Been listening to some Jars of Clay songs these few days. Here's some pretty nice and yet interesting ones. Do check out the lyrics.
=======================================
The Widowing Field
I’m sure that I could never make it through a night without you here
The fire in the skies illuminates the demons closing in.
Chorus
Have mercy on my soul if I am not the last,
Have mercy on my soul if I am not the last to go.
As I crawl along these trails and fight upon this widowing field.
The ground below is bare and burned in the places I have learned to trust you.
Believe in silence sets my heart to racing.
I will lift my eyes to you, please, Father, find me.
=============================================================
Lonely People
This is for all the lonely people
Thinkin' that life has passed them by
Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
Ride that highway in the sky
This is for all the single people
Thinkin' that life has left them dry
Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
You'll never know until you try
Chorus
Cause, I'm on my way
Yes, I'm on my way
Yeah, i'm on my way back home
This is for all the lonely people
Thinkin' that life has passed them by
Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
She'll never take you down or never give you up
You'll never know until you try
===================================================
Something Beautiful
[verse]
If you put your arms around me
Could it change the way I feel
I guess I let myself believe
That the outside might just
Bleed it's way in
Maybe stir the sleeping past
Lying under glass
Waiting for the kiss
That breaks this awful spell
Pull me out...of this lonely cell
[chorus]
Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful
[verse]
What I get from my reflection
Isn't what I thought I'd see
Give me reason to believe
Never leave me incomplete
Will you untie this loss of mine
It so easily defines me
Do you see it on my face?
And all I can think about
Is how long
I've been waiting to feel you move me
[chorus]
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful
[bridge]
And I'm still fighting for the
Word to break these chains
And I still pray when I look
In your eyes, you'll stare right
Back down into something beautiful
[chorus]
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful
Monday, April 25, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Intermission
Wasn't around the last few days. But I'll post something soon, perhaps in 2-3 days time. Do check back then~
God Bless!
God Bless!
Friday, April 08, 2005
A faith to call our own
I like Phillip Yancey's writings. They inspire some serious thinking about how we view our Christianity, our faith and what we believe. Are we living on spoon-fed Christianity that has been instilled from Sunday Schools and Superkids events, all the way to Planetshakers and Youth Alive concerts?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against all those events (heh,was even invited to be on the committee for some of them), but what kind of culture do we feed our youths with? Do we hype them up for the 3 days and 2 nights the conference is held and then leave them on their own? Are we teaching them more about hype and feelings of the moment than providing them a solid foundation for their faith? Are we losing focus?
Phillip Yancey has always forced me to examine my faith. Is my faith my own? If so, then why do I keep giving myself excuses to do the ambigious things that I still do? (hmm, like movies, would you still watch a movie that has nudity although it's a good movie? Or perhaps my temperament too) Reading the book, Soul Survivor, I'm forced to ask myself whether I'm living my faith to the people around me, or am I just another cultural Christian who is comfortable with going to church on Sunday and hanging out with the CF/church bunch, like salt losing it's saltiness.
And reading more, Yancey mentioned about the turbulent times of the 60s as an example, when racism was strife around US. The times when Martin Luther King, though a bible college graduate himself and the son of a pastor, was branded a communist by the Southern Baptist pastors, at his stance of non violent marching against racism. And so much so, they continued marching though beaten and killed, as it was the only way to show the world on how Christianity should be practiced instead of just being spoken. And Martin Luther had to even struggle with forgiving those who hated him, writing a letter that defined his struggles. True, he tried living a life based on the Beatitudes, a series of teachings of Christ that shocked even his own followers back in Jerusalem then.
No, I no longer read books by Tommy Tenney who urge us for more zeal, more faith, or even Benny Hinn, who talks about miracles, visions and prophecies. How much faith can we have, when we live life on zeal alone? And how much can we base our Christian faith on what someone tells us as a prophecy? Would it even be true? I've been burned and let down trying to follow these teachings. How much more zeal do I need to make God happy? And if I fail, is there grace, grace that Tenney didn't talk much about.
No, life is about examination of our faith at certain points of our lives. I like driving around the town, or perhaps just seating at a crowded shopping complex when I have something to think about, some questions on life that I need an answer from God on. And though at times I don't come back with anything, the process of observing people and realising that it's all about showing Christ's love gives me strength to continue calling myself a Christian for another day.
