Busyness yet again

Heyy~ It's been a really busy few weeks or so. We're having Cyber-Christmas practices. And well, I'll be heading to FGA for night service soon. It's been a great year and well, thanks to all my friends who read this pretty boring/obscure blog, hahaha.

Anyways, don't really have much to blog (and I can't find the time to blog, knowing me, I'm a perfectionist in my writing). Will be back with a bang I promise. Do check back by January the 2nd for more.

Till then, God bless, Happy New Year and Merry Christ-mas!

Cyber Christmas 2004/2005

Hey there! We're having Cyber Christmas (as in Cyberjaya's Christmas, not Cyberspace Christmas, haha) soon. Below are the events that would be held. Do drop me a line or call me at 012-6658726 for more information ya. God Bless and see you there~!

Charity Drive - Homes Visitation
Rumah Trinity & Rumah Hope
Date: 29th December 2004
Time: 9:00am
Venue: Gather at STAD

We will be giving out gifts donated by students from
Adopt-a-Gift drive.
Interested? Contact Daniel @ Y! khoo_ch19 or call him
at 012-2077341

Night Event - "The Beginning; The Way"
Date: 4th January 2005
Time: 7:30pm arrival
Venue: Multipurpose Hall
Come and witness the Play, Dance and Band
performances!!

Exhibition - "The Journey; The Truth"
Date: 5th-6th January 2005
Time: 10:30am - 4:00pm
Venue: to be confirmed, stay tune
Come experience and know the story behind Christmas.

Caroling
Date: 5th January 2005
Time: 7:00pm
Venue: MMU Hostel
Bring the Spirit of Christmas to the Campus! Join us!

It ain't too bad after all

'Jump'

I was back at my apartments not too long ago, when all I felt like doing was to jump. Nope, not up and down, but the impulse to jump out of the window and perhaps see the world pass me by in a flash of an eye.
'Jump'

But yet, I can't seem to do it. I'm driven by another force as well. I want to do what God wants me to do. But yet...at times my despair overwhelms me.

Just last night, at Alvin's Christmas party, I felt, 'Bang', and let it all go. 'Bang', and see the sparks fly. 'Bang', and who cares anyway? After all, I'm just a boring guy out there. But yet.. I can't. What a waste of life it would be too.

Looking back, I guess I looked stupid. Haha, perhaps even dumb. I guess at times, I live for people's approval instead of God's. I base too much of my mood on what people think of me, and when someone says,'Oh no, it's Leo', I just go down the drain. Even though they are a minority. And perhaps, even cruel.

I guess, it's time to break free of the past. There was a time where everything I did wasn't enough for those people back in my old church. I wasn't good enough for them, that's what I was told. And everything I did was found fault with. Even fetching people back. *sigh*.

I use to believe them, that I wasn't good enough. That I needed to do more and even more for approval. After all, that's what they tell me. But now, I feel it's more of a cruel thing that they did. What's the point of having friends that tell you that you aren't good enough?

Sitting down for a chat with Alvin (which became a long one), well, I came to realise my past probably ain't too bad after all. Though not popular in Secondary school and my previous church, I was respected by my peers in my club handling and I also had a close group of friends to hang out with. And the kids (who are now 15-19) in my old church, probably looked up to me.

And why this post? I guess, its to tell myself, 'I don't need to try anymore' After all, I can't please everyone and well, there are people that care.

God, help me get the past behind my back and start living for the future~!

Amen

Christmas busyness

Been really busy recently. Just got back from Ipoh, after a short missions at ,Haadyai, Thailand. Will post more pretty much soon.

Till then, Merry Christ-mas everyone!

Quarter of a Century

Today, well, marks the day I'm officially quarter of a century old (and not quarter of a decade like what Michelle D. was wishing me, haha). Well, to me, it's much more significant compared to the time I celebrated my 21st birthday and had a party over here in my house in PJ (ah, Boon, Daisy, Sarah & Marcus were the ppl from CF dat came over that night. Haha, still remember if you're reading this?)

Well, thanks everyone for the b'day wishes, calls and instant messages. Yuet Pei, thanks for being the 1st (ah, she wished me on the 14th! A bit too early eh?). And well, Mel(who wished me b4 she knocked out and then wished again in the morning, haha, farnee ler), Lincoln, Charis (using Mel's nick on Yahoo, haha), Michelle, Audrey & Alvin (plus some others who were on the phone together with them), Beatrice (who sent me an sms and then im-ed me, :P)

Wee Liem, Leona, Karen, Quinie (my housemate, haha, what a pleasant surprise to get an IM from you), Jeff & Joanne, Hock (for the b'day lunch invitation. Hehe, you were already planning this for some time eh?), Thomas & Steph (haha, and you guys thought it was belated :P), My Foursquare church gang - Vincent, Melissa@Meow, Ashley, Siew Har, Pastor & the rest, my current gang member from MMU, Kevin Koh, John See and the rest of the people that had made my day (ahh, so many of you were in the STOMP practice just now). And yea, not forgetting my mom, dad and brother as well

Anyways, thanks everyone. Heard you guys were forwarding messages around. *Blehh* It's been a long, hard 4 years since I was 21. But then, this year had looked so much better. Even more, I had the chance to get to know you all, better and well, closer :) Haha, some even got bullied by me eh? Thanks for all the fellowship and fei-louships provided, lest I can't get through MMU alone.

Before I end, special thanks (and I shall not explain why)to these people who had light up my life and this boring quarter of a century I've lived in to:

Audrey
Charis
Hock
Jeff Yew
John See
Melisa Ann
Michelle Ding
Nick Lim
Pastor Jacs
Sarah Lee
Vincent Lim
Wee Liem
Yuet Pei

Thanks once again~ God Bless :)

Xplore m28

Was walking around the 1-Utama shopping complex when some sales people approached me to try and get me buy the Xplore m28, the supposedly best PDA phone to get now. As I had just bought a new Sony Clie TJ-27 PDA, which was my b'day present from my mom, it was interesting to see how the m28 fared (heh, after all, the salesperson was touting its Palm 5.4 OS)

But on a closer look, though it looked pretty cool (and it could be a babe attraction tool, hehehe. Imaginary situation:Me with my big brack mole saying, 'Check it out gals! I've got a m28!' And then I flash my award winning smile. Erm, award for having lots of yellow teeth lah. The girls then swoon under my unstoppable presence, erm, due to some bad breath, hahahaha *blehhh*), but then it looked a bit funny with a 178*320 pixels screen compared to standard 320*320 or 160*160 screens for normal palm handhelds.

And then, looking at the price, I almost vomited brood, oops, blood, hehe. It was rm 2288 for dat piece of *ehem* not really functioning device. Do check out this link for more information.

Hehe, at least after reading dat, I felt, 'Heyy, my Sony Clie ain't too bad after all eh?'

Till next time, Palm still rules over Pocket PCs! (and Christ reigns over both, hahaha)

Back and sold out to Christ

Hey, I'm back! Was actually writing a post on our crazy jamming trip with Joel and the rest but I couldn't finish it, hehe. It'll be up soon, sooner than later I hope. Just trying to get it short, concise and yet, funny.

Anyways, I'm back. Actually, we're back from Gentings. It was awesome to see God move within the 3 days and 2 nights we were up there in Gentings. And it was the 1st time I was holding responsibilities in a Youth camp, after so long.

And, what was the highlight? Well, still am processing how the camp went. Was really good, really, as the preacher expounded on spiritual truths, the most memorable would be, 'Knowing the bible is just the 1st step, but applying it dailly is the 2nd step that most of us fail' Do we want to make a difference in our workplace, ministry and even friends? Let's live for Christ and Christ alone.

And it was good to be among the youths of SCC Ipoh. Haha, looks like I'll have some bullying targets the next time I see some of them. Beware Yin Ting, Michelle, Julie and Sopphia~! Muahahaha *evil grin*

Till then, do enjoy the photos(!)

Shekinah Youth Camp photos (some photos are not here for privacy purposes *smile)

More than conquerors

Was just browsing through the books in Salvation when one by Joyce Meyer got me reading like there's no tomorrow. 'How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny' struck me like an arrow hitting it's bullseye.

It seems that this is one area that God's leading me at, confidence to be myself. And it was funny dat a close friend of mine was talking to me about it, the ability to believe in God and have confidence that He'll provide and make straight things in our lives. That even in our careers, ministry and life partners, God will ensure we have sufficient. Not extra, not too much, but sufficient. Didn't God say,'My grace is sufficient for you'?

And it's true. I've been suffering from a self confidence problem I guess. No doubt, I've tried improving myself, my people skills and how I relate to others (as in not scaring others away). And in a way, I've somehow succeeded. Ask those who know me well and they'll tell you I've changed. I'm noisy, funny and even at times, insanely lame (though I would like to think I'm a quietly normal person).

And looking back 1 and a half years ago, I was timidly scared of people. And though upset with myself for not being more sociable (but being noisy at the wrong time), my environment did not allow much change. And I would say, God has indeed lead me through working at Chili's, attending FGC and well, even my industrial training. I've changed.

But then, at times, I do compare myself to others and a feeling of self loath comes in. I find myself feeling down for not being as funny as the other guy, not as fit (and yea, dat includes six packs and biceps, hehe), or perhaps not as good looking (hmm, not trying to say I'm bad looking here). And though I kept my friend's words at heart, it was only when I browsed through the book that I felt, 'Hey! This is what God's telling me now'

Confidence in God, in knowing that He knows best for you. Even the past, the pains and the hurts, God will and can use them. And when only we begin to love ourselves as God loves us, can we see the world from Jesus' point of view. Shades of grace and mercy instead of being judgemental and unkind.

I find that at times, I do try to follow other people's style. Perhaps sometimes, I try to be funnily quiet, and at others, noisily chatty. And then I find I fail. I can't be a copycat. I mean, it won't suit me. And Joyce Meyers addressed the issue on Chapter 4, 'Have you lost yourself?' It's really a good read.

Free to develop potential, that's what the book said. And now, I believe. God's there for us, even when we feel all alone. Do you believe as well? Would you believe as well? Let's put God in the center of our emotions and feelings. After all, we need to see ourselves as God sees us. More than conquerers(!)
God Bless~

Digital Cameras

I was browsing through the webshots photo gear guide, when the prices of cameras in US blew me away.

Just check out the Canon Rebel Kit (aka. Canon EOS 300D). Retailed at RM 3699, and RM 3500 for cash deals, it's now at a jaw catching price of US $693(!) (excluding shipment of course, heh)

Another hit is the Olympus E-1 SLR. While priced at about RM 6600 here, it's only US$ 1080 if you grab it there. Talk about price difference. Heh, we can even buy these cameras there and sell them here over lelong.com.my's site *grin* (and perhaps we should, shouldn't we?)

Anyways, why SLRs? Cause it's at a very affordable price now. A few years ago, digital SLR of similar standards would probably put you back by 20-30 thousands (hehee, did you just got surprised just now?)

Okay then. Till the next post, live long and shoot well (shoot more photoslah)

p/s: Now, any photography experts who are willing to teach here? Hehee, can pay you back in , erm, my witty presence? *blehh*

Choices of life

'Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, Before the difficult days come, And the years draw near when you say, "I have no pleasure in them"' Ecclesiastes 12:1-7

Was just browing through CY Leow's Photoblog when I came across photos taken in the 1970s. And as I looked closer, boy, I noticed that some of the guys were wearing fashion not unlike today. Tight fitting shirt and pants that just fit. And that was 20 years ago.

It was then a certain realisation hit me. 20 years isn't a short time. Time flies and waits for no one, not you, not me and certainly not the milkman (ok, the last one was lame, heh). These days, I've been reading the book, 'The Man in the mirror' by Patrick Morley. And the first two chapters hit me even more. (Patrick Morley spoke about the rat race in the first chapter & leading an unexamined life in the second)

And as I sat at my new favorite lepak spot (which is IKEA btw), sipping coffee and going through my book, many thoughts rushed through my head. At times, I do feel that, hey, I may be too square, too innocent for a world out there. After all, I don't do clubbing, smoking or drinking. And neither do most of the friends that I spend time with do so.

And I figured, perhaps I should get some clubbing, smoking and drinking friends that would bring me to this places. To get exposed to the real world. But yet again, looking back at Daniel, Daniel kept himself pure even when the others didn't mind eating food sacrificed to the Babylonian God. Would that go to show that it's not about our experiences that make us, but how much we honour God in our dailly lives? Furthermore, most ministers don't do drugs or gangsterism to be able to minister to these people.

And yet, these brings me to the other thing that I felt God bringing me through now. As I like sitting around IKEA reading my books, I did some people observation during my free time. And yea, what fascinates me now is to look at married couples (plus their children if they've brought their children along).

It's indeed interesting to look at the husbands (and not the wives) and trying to figure out what makes them good dads/husbands to their families. And when I do see one, I ask myself, 'Could I make a good dad/husband as well?' And well, I felt God telling me, it's not about others, not now anyway. But it's about me and my walk with God. Where am I as a person after God's heart? Where am I as a Christian (which means as a follower of Christ)

I have a strange feeling that well, God will provide if and when needed. And now is not the time to worry about all these. (p/s: I would have been attached long ago if I was desparate anyway, heh) There's the few subjects more to finish and also the church ministry I'm in. Furthermore, I'm contemplating getting a part time job soon. Perhaps in the Sales Engineer side or management. I shouldn't look to the left not right, but look straight ahead to the finishing line.

Choices of life, that's what I name this post. Choices because anytime a wrong decision could derail a life committed to Christ. Choices because it's easy to be rash and irrational when you're young (heh, 25 is still young, and I'm 24 until December 17th, hehe).

But when you're old (like the people in CY Leow's photo), would you look back and regret not doing more with the life you've been given? Would you regret not serving God with more zeal and passion or keeping your holiness for Christ alone? Instead that girl(or guy) that you spent most brain juice thinking about has derailed your life. That career that seemed so good and let you shop till you drop has caused you your ministry and family. That unexamined life that you lead until it was too late, caused the most pain and regrets.

Guess that's it. Till another inspiration of writing comes or another crappy joke comes along, God Bless~

A comedy of errors

Was at work today when my handphone buzzed. Looking at it, there was an unknown number, 016-478 xxxx (heheh, private numberlah). And thus, calling back, I reached Cheng Yong (or so I thought I did)

'Hey, who's this?'
'Chee Yong lah, don't you have my number?'
'What? Cheng Yong? What's up?'
'You're going to Serdang for dinner tonight? Can include me ar?'
'Okays, call you back later when I reach home lah. Expensivela'

And thus, reaching back the forsaken land of Cyberjaya, I messaged Cheng Yong online.
'Dude, you joining us for dinner later?'
'What dinner? I already ate. Why din inform me earlier?'
'What!? Thought I told you I'll message you when I get back'
'Huh? You did? Didn't receive also. Can I join you all go yamcha?'
'Shure, just meet us at the A1 carpark at 7:30'

At 7:40 (haha, I was running late. Erm, checking out my hair, you know..), I called that number again
'Hey, where are you? We're leaving already if you're not here'
'Ah? Nevermindla, don't think I wanna go'

We left Cyberjaya.

5 minutes later, my phone buzzed again. This time, the caller ID was Cheng Yong.
'Hey, where are you guys? Leaving yet?'
'What? Thought you said you're not joining us one'
'Huh? Did I? Nevermindla..'
*confused myself*

Only later when we arrived at Serdang's Hakka Bamboo restaurant I asked Bea to check out the number for me. It was kinda funny for Cheng Yong to have 2 numbers.
'Hold on yea, checking now'
'Okays..so is it Cheng Yong?'
'Erm, nope. It's Chee Yong'

Oops!

No wonder it confused me, heheheh.

Vestiges of Pride

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matthew 6:19-21

I was looking at the TV a few days ago, when they announced the death of Yasser Arafat. And there, going through the TV screens were video shots of Arafat's last days alive. There was Arafat, waving to supporters as he was lifted into the airplane to be brought to France for treatment. Affable smile I would add.

And then it hit me. I was brought back to the time when my grandfather was frail, ail and dying. Losing hope against recovering from some serious infections at that time. And so, like Arafat, Granpa was going around, waving and trying to shake the hands of friends he thought they were (when we went for dimsum in some place in Alor Setar) And it was heart breaking to see them reaching out to greet my uncle (the son of my Granpa) instead of Granpa himself. To most of them, Granpa was already an invalid, a man way past his prime time.

And it was at the bank when Granpa acted strange. There he was, withdrawing more than 10k in cash, and then passing me 6 k to keep in my pockets. My thoughts raced then. 'Why Granpa?', was the question I was asking myself. Was it to show he still had money?

And when I was going to leave Alor Setar, Granpa asked me in Hokkien, 'Do you have enough money to spend? Why not stay here a few more days?' I wanted to, really, but I was running broke after CF camp and the Perlis mission trip. Plus the fact my uncle was uneasy with me staying there, since I was one of Granpa's favorite grand sons. And there, on the spot, he tried passing me rm 500.

'Take it', Granpa told me. And he insisted on it a couple of times. Though, in the end, I did not, as I wanted to show Granpa that I was there not for his money, but for him. That I loved him for who he is and not how much he could give me. And when all these was happening, Uncle was uneasy and squirming in his seat.

But this is not a story on my family (not now though). As Yasser Arafat waved at the crowds as a man near the end of his life, the words, 'Vestiges of pride' flashed through this head of mine. Pride, cause at the end of our lives, we grasp on to what we think is significant to us, our lifetime achievements and hard work, thinking that's what the world cares too. And they will respect us for it

It was sad to not able to share with Granpa before he died. To show him, it's not about the money or fame after all, but Christ who lives in us. Nobody paid attention to him when he was dying anyway. Isn't it sad how the world works?

And at these occasions, I'm reminded of Christ, his love and his commandment to us all. 'Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit' Matthew 28:19. Isn't that much more important than trying to do what we think are the most important to us?