I've grown tired of just going to church, talking some small talk and then resuming back our own lives like we're strangers when we get back. And even more, when the weak, the weird and the quiet gets left out in the church that increasingly looks toward being corporate instead of being what it's originally meant to be, a beacon of hope and love in a community hard up for it. Sivin Kit posted up a link on Christians quitting church for the good of it. The question we have to ask ourselves is, 'Why?' Has the church evolved so much that the needs of the people has been neglected?
On a personal level, I do feel regrets looking back at past photos. There I was, loud, noisy and with a very high level of inferiority complex. Just that I kept hiding my insecurities under the mask of being noisy. And I wonder what would happen if I was different? If I had been the person I am now back then, would I have gotten along more with others? Would life in MMU be so much more colourful? Would I have been more effective giving my hurts to Christ instead of burying myself under a glut of games back then?
Tears fill my eyes as I recount back every single stupidity I've done. But yet, hope fills my heart as I look towards the future. Indeed, changing church and opening up helped me in my pilgrimage as a Christian. No longer do I often glace with self-pity at myself, but I look and see how much can I impact others with Christ, even without mentioning the gospel. After all, bombarding another with claims that they need to be saved, while our lives stinks of pride, judgement and sin, just plain sucks.
I do not know where and how God would lead me from here on. But I do know that it's not just about how much fun and fellowship we can have. After all, we Christians have been branded cliqish and hypocrites by the very people we hope to reach out to. Even my mom complained about her so-called Christian colleagues who went around bad mouthing others. And it's so hard to bring her to church and eventually Christ because of this. (my mom's a buddhist)
Are we going to do anything about it? Are we going to reflect and see how much we've been commisioned to? Are we going to make the faith we call our own as truly our own?
God Bless~
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against all those events (heh,was even invited to be on the committee for some of them), but what kind of culture do we feed our youths with? Do we hype them up for the 3 days and 2 nights the conference is held and then leave them on their own? Are we teaching them more about hype and feelings of the moment than providing them a solid foundation for their faith? Are we losing focus?
Phillip Yancey has always forced me to examine my faith. Is my faith my own? If so, then why do I keep giving myself excuses to do the ambigious things that I still do? (hmm, like movies, would you still watch a movie that has nudity although it's a good movie? Or perhaps my temperament too) Reading the book, Soul Survivor, I'm forced to ask myself whether I'm living my faith to the people around me, or am I just another cultural Christian who is comfortable with going to church on Sunday and hanging out with the CF/church bunch, like salt losing it's saltiness.
And reading more, Yancey mentioned about the turbulent times of the 60s as an example, when racism was strife around US. The times when Martin Luther King, though a bible college graduate himself and the son of a pastor, was branded a communist by the Southern Baptist pastors, at his stance of non violent marching against racism. And so much so, they continued marching though beaten and killed, as it was the only way to show the world on how Christianity should be practiced instead of just being spoken. And Martin Luther had to even struggle with forgiving those who hated him, writing a letter that defined his struggles. True, he tried living a life based on the Beatitudes, a series of teachings of Christ that shocked even his own followers back in Jerusalem then.
No, I no longer read books by Tommy Tenney who urge us for more zeal, more faith, or even Benny Hinn, who talks about miracles, visions and prophecies. How much faith can we have, when we live life on zeal alone? And how much can we base our Christian faith on what someone tells us as a prophecy? Would it even be true? I've been burned and let down trying to follow these teachings. How much more zeal do I need to make God happy? And if I fail, is there grace, grace that Tenney didn't talk much about.
No, life is about examination of our faith at certain points of our lives. I like driving around the town, or perhaps just seating at a crowded shopping complex when I have something to think about, some questions on life that I need an answer from God on. And though at times I don't come back with anything, the process of observing people and realising that it's all about showing Christ's love gives me strength to continue calling myself a Christian for another day.
I've grown tired of just going to church, talking some small talk and then resuming back our own lives like we're strangers when we get back. And even more, when the weak, the weird and the quiet gets left out in the church that increasingly looks toward being corporate instead of being what it's originally meant to be, a beacon of hope and love in a community hard up for it. Sivin Kit posted up a link on Christians quitting church for the good of it. The question we have to ask ourselves is, 'Why?' Has the church evolved so much that the needs of the people has been neglected?
On a personal level, I do feel regrets looking back at past photos. There I was, loud, noisy and with a very high level of inferiority complex. Just that I kept hiding my insecurities under the mask of being noisy. And I wonder what would happen if I was different? If I had been the person I am now back then, would I have gotten along more with others? Would life in MMU be so much more colourful? Would I have been more effective giving my hurts to Christ instead of burying myself under a glut of games back then?