Someone once said, most of us spend our lifetime trying to climb up the ladder, only to find in the end that it's on the wrong side of the wall. Be it fame, riches or love (yes, love. Most people spend their lifetime trying to find dat elusive one, only to find none actually satisfies their soul), would you put God first above all?

God Bless~

The Arcade

It's been so long since I ventured into the arcade center. Those were days where a ringgit would keep me in the arcade center for 2-3 hours to the end (heheh, I was practically undefeatable for some games *grin*). So thus, it was a delight to drop by the arcade center again with the whole bunch of CFers after the movies.

We had 10 of us, 8 who were willing to play (and pay) but unfortunately 4 Daytona machines available. Thus, we had to take turns playing and seeing who ends up with winning in the end.

It was my 2nd round, having did badly in the 1st when I pleasantly found my opponents were Celine and Kek Yang. Being the not-so-amateur driver I was, it was sheer delight to be able to *ehem* trash them in this game I 'thought' (yep, it's in inverted commas, heheheh) I knew so well.

But halfway through, I crashed twice and even screwed up the gears. Man, things weren't looking good! And checking the screen, I was placed 3rd out of 3rd place (!) So much for some boasting I made before the *ehem* slaughter started, heheh.

But who says prayer doesn't work? I told God he better help me win, else I lose face sitting next to Celine, having already boasted about my so called driving techniques (heheh, I know. I'm using God's name in vain *bleh*)

A miracle happened shortly after that. They crashed into each other while I stole ahead. Manual cars are much faster, that's why the pros drive them *smiles till my while teeth shows*

So, what's the moral of the story? Erm, nothing really. Other than the fact that the arcade teaches you to pray to God when you're in trouble..nahh!

p/s: Anyone for another around of Daytona? Gotta make them smell some burnt rubber, hahaha

Are you a loyal friend?

Got this from Ee Yern's blog. It's pretty good thinking stuff that makes me think again and again, 'Am I a loyal friend?' Guess when you've hit your mid-twenties, you begin to wonder who are actually your friends. Can the security guard you say 'hi' to everyday be termed as a friend? Can your classmates (and ex-classmates) make best friends? Can Christians from the Christian Fellowship we have be termed as loyal friends? (or just a small portion that share the same wavelength, hmm I wonder)

p/s: Btw, research has shown that a lonely person is more likely to die earlier!*gasp* Better not go around with baseball bat and try to hit people to make them submit into being my friend, heheheh

Here's Ee Yern's writings..
---------------------------------------------------------------

I came across this interesting subject while reading John Maxwell's Your Road Map For Success. It talks about being loyal. So what does it mean for others to be loyal to you?

They love you unconditionally. They accept you with your strengths and weaknesses intact. They genuinely care for you, not just for what you can do for them. And they are neither trying to make you into someone you're not nor putting you on pedestal.

They represent you well to others. Loyal people always paint a positive picture of you with others. They may take you to task privately or hold you accountable, but they never criticise you to others.

They are able to laugh and cry with you as you travel together. Loyal people are willing and able to share your joys and sorrows. They make the trip less lonely.

They make your dream their dream. Some people will undoutedly share the journey with you only briefly. You help one another for a while and then go your separate ways. But a few--a special few--will want to come alongside you and help you for the rest of the journey. These people make your dream their dream. They will be loyal unto death, and when they combine that loyalty with other talents and abilities, they can be some of your most valuable assets. If you find people like that, take good care of them.

(excerpt from John C. Maxwell's Your Road Map For Success)

I was once asked this question, "Who would be the 6 people that would carry your coffin when you die?". Those 6 people are usually the closest, the most loyal friends. During that time, I realise that I could not find 6. Like most of us, we do not many true, loyal friends in our lives. I have made a decision many years ago to invest in lives and to be a loyal friend to people around me. Occasionally, I might stumble but I thank God that I learn from every fall, every experience. How about you? Have you been a loyal friend lately?

Cycling

Had the thought of starting a bikers group here in Cyberjaya. And nope, not the Harley-Davidson kind of bikers, but more like a group of cyclists, cycling around Cyberjaya (and terrorising all those cats that get in our way, hahahaha)

But why cycling? Unlike jogging, where you tend to tire out and have to stop to rest, you can virtually cycle non-stop, as long as there's no trafficla. And there's also the breeze factor and the fact that petrol prices are going up soon (heard it's going up after Raya *shudder*) Add a pair of cool looking Oakleys and some girls might actually drool, heheheh (nah, just me and my crappiness *bleh*)

I guess what I really missed about my secondary school life was that I used to cycle around the neighbourhood, sometimes looking up friends, sometimes just having some fun and at other times, doing some thinking as I cycled. And there was also a few excursions to the cycling trails with friends on my trusty old mountain bike. Those still remain etched unto my memory as something cool I did while I was still a teen.

So, what about you? Wanna cycle as well? It's not only good exercise, but also good fun (try racing about with a friend, heheh). Just pray I can save up enough for a pretty decent bike *smile*

Guess that's it. There's still work to be done tomorrow. God Bless~

Scars

To tell the truth, the main reason I took up Christianity seriously was the fact I had no place else to run or hide. Friends could only help for a certain extent, but God heals and mends. Back then, the CD of Don Moen singing, 'I am the Lord, that healeth thee' calmed my soul as I struggled to understand life. (Heh, actually bought the CD for my dad, but ended up listening to it everyday)

Scars, is what I term this post. Guess that God's leading me through a period of restoration and healing now. Healing from the various vicious things people sometimes speak unintentionally (or for some, with intent *sigh*) Healing from emotional wounds and scars that never really healed, as it was all shoved down under the guise of 'being macho & loud'

These few weeks had been a period of insecurity and depression. But the truth was, it ran deeper than this. There were a lot of times in the past, where I would excuse myself from the crowd and find a place to hide, cry and get upset with God. Thank God it's almost over now.

I used to (and sometimes still do) go around feeling down, feeling I don't cut it with people and finally feeling I need to do more to be accepted. I thank God for friends who have been there showing that it's ok to be just me, the plain old crappy/serious/boring Leo that I am.

One thing I've definitely learnt is that the past will always be the past. Scars will be scars, though at times it brings back insecurity and the feeling that I don't belong there.

Guess that's it. For those of you who were there for me (and you know who you are), thanks, I owe you guys one.

God Bless~

Vanity

Was just browsing through Ching's site when I came across this link (link removed due to unappropriate pictures, heh). Why do people do things to look young? Especially when they have all the money they ever need?

No wonder people say you'll never be satisfied. How shall we live our lives?

God Bless~

Crossroads

A lot of things have been happening recently. Many forced me to sit, think and sometimes cry out to God. Sometimes I don't quite comprehend, thus I spend some time sitting alone trying to make sense of life. At other times, friends do help me process those thoughts.

So, what's new here? It's on two fronts. Firstly, I've been delayed once again in my Engineering degree by another four months (unless a miracle happens, heheh) Four awfully long months if you begin to think of the prospects of going to class & meals alone without the familiar faces of Leona, Su Chen, Su Yin, David Eng, Niger, Marcus, Ji Fong & Daniel Sim. Looks like I've gotta be prepared to sit alone once more *sigh*

But nah, I'm not gonna be down about this. I'll take this as another opportunity to work hard, study smart and make up for past failures. Another chance to reach out to the unreached. Another chance to learn more about life. Another chance to improve on my people skills without being too worried of what people might think (ah, the working world is surprisingly sensitive and critical, compared to undergrads)

There was some confusion (and depression as well) as dad suggested a credit transfer to some university in NZ or Australia. Going there not only involves uprooting myself, but having to find space and time to settle down there. I felt lost for awhile. Actually, the thought of doing stupid things raced across my mind, and for once I actually considered doing them.

But I believe God will bring me through this. He will make straight my paths and make right my ways as long as I surrender my all to Christ.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2

On the 2nd front though, it's more subtle. Working has indeed opened my eyes to the good and yet the bad of the world. Unlike Chili's, where most of us are innocent young people, my workplace is filled with people who have done it all. Some of my colleagues boast about their (s)exploits and their adventures without flinching an eye bat (heh, must have told their stories many times around I guess)

And it's there you see the world is driven to fulfill it's desire. Wealth, Sex and Booze seems to be the order of the day. One colleague went around cursing the Boss as every item we repair nets the company tens of thousands, while his pay check does not change.

Yet another came back from Laos and boasted that he 'did' it with a couple of 18 year old prostitutes every night, with each amounting up to rm 110. While this, another boasted having slept with women from Korea, Japan, Singapore and a lot from his old workplace in Sarawak. I was left surprised, stunned, disgusted but yet thinking of why the world works in such a manner.

And Booze? Some of them suffer from liver problems due to their booze intake. But yet, they take booze as they have marital problems. All due to their skirt chasing ways while they had less wrinkles.

-------------------------------------------------
Part 3

At times, I ponder whether Christianity would be the right way to go. After all, the world out there seems so much more exciting compared to the boring old Church. There are a lot of things out there to snare a young man's heart.

After all, there are a lot of nice & pretty non Christian/backslidden women who are willing to date, there's the thrill of dancing in clubs every night till your legs wear out, the thrill of getting high on booze and cigarettes and finally, having more money will give you a really comfortable life.

But yet, as I look at my colleagues, they don't seem too happy with their lives. Sex, after all last less then 10 minutes (erm, I think lah. We're not the French, heheh) What's good sex compared having a good marriage? And after all, a pretty wife does not nescessarily equate to a happy marriage. She might be having an affair for all you know (heh, I'm saying this according to marriage stats)

And finally, booze can only drown out your sorrow, not actually healing away the pain and mend away the wounds. And it makes your wallet even more empty(!)

Guess that's it. Jesus is still the way, the truth and the life. Although other ways may seem interesting, it only leads to death. After all, Christ mentioned, 'Narrow is the way that leads to life'. I will serve Jesus Christ with all my heart.

Amen~

The Dim Sum Breakfast

Was at church really early today, heh, guess my internal alarms came on although I wanted to continue sleeping. (Thank God tomorrow is a holiday though, heheh) Anyhow, after getting the church ready with Pastor and Chee Foo, my stomach started growling. Woah, hunger struck! (Hmm, and to think of it, I walloped quite a number of bbq-ed chicken wings plus slices of pizzas the night before)

Anyway, Pastor pointed me to the nearest dimsum shop nearby, with the caution,'Be quick ok?' Reaching there, I was surprised to the a fully packed restaurant with a huge crowd(!) (Heh, it shows that it's a good dim sum shop. Bad shops seldom have that much of people, no?)

And there was the Lam family taking their dim sum breakfast as well. I had hoped to just greet them and find an empty table for myself, though Mr Lam vigorously suggested me joining them.
'Come join us young man'
'Nah, it's ok *smiles*'
'Really, comela, don't have to be shy one'
'Erm, nolah, thanks for the offer anyway'

So then, I sat on a table by myself. Was pretty good dim sum (heheh, comparable to the ones in Serdang) The Siew Mais were good though, but chicken feet was just ordinary. Even tapaued extra Siew Mais for Charis & Mel (thinking I could surprise them with something different for breakfast before church)

However, the tapauing took awfully long (I had asked them to count the bill the moment the Siew Mai arrived) and I began fidgeting. Heheh, I had to rush back to church for the morning prayer before the worship started.

Though, when the siew mais came, the waiter casually mentioned 'Kai cho loh'-'Paid in full'. And I was going, 'What?' And then only I looked over and noticed the smiling faces of Mr Lam and his family. Man, paiseh man (hmm, the waiters wouldn't want to accept any money from me *sigh*)

Thank you Lord for the awesome breakfast today~!

A letter

Got this letter from a friend recently. It's good to see her finally becoming a youth pastor. It's been quite a while since we've known each other, and she's one of those that inspires me with her zeal (haha, sometimes she scares me too).

Beneath all my doubts, my questioning and my recommitments, she has remained strong and ever faithful. 'Wow!', is at times not sufficient enough for me to describe her. Knowing her, I'm sure God will provide her with a good husband (she broke up with her non-Christian boyfriend back when she learnt that it's not of the Lord)

I dunno, but I've the feeling that one day, she'll be one of the prime figures of revival. May the Lord use her mightily one day *grin*

Inspired
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Evelyn; Mary Kang"
Subject: farewell - bye bye

Dear friends,

Precious greetings in the name of Jesus!

It's like a century ago since I last wrote you an email on things happening in my life :-) However, I am glad that I can finally spare some time to type you this email - hopefully with as much details as possible for you to continue to support me and cheer me on (in this faith journey) with your prayer and encouragement.

I am typing this email with my HP/Compaq palmtop, hence I find it's quite a struggle to let my fingers fight to press on the right alphabet buttons here :p Just ignore the typo please.

I've always wanted to tell you *something* and I'm happy to tell via this email --- you have been a blessing in my journey of pursuing Jesus. You might think that this is probably another mass email, but I can assure you that it is NOT. I know who you are (who am I sending this email to) and I smile when I thought of you - the time we spent together in worship, fellowship, chit-chatting, MSN/Yahoo/ICQ messaging, how we enjoyed serving God together in CF/church/cell group/office, I want you to know that you are important to me and the fact that you are getting this email from me is because I love you in Christ, I remember you and yes, I *S*M*I*L*E* when your name flashes over my mind. :-)

God has been good to me, as He always does. Time flies and I have been serving in Semarak Revival Centre/Jesus Heals Ministries International as both a full time ministry staff and secretary for almost 2 years. I was involved in prayer & intercession, ministry to the sick, evangelism to unbelievers, creative ministry (audio visual production, leaflet design, website, etc), resource ministry (consignment of Pastor Jean Lim's books/CDs/VCDs/DVDs,Cassette Tapes and many other items), planning and organization of events, cleaning duties (i.e. months of cleaning the toilets x 12)... the list can go on and on. In my moments of feeling weak, I have shed tears many times, especially in my initial months.

Once, I was busy packing stock/resource materials for outstation Jesus Heals trips and being new (and alone)... I was just at lost, knowing that I probably had to spend another "many hours" packing probably 10-12 boxes, probably 100-120kg of items for sale... looking at the stock room with thousands of things inside, I sat down and wept. I did not know what to do - I did not know how to pack, I did not know many things and un-trained to do many things that were piling up on my desk. There were also times when I got blue-black marks on my body because things fell on me or I accidently cut myself when I was cutting boxes... yea, there were times when I felt like shouting at my PC at work too (it moves very slowly and always MIA - shut down by itself...) At the same time, I missed home a lot. Here in Malaysia, without my family by my side, I really come to understand that Jesus is my best compaion. I am staying with an Iban family (how I thank God for them!) and it's a blessing as I have always loved to stay with a family instead of staying alone or with other church (single) staff. Due to my commitment to serve with the busy schedules I have, I could not visit home as frequent as I thought I would be able to. I had cried when I thought of daddy and mommy at home, when I thought of my siblings or even the young babies (nieces + nephew) back in Sg. I started serving God when I was 22 and at a twinkling of eyes, I am 24!

I am very grateful that as time passes by, I grew stronger. God is the strength of my heart. I have learnt spiritual principles as well as practical lessons i.e: give me a box of things and I may be able to guess the weight correctly, ha! God shapes and moulds me esp. to build up godly character in me. I am in my journey of learning and growing in Christ and O, how thankful I am to God that He's not finished with me yet. He is ever transforming me from glory to glory, from faith to faith. Praises be unto the name of Jesus!

2 years have gone. It's a good time spent here. It's the most precious 2 years in my walk with God since I accepted Christ in 1998. I thank God that every year, it is getting better! Hallelujah!

I am leaving Semarak, leaving Malaysia and will be returning to Singapore next week.

On Sunday, 24/10/04, in our 8pm service, Pastor Jean had made a public annoucement to the church about my next move - to be serving in Crown of Glory Church in Singapore. I was given opportunity to share with the church - I didn't expect it and wasn't too sure on what to share at first. I thanked God for His everlasting goodness upon my life that He allows me to serve Him as there is no higher calling, no greater honor than for me to serve the King of kings. I also thanked Pastor Jean, the leaders, staff and church members for their kindness and love to me. They have loved me, received me, welcomed me and accepted me to serve here when the Lord released me from my past circular job to serve Him on full-time basis. They have loved me, cared for me, trained me and imparted faith and inspired me to always serve God with my best during my stay here. I have a good family in Christ here, how God loves me!

I just so wish to tell you face to face that my journey in answering His call has been good, in fact it's been very good - The Lord has supplied to me all my needs, He has answered my prayer, He is with me and His love without measure always touches me. I am madly in love with Jesus. When I was telling the congregation on that Sunday about what I'd just told you, I could see that many were crying. I was with tears too... but soon everyone burst out in laughter when one of my co-worker passed me a box of tissue and I said "Hmmm... I don't need a box..." ha!

After my sharing, the church staff surrounded me while Pastor Jean released me and blessed me to move on in ministry and as many people had expected, I shed tears of joy. It was a long prayer and prophecy given upon my life. May the Lord fulfills the prophecy that I will be a soul-winner and attract young ones to God, PTL!

In my 2-year of ministry experience here, I was not really involved in the youth work. But, my heart has always been burdened for the young people. The Word of God like burning in my bones that I must tell them about Jesus. My passion is to serve the young ones. I got saved when I was a college student (17 year-old) and I had had many powerful encounters with God as a youth. I had always dreamed of serving the youths - esp. as there were prophecies given to me that I will be serving God in the area of youth ministry. The Lord gave me understanding that my 2-year here was almost like a confinement period - I was not in touch with the youths and I was tested if my heart desire and the calling to serve the youths was real. But, O how I thank God that the fire is still burning. I have a destiny that I know I shall fulfill. Though the vision tarries but it shall come to past. I often told myself, "just wait upon the Lord..."