Tears fill my eyes as I recount back every single stupidity I've done. But yet, hope fills my heart as I look towards the future. Indeed, changing church and opening up helped me in my pilgrimage as a Christian. No longer do I often glace with self-pity at myself, but I look and see how much can I impact others with Christ, even without mentioning the gospel. After all, bombarding another with claims that they need to be saved, while our lives stinks of pride, judgement and sin, just plain sucks.
I do not know where and how God would lead me from here on. But I do know that it's not just about how much fun and fellowship we can have. After all, we Christians have been branded cliqish and hypocrites by the very people we hope to reach out to. Even my mom complained about her so-called Christian colleagues who went around bad mouthing others. And it's so hard to bring her to church and eventually Christ because of this. (my mom's a buddhist)
Are we going to do anything about it? Are we going to reflect and see how much we've been commisioned to? Are we going to make the faith we call our own as truly our own?
God Bless~
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
The Yuppie
I finally look like a yuppie! With the new 3100 that I bought, plus the Sony Clie and my wireless Centrino laptop, I could virtually seat around Starbucks with a pair of Raybans and 'try' (note the word try) looking cool while sipping coffee. Haha, so much for first impressions huh? Perhaps I should go there with those gadgets and wear some shorts and a singlet, just like one of those apeks. Gotta show some armpit hair too! Hehehehe..(guess those ah lian girls would be wondering who's the handsome apek yuppie seating around with all his armpit hair showing. Bleh!)
But why upgrade the phone? Reading John's blog on being a minimalist, I do agree that the 3310 is one of the hardiest phones around. But then, I keep my smses, and I loath to decide which to delete. And the 3310 only has space for 10! (compared to the newer models which can store around 150 smses) Plus, you get to transfer your smses to your pc as backup too! :)
Another good reason is dat you can start recycling Christmas and CNY smses, hehe, especially those that look really good. It's indeed a pity I had to delete most of them off. Plus, some took 2 whole days to arrive during Christmas! Imagine getting Christmas wishes on the 27th, while they were sent on the 25th. Hmm, must be that the data packets had to be resent due to a full inbox..
But the main reason has got to do with a failing keypad and battery. I guess I've gotten enough of having to retype smses when the phone suddenly clears everything(!) Haha, I'm shure I'm not the only one here right?
Okay then. Guess I'm gonna go to one of those pasar malams in ss2 or SK to find a cheap RayBan lookalike for my yuppie outfit. Hehe, cheers~!
But why upgrade the phone? Reading John's blog on being a minimalist, I do agree that the 3310 is one of the hardiest phones around. But then, I keep my smses, and I loath to decide which to delete. And the 3310 only has space for 10! (compared to the newer models which can store around 150 smses) Plus, you get to transfer your smses to your pc as backup too! :)
Another good reason is dat you can start recycling Christmas and CNY smses, hehe, especially those that look really good. It's indeed a pity I had to delete most of them off. Plus, some took 2 whole days to arrive during Christmas! Imagine getting Christmas wishes on the 27th, while they were sent on the 25th. Hmm, must be that the data packets had to be resent due to a full inbox..
But the main reason has got to do with a failing keypad and battery. I guess I've gotten enough of having to retype smses when the phone suddenly clears everything(!) Haha, I'm shure I'm not the only one here right?
Okay then. Guess I'm gonna go to one of those pasar malams in ss2 or SK to find a cheap RayBan lookalike for my yuppie outfit. Hehe, cheers~!
Sunday, April 03, 2005
The Tremor
As you know, Northern Sumatra was hit by a tremor measuring 8.2 on the Ritcher scale. And what panic did the aftershock caused over here, with hordes of screaming people scurrying down the stairs (some topless too, with just a towel to preserve their dignity. Hmm, topless guys I mean, heheh)
Anyways, I will not go into detail about what transpired that night other than the fact majority only joined us at Hassan's when they found out that we could get back home at 3:45 am best. And there we were, like jakuns to the entire situation. Perhaps the panic really got to us. Someone (and I won't name who), even forgot her wallet, haha. Must be the tension huh?
Reading through a link on Jennifer's blog, it's important for us to know what to do and how to do it the next time a tremor or worse, earthquake hits. Click here for more details and information
Till then, do thank God that Malaysians were not affected by this.
Anyways, I will not go into detail about what transpired that night other than the fact majority only joined us at Hassan's when they found out that we could get back home at 3:45 am best. And there we were, like jakuns to the entire situation. Perhaps the panic really got to us. Someone (and I won't name who), even forgot her wallet, haha. Must be the tension huh?