I am ready to run with the vision now. I know that He who has called me is faithful to complete the good work that He's begun in me. He is able to keep me from falling and present me faultless before Christ when I meet Him face to face. PTL! My next move to Singapore, serving as a youth pastor as the Lord leads will help me yield to the Lord more and continue to walk before Him with humility, gentleness and all that qualities that I need as a bondservant of Christ. His love is so amazing, so divine that it demands my all. Let Him leads me on with His hands. I cannot do anything apart from my beloved Jesus.

My current contact no. +6012-6143788 will still be in use after I leave for Sg though I will get a new Sg hp no. after I settle down there next weekend. Please keep me in your prayer and I want to let you know that you are in my heart and my prayer - sometimes consistently, sometimes as the Spirit blows your name to my mind :-)

The Lord is good. When I came back to Malaysia, I knew it will be for a period of 2 years. Knowing all times and seasons, God opened door for me to serve in Sg as He brings me back there. (Part of the reasons of I leaving Semarak is also because I am a Singapore PR hence it is not advisable for me to stay away from the country for any longer period, else I would have difficulties in renewing my PR status)

I love the Lord with my life. May God continues to make me shine for Christ. :-)

Visit these URL if you have time?

Full-Time Ministry Calling1
http://www.mychristiansite.com/personal/evelynkang/calling.html

Full-Time Ministry Calling2
http://www.mychristiansite.com/personal/evelynkang/FullTime.htm

with love,
Evelyn Kang

=====
Jim Elliot - "He is no fool to give what he cannot keep and keep what
he cannot lose"

Unto the soccer scene

Here's a change. I'm gonna write a bit about soccer (ah, don't worry, it's not gonna be a soccer blog or a soccer fan's blog, heheheh). So what about soccer? Is it a beautiful game? Or is it just 20 adults chasing a ball all over the pitch?

I was never a soccer fan from young. My 1st glimpse of it was in 1990, when I had a wager with my uncle on which team would win the World Cup. I picked Argentina, which surprisingly reached the finals. Hmm, winning the bet would have gotten me a Transformers toy though, heheh.

I never played soccer while young too. I had lofty ambitions of being a national badminton player then (ah, and if it came true, I would be Wong Choon Han's teammate by now). It was all okay until my best friend then trashed me in straight games. Oh yea, she played for the district though. (Ah, met her recently too. And the only thing I could say was 'Wowwwwww', with a dropping jaw. Haha, no saliva though)

So, what about the soccer scene? No, it's not your Malaysian Soccer League I'm talking about (ah, you can get try to pay me, but I still won't watch, hehe) but EPL, the best supported league worldwide.

I'm a Liverpool/Tottenham fan. Been a Tottenham fan ever since I saw Gascoigne play (erm, Gascoigne looked like a clown then. But then he still looks like a clown now. Hmm, guess that's what caught my attention though) Liverpool came recently though.

And yeah, if you ask me, I don't support any of the big 3 teams (Manchester United, Arsenal and Chelsea). Partially cause their managers have egos as big as the latest Toyota Mpv out there, the Altezza. Another thing is well, everybody else supports them, so why follow? Heheh

Why do most guys like soccer? Well, I guess though it's a dumb game, it's still beautiful. No two games are alike. And yea, instead of drama, we guys prefer something else we can relate too (like gals and their dailly chinese/korean drama, or perhaps Friends too, heheh)

And how about you? Soccer my friend? We can always have soccer over a cuppa coffee.

God Bless~!

Quarter-life crisis

Got this from Jason Ding's forwarded msg on XmmuCFers. Considering I would be a quarter of a century old in 2 months and most of my friends are already that age, here goes:
-----------------------------
For those in their twenty-something's...This puts it all into words perfectly. They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure.You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.You feel alone and scared and confused.Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends...Maybe it will help some one feel like they are not alone in the state of confusion that is our post grad. years!!!

Changed

I've changed, really. Just the other day, Pastor Joanne mentioned about us trying out the DISC test as a CF, and there I was mentioning to Charis that I've done it before. And when I mentioned that I was a D=I, she was like, 'Wooah, really?' (haha, D = domineering people. Kinda scary prospect though)

Anyhow, when the graph was plotted out, I found I am actually an I/S/D. Wow! That was a far cry from having an extreme graph previously. Perhaps God's ever changing, moulding and making us more and more into the image He wants us to be.

I distinctly remember a period of time where I was loud for the sake of being loud. It was a hard period of time, where I felt I didn't fit in the CF, church and even in classes. And after CF, I would usually hide myself in a corner of the FOE building not knowing what I was feeling. But I could remember a distinct thought going through my head at that time. The thought that says, 'Leo, you don't have to be loud or noisy to be loved' It was a struggle.

I guess that was made worse with my lack sense of self esteem then and also the past that kept hounding me. Things weren't made easier when a supposedly good friend in church told me, 'Leo, you need to chase after God more, then you'll have more friends' It was an equation that did not make much sense. If I wasn't a Christian, does that mean that the Christians in church would reject me?

And it was something that hindered me from forming better relationships with others. When something does not work out well (or as well as I thought) I would read my bible even more, or perhaps absorb more Christian books (like Phillip Yancey, Lee Strobel, Tommy Tenney). But there was the aspect of people skills, of fun & spontaneity that I was not told about.

Anyhow, as I began to settle in Foursquare, Pastor Jacs kept mentioning to me,'We love you, don't ever forget that'. And at times, I squirmed uncomfortably. It was a far cry from being told in my previous church,'We just can't love you'

As time passed though, I found myself coming out of my shell, of what I tried to potray so hard but failed (used to go around with the thought that I'm Leo the macho. I won't cry in front of others) I found myself just being me, instead of trying to impress others & gain their friendships.

I dunno if there's anyone of you out there feeling the same way. That at times, people don't accept you. That you have to put on a mask, just to be accepted. Remember that Christ has died on the cross to set you free from your past, your hurts, your failures.

Just surrender it all to Christ & you'll see the difference He'll make

God Bless~

p/s: I/S guys are supposedly nice people. Anyone wanna date me? Nahhhh~! Heheheh

Wasabe Madness

Just the other day we (Hong Aun & yours truly) decided to come up with something more exciting for our weekly CG ice breaker. Truly enough, we had some crazy games these few weeks (toothpaste emptying game, Water in cup game, heheh, truly evil games as Audrey put it), but this was different. This was wasabi! (ah, and if you happen to be a Ryoko Hirosue fan, she acted in the excellent movie with the same name)

It didn't actually start off with wasabi. We actually planned to do the ice cream game yet again, but it somehow evolved to wasabi and ice cream and finally, wasabi in biscuits *evil grin*

We started off innocently enough with the brain twister 'Hi, I'm Harry' game, and then proceeded with the nerve wrecking variation of the paper, scissors and stone game (which I bet provided the most entertainment, heheh) and finally, the few of us decided that, 'Hey, that wasn't enough. Let's get high with wasabi(!)'

Kae Ee started the ball rolling, getting high on wasabi. (I remember him mentioning something like,'Ooh, it's in my brains!' hehehe) And watching him, me and Hong Aun decided to have a go too. Haze, who was actually kinda reluctant to join us and was sitting by the corner calling us 'mad people' finally decided to have a try

'Is it ok? How much do I have to put?'
'Erm, some more la. Not enough la'
'Really? Is this enough?'
'No, not quite. More, a bit more *grinning*'
*Haze scoops up more wasabi into her spoon*
'Enough?'
'Yea, heheh'
*Haze eats the wasabi*
....
....
'Ooohhh!'

Madness, truly madness

p/s: Should get wasabi from Sushi King next time. Got this one around from Giant during lunch break. Sadly though, Giant's wasabi lacks the 'Ooh' factor, heheh

On the issue of friends

Lately I've been thinking a lot about friends and the friendships I have. Being the extrovert I am, I find myself constantly making new friends and yet struggling to keep in touch with the old friends I have. Friends are important to me, and well, it would break my heart to find a friend suddenly cold without much reason.

It was pretty interesting then to find that some readers of the Star actually wrote about the same issue, Friendship in today's newspaper (check out the Star, 17th October 2004). Are friendships really important to all of us? Can we survive without friends?

Nowadays, I find myself constantly evaluating who's my friend and who's not. I ponder on who can I trust, who can I share with, but also who can I enjoy their company without feeling awkward. And then, I wonder if I'm the only one who's looking for true friends who care and yet are themselves.

Talking to John about this, I (or rather, we) reached a conclusion that I can't possibly be everybody's friend as that would mean I wouldn't really be anybody's friend. There's a law of quality & quantity time here. I have only 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year, and not all are free time for friends either (yea, especially when you've started working *sigh*)

Thus, I do need to choose who do I actually spend time with, instead of trying to hit blindly with a badminton racket that spells 'Let's make friends' (though at times, I feel it's unfair to not actually make friends with certain people. Just that it gets tiring to try to get a friendship to work when you're the only one doing everything)

And with that, I do feel that I need to keep in touch with some old, good friends I have. Some I haven't met in ages as it's embarassing to tell others I haven't actually graduated from University. And the time apart sometimes slowly drives us apart. It's kinda sad to be lost for things to talk about when we finally meet up and get done with the pleasantries (which include all the crap, jokes and humour)

Someone once mentioned friends are like spices in life. They add flavour, taste and even something extra to an otherwise plain journey in life. Someone else mentioned that a friendship occurs when two people find that, wow, there's someone out there just like them, with the same interests and all.

However, someone else once mentioned that Christ is our best friend. After all, when you put the same weight of expectation upon the normal friends we have, friendships do crumble as none can actually bear the weight of selfishness. But if we go in with an attitude of wanting to bless, friendships will prosper.

As for me, yes, my friends are ultimately very important to me. If you do feel that I've done you wrong, just drop me a line. And, it would be interesting to get your opinion on this issue about friends and friendships.

God Bless~

p/s: Yes Nick, it's not final year syndrome. After all, I've been final year for 3 years

A good test

Your Brain Usage Profile:
Auditory : 58%
Visual : 41%
Left : 33%
Right : 66%

Leo, you show a slight right-hemisphere dominance with a moderate preference for auditory processing, an unusual and somewhat paradoxical combination of characteristics.

You are drawn to a random and sometimes nonchalant synthesis of material. You learn as it seems important to a specific situation, and might even develop a resentment of others who attempt to direct your learning down a specific channel.

Your right-hemispheric dominance provides a structure that is only loosely organized and one which processes entire swatches of reality, overlooking details. You are emotional in your reactions and perceptual more than logical in your approach, although you can impose structure and a language base when necessary.

Your auditory preference, on the other hand, implies that you process information sequentially and unidimensionally. This combination of right-brain and auditory modes creates conflict, as you want to process data more rapidly than your natural processes allow.

Your tendency to be creative and free-flowing is accompanied by sufficient ability to organize and be logical, allowing you a reasonable degree of success in a number of different endeavors. You take in information methodically and systematically which can then be synthesized rapidly. In this manner, you manage to function consistently well, although certainly less efficiently than you desire.

You prefer the abstract and are a theoretician at heart while retaining the ability to be practical. You find the symbolism in a great deal of what you encounter and are something of a "mystic."

With regards to your lifestyle, you have the mentality which would be good as a philosopher, writer, journalist, or instructor, or possibly as a systems designer or social worker. Perhaps most important is your ability to "listen to your inner voice" as a mode of skipping over unnecessary steps to achieve your goals.
--------------------------------------------

I've been always fascinated with Personality Tests as it tends to reveal deeper things about yourself. Even so, the gluttony of tests around only serves to hamper me as many are just trivial (eg: Find out what kinda girlfriend are you? or Which LOTR character suits you best? Esshh) Thus, dropping by John See's blog one day, I found this personality test.

So how is it? These are the results of the 1st time trying it. Subsequently I tried it again and again and again (hehe, wanted to get better results), but find that this describes me the best. Once, I was even given the results of being a logical and organized(!?) person, exactly the same as Li Lian's test results.

What can I say about this results? Well, it's true I was never a very logical person. I was always in a world of my own in classes, with day dreams of space ships and super powers, heheh. There was just enough logic to help me scrape through my maths and science in secondary school. I never did pass Additional Maths until SPM trials. And in form 6, Maths and Biology were killer papers for me. I could never pass them though I studied 8 hours a day, everyday.

Ever wondered why Engineering? It was a passion of mine to be a Doctor in form 6. To save the people out there from their hurts and wounds. Only later, I found that God's plan for my life was not to save them physically but spiritually. And it was a struggle as I rather be a pastor than some evangelist. After all, there aren't many evangelists around Malaysia, aren't there?

But God's call came again and again. Even when I wasn't exactly walking with God at times. God spoke to me when I met my ailing Grandpa. God spoke to me when on a mission trip in Cambodia. Their poverty struck me. And God spoke to me when a dear friend stuggled with life in the ICU before eventually passing away. 'Would you go?', He asked. 'Yes' was the promise I gave.

Oh yea, on the previous question, why Engineering? Because it's a passport. A passport to do God's work. A passport to go to countries a bible college degree would not allow me to. A passport to ministry. And well, it's been a long journey to getting this passport. Looks like I've gotta put in much more effort in Engineering subjects next semester.

Okay then. Do check out John See's, Nick Lim's, Daniel Khoo's, Li Lian's and Sarah's blogs for their personality test results. How about you? Would you try it as well? Do post a comment here if you've tried the test as well *smile*

p/s: If you're interested in good personality tests, do check out the DISC personality test and also the Keirsey's Temperament Sorter.

Those trailers

Recently they built U-turn flyovers along the Puchong stretch of the LDP (Damansara-Puchong Highway) I can't guess how much they spent, but those flyovers do look impressive (and I must add, expensive too, heh). However, being Malaysia, they did not put the proper road signs (as in the whole Malaysia too, though boasting one of the best highways in the world), causing well, believe it or not, stuck lorries.

It was during our lunch break when we were on our way back from our excursion to some Puchong 'Chap Fan' restaurant. There were the two of us in my friend's Waja
'Wah, bad jam man'
'Ya dude, jam at this hour somore, what's this la'
'Hey check that out!'
'What?'
'The trailer is stuck up there!' *gasp*

You can trust the government to build proper highways. Just becareful of their signboards *grin*

Hope while the storm rages

Turmoil,
When everything shatters,
A million questions, many uncared,
Deep valleys, rocky pathways,
Where is God when it hurts?

Run,
To a place to hide,
Shall I give up? Shall I let go?
'Curse God and die,' said Job's wife,
I shall still hold on to Christ, even if I die.

Redemption,
When storms and pains calmed,
A brighter future, a brand new day,
God making things alright in His own way,
Christ my saviour for all of my days.
-----------------------------------------

Hi there~! This is the first time I'm posting a poem as a post. And nope, I'm not down and depressed. Am really fine actually (except for a leaky nose, time to call the plumber, hahaha~)

I thought of the poem sometime last week, when something happened (ya, I know, it's all ambigious, but well it's private, heh) It was during the midst of it all, the uncertainty and yet the hurt that I felt God's presence and God's reassurance that it'll all turn out fine. Just like the sun after the storm.

Things are fine now, friendships better off than what I expected. A testimony to trusting in God even when the storms seem to beat so hard. God's there even if nobody care. And it's even more true when thoughts of running away from problems clouds my mind over and over again.

What else can I say? It's amazing how God has brought the guy nobody wanted to know, the guy nobody gave much hope in, the guy they once called a loser, so far. Hope in the Lord, that's all I can say. Trust in Him although situations you're in drives you to tears. The Lord, our God will bring you through it all.

As I'm writing this, we're on the verge of starting a Youth ministry. And I have faith that God will use this to impact the community, the people and finally the nation. Dreams of revival, of preaching in stadiums filled to the brim, of seeing the Muslims saved. Not bad for a person they once wrote off as a loser huh?

God Bless~!

Redemption

Sometimes, the past comes back to haunt me. At unguarded moments, memories of hurtful remarks, painful actions and even rejection replays itself through my mind, though some happen way back 2,5 or even 8 years ago. Some as fresh as memories of yesterday, as vivid as the setting sun and the shining blue moon.

'You loser!'
'What? Not with him. Anyone else but him..'
'Weirdo!'
'You just don't belong here Leo, perhaps somewhere else, but not here..'

And at times like this, it takes a whole load of guts to continue on. To know that I've changed. That it's no longer the past, but the present. Sometimes, the mental anguish runs rule over a calm mind as it feels like a thousand swords piercing through your heart and the very fabric of your existence. Words, though might not injure physically, can leave scars that run deep.

It was on one of these days when I was reminded of the samaritan woman. Rejected, ashamed and even perhaps ridiculed in the small town of hers. Her past had caught up with her and even took over her life. She could not even take water from the well with the other ladies in the morning, for she had to go alone in the evening, when it was empty of the people who might start pointing fingers at her. After all, she's notorious even among a society that did not value holiness and Godliness.

Maybe she had been doing this for awhile. Maybe for quite some time. And perhaps, for a number of years. Alone. Rejected. Without a glimmer of hope. She goes around with her shame covering her, just like her veil and her cloak. It's her past she's not proud of, and the very same past that holds her guilty. Society has been cruel in reminding her of her mistakes. How can she shake them off in such a time like that?

And as we read John 4:4-26, we find out that Jesus Christ had came specifically to the small town to set her free. The day was hers. The opportunity, hers. And finally, the redemption, hers. Redemption from the crushing guilt that people continue to hold her to. Redemption from the past that shackled her life. Redemption from sin and pain.

As God reminded me of this story, of His grace and mercy and of His promise of a yoke that is light and easy, I'm free again from the past that haunts me. Free from the hurts, the pains and the rejections I encountered through growing up. Free from expectations. And finally free to be myself again.

Though I might have to face the struggle of the past once again on another day, it's okay as I know God has redeemed me as He once did with the samaritan lady. He is a God of second chance that has given me new life to breathe and live again.

How about you? Would you surrender your life to Christ? Every hurt, pain and rejection that continues to bind you? Though it's a tough journey, God is there for us all.

God Bless~!

The Passion of the Christ

I finally had the liberty of watching the movie, 'The Passion of the Christ' last weekend as Ken wanted to find someone to join him. And so, there we were, 2 guys on a date (hahaha, we're still straight guys ya~) at 1-Utama.


And it was a good movie that challenged me on my walk with God. Just before the movie:
Ken : I think we must go buy tissuelah, later cry man..
me : Tissue ar? Haihh~ I won't cry man..
Ken : Nevermind, I've got my pillow to hug if I cry..

Unexpectedly, the scene where Jesus was betrayed, the floodgates broke open. There was the realness in which the Bible Scriptures jumped up and became alive. The Pharisees looked condesending and degrading. Judas, the ever timid and yet there was the element of greed in him. And Jesus, willing to take up His cross even though He knew the suffering He was going to suffer.

The only problem was that Caviezel's injuries looked plastered on instead of being real. I was personally distracted by this, though, up to now, this is the best and most moving film on Christ ever made.

It seems that watching the movie only confirmed even more of what God's trying to move in my heart. Am I willing to take up and bear my cross just as Christ did it? Are you willing to do so as well?

Help me keep this passion~

God Bless~
p/s: I always wondered why it's called 'The Passion of the Christ' instead of 'The Passion of Christ'. Anybody for their 2 cents worth? hehe.

Humbled

The last few weeks has been a humbling experience for me. Industrial training, while with its fun, also shows dat the actual working world is harsh, tough and even sensitive.

While working in Chilli's Midvalley, I might have faced tough, problematic customers, but everyone was in their late teens to their late 20s, making all of us stand in equal footing as colleagues working as waiters. Chilli's was fun, great, eye-opening to my abilities and gifts and finally without much of a problem.

But working in this new, small environment, where I'm just a trainee Engineer is akin to walking a minefield, as the company has had a lot of underlying currents running beneath the relationships in the workplace. Though people might seem to be cheerful and bubbly, the truth is dat perhaps they aren't.

The crux point came yesterday, amidst some casual joking with the assistant manager and a few colleagues, when one of them suddenly grabbed me by my shoulder and said, 'Remember your position as a trainee ah...'. I was stunned.

And as I went, 'Huh?', he repeated it again and threatened to do bodily harm. Even the assistant manager was surprised to see his reaction. But as the storm calmed down, we found out dat he actually did this to another staff before.

I was left thinking about it the whole day. Was it my wrong? Did I offend him (though not on purpose)? My other colleagues did say dat it wasn't my fault. But how would it affect my testimony as the only professing Christian in this workplace? I don't know. *sigh*

Humbled, dats what I called this post. Humbled to know dat the world outside there isn't as nice, friendly and perhaps as forgiving as what we know when we're still studying and in church. Humbled to know dat there are a lot of sensitive people out there dat needs to be handled with care.

Humbled to know dat there is still a long journey to go, especially in handling people, though many have said I've improved much.

God, help me please~

Amen

Missions Report : Day 1

Ah, it's all in reverse for this portion of the report. After finishing day 2 to day 5, here's day 1 before I forget anything (and jumble up the report again, heh)
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Day 1 : 2/9/04

We started off with devotions and worship. Can't quite recall who did devotions dat day though. After that, I couldn't recall what happened until we were in the car (haihh, can someone help me here?)

It was a one hour plus journey there as we used the way through Serdang to Kajang. Ken got us lost a couple of times as we manouvered ourselves through. We had great cheap chap fan in Kajang. (which was our last meal that was duly paid for by the missions fund)

Reaching Rumah Keluarga Kami, we unloaded. It was a sad sight seeing the dipilated state of the orphanage. There were two houses, one for the boys and another for the girls. It so happen that the one for the boys was in a worse condition.

We didn't have much to do there except clean up the place. Thus, as the girls cleaned up the insides of the girls orphanage, we, the guys, cleaned out the field before cleaning up the boys orphanage.

It was a sad sight with bad smell as we washed up the boys orphanage. Even sadder are the kids who are so in need of love and attention that they did things to get our attention.

After finishing with our cleaning, we set forward to entertain the kids and make them some baloons. It's astonishing to see quiet, adorable kids suddenly transform into Captain Planet once they have their lightsabers (ahah, those baloonsla) Audrey made her only bumblebee of the trip, cute baloon but it didn't appeal to those Captain Planet kinda kids.

And it was surprising too to see Chee Yong good with kids. Kids were practically hanging around him. Chris made another good kid handler too, especially with his baloon making skills. Presumably good dad in the future hor? (hehe, Jane'nette's gonna kill me if she reads this)

After everything, we needed to head back around 6 as the kids had dinner later and had to wash up. Thus, we prayed for them. It was a hard time for me as suddenly I felt for them and felt I should have done more and perhaps talked more to them (the older ones). Suddenly I felt sorry for their bleak future and their poor lives while we all live in luxury in comparison with them.

And I began to appreciate my family more, although mom and dad seldom brought us out while young and emphasised a lot on results, but it was good. They sheltered us from the fact that we were living poorly. In fact dad saved most of his money for us all.

Dinner was at some place in Kajang. It was good as the dishes were superb. We didn't have money from the missions fund for our dinner as we had given it to the orphanage when we left.

Later on, we dropped Angeline off at Putrajaya before heading to Tesco, Alamanda to buy stuff for the missions proper. It was good too to see a live band playing 'Girl from Ipanema' in Alamanda. A really nice place with nice decor. And it was fun crapping with the rest.

Think I was knocked out by the time we reached back Cyberjaya. But it was an eye opener to the Temerloh/Mentakab trip

The working Engineer

Ah, I finally got online, courtesy of my brother's spare pc and the streamyx account dat we have at home. It's been a hectic week since coming back from the mission trip in Mentakab.

Firstly, I finally started work as an Engineer, albeit a trainee Engineer in the repair center here with SEL Telecommunications, Puchong (SEL = Stuttgart Elektrik erm..forgot dy, heheehe). It's pretty tough as work is from 8am - 5pm dailly. Find myself lying in bed trying to fall asleep (and trying to dream I'm on a dream holiday lying on the beach in Hawaii with a good book in my hands or skiing in Switzerland with a helicopter filming my greatest stunts *grin*)

There's not much to do here except learn about testing & learning to fix PCB boards, screwing and unscrewing items & some minor field work. Every 2 hours or so we talk and joke around a bit (though the jokes my colleagues crack are usually hamsap jokes, haihhh~ Dat happens when everyone working there are guys *sigh*).

One good thing though. We had company dinner at Kelana Jaya Seafood Center on my 2nd day at work (and it was free! Heh)

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Secondly, was a bit discouraged on the state of the church since coming back from the mission trip. There's so much more we can do, so much more we can achieve, so much more than just doing church on Sundays. And the thought has been going on for sometime oredy.

There were times recently dat I felt like quitting, giving up and letting go, and just moving on to some other church where it's easier. Where people are more gung ho and want to do something more. Where the fellowship between members are closer. I just dunno at times...

But I guess every church would have it's weaknesses and strengths. It's been a great 1 and a half years in church, where I've grown much in confidence, personality and even maturity. Where the people are loving and accepting to my faults, my weaknesses and my crappiness. (Ah, Jeff is more crappy than me! hehehe)

But coming back, I just dunno why, but I felt it's time for us to take the next step up in faith and commitment to start something new and to help grow the church. And coming back, it was pleasant to find the church expanded with a 2nd floor and all.

We might be starting a Youth ministry soon. And I might get involved in the drugs rehablitation ministry as well. Everything is still under discussion. But, there is a genuine need for a church in the area to meet the needs of the secondary school kids. I pray that the church is our church.

Guess dat's all. Do keep us in your prayers. God Bless~

p/s: Will update on mission trip and post photos by Friday night, hopefully *smile*

Missions Report : Day 3

Day 3 - 4/9/04

I was halfway through the previous post when I realised I did not write about the trip to the orphanage that was part of the missions trip. Now I know when we went to Alamanda. Anyhows, will post that up later
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We woke up early for the next day. Actually I woke up one of the last as it was very tiring for me (haiyoo..paiseh paiseh, hehe) At 9 am, we did our morning worship and dailly devotions as Su Chen led. After that we went into the 4 cars and also the Jeep as Charles led us for breakfast. We changed into the Van and Jeep just before breakfast.

It was great to finally sit in a Jeeper jeep for the 1st time in my life. In our excitement to sit in it, we ended up cramping 5 people in it. Dat was the start of the butt ache story. The rest, as they say, is history...


Breakfast was another crazy experience as we never expected so much food. It seemed that Charles wanted to fatten us all up (to be cooked?! Aiks~!!) There were 3 dishes on the table when Audrey snapped a photo, thinking it would be it. But the 4th came, followed by the 5th, the 6th and finally the 7th (!) And all were different style of noodles plus 1 Yong Tau Foo dish. Now I know where all my six packs went to, haihhh~~ It was already slowly dissapearing like a Houdini act then


After the sumptious meal, Boss went off to buy his undies supply (which ended up as too tight, hahahaha) and forgot to buy me my towel. So then, I had to run to the Pasarraya to get mine. We did manage to have some time to play pepsi-cola, though its called different names in other places.

Playing dat does bring back the good times I had in primary school. Pepsi Cola, Police and thieves, badminton, etc etc. Unfortunately, Charis killed me with her 1st move (*sigh*, what's with girls bullying guys nowadays? hmm...)


It was a long journey to the next village. And also a tough, butt-aching one as we cramped into the jeep. There, we (Boss, Joshua Chiam, Chee Yong, Chris Chou and me) formed the Jeep Crew as we cracked joke after joke (lame jokes included) on our journey there. Yea, the king of lame jokes was in the car as well, hehehe

Also, Josh, Boss and me had to share butt space in an already cramped passenger seat at the back. (and to think of it, Charis and Audrey wanted to change seats with one of us to sit at the back. We saved them the butt ache, heh) Yea, I wanted to doze off actually, but the fact was, it was impossible due to the cramped butt we were all having, haihhh~

We arrived at the next village in the afternoon, around 12:45 or 1pm but were too full from breakfast to eat the chicken rice Charles tapaued on the way there. Some din even eat at all.


As we hanged out the Church, Chern Liang, Bea and Charis amused themselved with the toilets (I wondered what they were doing, spending so much time outside the toilets, instead of being in them, hehe)

We sat around for awhile after lunch, being too full to move around but too sleepy to do anything else. It was really a lot of food.Perhaps dat was what being pregnant felt like. Thank God we didn't go burping around, though we would probably have appreciated the chicken rice better if we weren't dat full. Audrey had some ulcer in her mouth, warranting a shot, while Charis had a ladybird on her arm. Too bad it flew away as I tried a close up shot.


Oh yea, Boss fell asleep and wouldn't wake up although the gals, led by Bea tried to wake him up. Think Boss wouldn't wake up even if u pinched him. Thus, being the mischevious gals they are (ah, never expected this), they gave Boss the ultimate cool look. It was really amusing to see them give Boss a makeover, just like the TV series, Queer Eye for the Straight guy.


Anyhows, after introduction to the church elders and caretakers, the children came in. At first only a few came. And we thought dat's it, kau tim man. Just a few cute kids. But then, more and more kept coming in. There were 3 batches of kids I think and a total of 60 over kids, all full of energy and with a smile readily pasted on their faces. It was a bit scary for me as I never did handle sunday school before (Would be making the kids laugh around too much instead of studying~! haha)


And it was good as Ken took charge of the songs with all his erm, comical faces and Bea played the guitar. They had changed roles in the last minute. Thought it was a good move as Bea might just frighten off the kids with her comical face, hehehe (sorry ya Bea, just had to say dat *grin*)

I felt the team did a good job as everyone participated in the songs, doing all those funny moves and dances. You can even see the joy in the faces of the team members who were trying hard to get the kids to follow. And in the end, it was a good time of great fun, especially seeing the kids jump around in amusement.

Then came Chris with his puppeteers, Chern Liang and Josh and also Chee Yong the Goliath, who greatly entertained the kids with their puppet show on David and Goliath. It was really good and funny. Think we all had a load of laughter though we had seen it a couple of times. We are proud of them. Now, we can start our own sesame street huh? (Yah, and Spiderman do exists in Sesame Streetlahh. Really wan *grin*)

Later on, Boss did his version of a gameshow as he shared with the kids about Christ, salvation and christianity. The kids went into a frenzy as they were divided into 3 groups, led by Josh, Ken and Angeline. Now dats a good way to keep the kids attention. I was with the kids, trying to drum up more noise, haha, like asking them to shout even louder.


The pretty girls, led by Audrey did their wonderful dance(wah, spellbounding. Helped wash our eyes, hahaha) Su Chen did not do the dance as she joined us to cheer for them (haihh, we're the pom pom guys, heh)

It was after the dance dat Audrey, Chris and the rest then went around making baloons for the kids. There were visible signs of excitement from the kids as we took out the baloons and distributed it to them. As we passed the baloons around, some did not want to pass it to the next in fear that he/she might not get it. Though the fear was unfounded.

It was amazing to see them so excited over baloons though. City kids would rather have toys amounting up to hundreds of ringgit though.

As Audrey taught the kids from the front, the rest of us sat around the kids and
tried our best as well to help out as well as look macho in front of the kids, heh. It was hard for those baloon-phobic people like me and Ken though.

But it was rewarding to see the look of joy in their faces when we helped all of them to finish folding their baloons into rabbits. Thus was the end of our morning adventure with the kids from dat kampung. It was a good experience


We then said goodbye to the kids as we then chatted abit with the church leaders of dat kampung. As the Pakcik prayed for the food in bahasa Semelai, some of us were touched as it was the 1st time in the missions trip we actually joined them in prayer in some other language. After that, we finished up our goodbyes before heading off to the next place. It was really encouraging to see the response from the kampung kids, considering the experience of aversion the day before when we visited the Che Wong tribe.


It was a pleasant surprise as Charles took us to Tasik Bera. Charles had previously told us we were going straight to the next kampung to do some gotong royong/cleaning up job.

And it was another pleasant surprise when we were told dat we were going on a boat ride, something we never expected. We did worry about the cost though as we did not want Charles to go around paying for us.

There we were divided into 4 groups as there were only 2 boats. Thus the other 2 groups had to wait as the 1st 2 went off.


Thus, there were Josh, Boss, Chee Yong, Audrey, Me and also Ray playing Mafia while waiting for the rest to come. We were stranded. 6 bored people. 5 guys and a gal, so we can't probably go around playing masak-masak could we?

At least it was better than to just look at the lake for birds and fireflys. Though, the game opened my eyes to Mafia. And I found that it was a really addictive and fun game as well. Ya, plus all those bluffs. Josh tried tricking us to believe he was the spy once, haihhh..he failed miserably. Audrey tried to pretend she's the spy as well, hahahaha~!


The boats came after 20 minutes and took us for a ride of our lives. We were still at mafia then~! And I was the mafia and I wanted to kill Boss next..*sigh* The boat ride was fast, adrenaline rushing and good too. Not to mention deafening Still can't forget the way Audrey screamed as we approached some crazily small opening with the boat. It was the skill of the boatmen that kept us alive then, heh.

And it was a surprise (or a shock) to see Su Chen, Charis and the rest in the water, forming a circle. What happened to the civilized Su Chen I thought I knew? Hehehe. Apparently they were trying out some synchronised swimming/or trying to play dead as Chern Liang said. I personally thought that they capsized (!) for dat matter, heh. Must be an overactive imagination huh?

We soon joined them with only Audrey and Ray opting to keep away from the water. Chee Yong tried to, but we caught him and threw him in. Ray was smarter though. He held on to his camera. *sigh* And Audrey? Hmm, we're gentlemens.

And there we were, some farting in the lake, others pissing in it (man, Christians, kononnya) and the others just playing around with water and bullying others. It was real great fun, really...Never had so much crazy fun for a long time dy. Guess dats one of the hallmarks of this mission trip, we just be ourselves without worrying about impressing others.


It was all us again as the 1st 2 groups then left for the ride of their lives. (wondered if they screamed like crazy, hmm...) So guess what we did? We Mafia-ed again! Crazy people aren't we? And it rained, and it was cold. But we didn't care, for we were mafia-ing. It was really great fun. Hahahaha, din feel like I was all the 24 I was. Chee Yong and Josh made some patterns on the bushes with their piss though (sigh..)

We arrived at the pier only to wait as it rained heavily. No Mafia this time though. Guess dat everyone was really tired at this juncture. Tired but happy. It has been a long time since I had so much carefree fun. The Tasik Bera chapter of the mission trip was an experience I would always treasure *smile*

After the rain subsided, we washed up and went to the next village, Pak Sudin's place. At that time, we were famished and hungry. Not to mentioned, worn out from all the playing. I could have eaten a wild boar alive if there was one then, hehehe.


It was a nice and cosy place that Pak Sudin built for himself. Somehow, it just felt like home. We had dinner after settling down. Dinner was good with good nice wild boar pork that was well cooked. It was also an eye opener to how nice petais could be as it was well cooked then.

I turned from a petai hater into a petai lover dat night (think a few of us converted dat night, when's the petai baptism ceremony huh? *grin*) And it was interesting talking to Pak Sudin about how he cooked the food and other stuff. It was only later that I found out dat Pak Sudin was a former Chef with some hotel.


After dinner and clearing up, we had a great time with the debriefing. This time, it was turned based as individuals took turns sharing what they've learned and what they expected. Still couldn't believe that they had a heartful of laugh when I shared my side of the story. Man, I was being serious and was sharing my heart....*sigh* But still, it was a really good time to understand each other better and more.


Later on, we walked around looking at the stars and the moon and not forgetting the artificial satellites. It was indeed nice and at times I regretted not jumping in the river that was next to the place Pak Sudin built. If only I was more crazy (!)It was a good and nice talk I had too.


We then washed up and got ready to sleep as the night went on. It was indeed a day to behold as I felt the events brought us all closer. An eventful day. A really nice day.