Reading through a link on Jennifer's blog, it's important for us to know what to do and how to do it the next time a tremor or worse, earthquake hits. Click here for more details and information
Till then, do thank God that Malaysians were not affected by this.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Inferiority Complex
Do you know how does it feel like to be of a certain age,but not really feeling that you're that age? As I was praying for wisdom these few days, the implications of my age came to me as I was taking a shower. The thought, "Leo, you're 26" came and though I tried brushing it off by claiming that I'll be 26 only on December, it came again. "Leo, you're 26". Wow. I suddenly felt my age.
And with age, comes responsibility and maturity. And at times, I don't have both. I am a rash person who tends to do things at a spur of the moment and perhaps regret later. Nowadays, it's much more controlled, though at times, I still play a fool to my emotions.
And yes, emotions. As someone mentioned, it's ok to have emotions, to feel weak and down. Even upset. But don't let it affect the people around you. I guess, though nowadays I don't go around breaking things or hitting others as I used to back in secondary school, or even storming off a few years back, I still do affect others by claming up and just keeping quiet. And it does destabilizes the atmosphere.
And reflecting back, I remembered one of my youth leaders back then married at 24 (and he was a guy lar), and here I am. Still emotionally wrecked, still harboured in MMU, still wondering if I'm good enough to get through to others. And thoughts came to my head. Life shouldn't be like this! I shouldn't be some whiny guy at my moments of self doubt. But no, it should be much more different.
I was reading a book, while in search of a discussion topic for our CrossRoadz tomorrow. And as I looked at the topics of discussion in the book, the topics inferiority, loneliness and depression caught my interest.
Reading through, I discovered that I'm no chronic depressed person, but a person with inferiority complex. Going through the symptoms and even the reactions and feelings of an inferior person, I matched it quite closely. And no, I wasn't reading on Sigmund Freud or Carl Jung, but a book for counselors and youth workers.
It's so easy to stay depressed while inferiority eats you up from the inside. And it doesn't help when you don't have a good past to look back to. And what more, it breaks when the people around you don't rally to you and tell you that they accept you despite your circumstances or weaknesses. After all, after getting hurt so much, it's easier to build a psychic wall of defence than to plow it through.
But again I'm writing this, times have changed. Annette's words rang through and through again. Words that said, 'Leo, I believe you're amongst a group of people who genuinely care and love you for who you are. After all these years, there is finally a bunch who cares for you. But you gotta learn to make yourself more likeable. Don't be extreme and talk too much at a point,and clamming up at another'
No, my past is dead. After all, God said that we're a new creation. And we need to affirm that with the renewal of our minds. Gone are the times people said, 'you don't belong here..' Those were idiots who didn't know how much damage they done.
Watching the film, 'What's eating Gilbert Grape' last night, I found a guy facing tremendously hard situations. He had a mentally affected brother and many other circumstances that would make us all break sometime or another. And pondering, I find I'm not too bad. Life doesn't give me such a cruel stroke of fate that I had to endure. I just need to know I'm not inferior.
And yea, it's all those inferiority that causes me to try harder with people. After all, I never believed I'm good enough for others. Never good enough with people skills. What a lie. Were the 12 disciples extremely popular people? Was Gideon a person everyone looked up to from the start? What happened to Joseph when he was sold off and then thrown into prison? And did they all go around thinking that they weren't good enough?
God calls, and God equips. I've currently a ministry to run and well, I believe God has given me the gifts and talents nescessary with it. Even when it comes to people. Most of all, I've learnt that when you strive to gain the friendship and approval of someone, it does not work. The intensity might even scare others away. But let God take control. Pray and have faith that God's leading you and me in all matters of our lives
I am good enough!
Amen!
And with age, comes responsibility and maturity. And at times, I don't have both. I am a rash person who tends to do things at a spur of the moment and perhaps regret later. Nowadays, it's much more controlled, though at times, I still play a fool to my emotions.
And yes, emotions. As someone mentioned, it's ok to have emotions, to feel weak and down. Even upset. But don't let it affect the people around you. I guess, though nowadays I don't go around breaking things or hitting others as I used to back in secondary school, or even storming off a few years back, I still do affect others by claming up and just keeping quiet. And it does destabilizes the atmosphere.
And reflecting back, I remembered one of my youth leaders back then married at 24 (and he was a guy lar), and here I am. Still emotionally wrecked, still harboured in MMU, still wondering if I'm good enough to get through to others. And thoughts came to my head. Life shouldn't be like this! I shouldn't be some whiny guy at my moments of self doubt. But no, it should be much more different.
I was reading a book, while in search of a discussion topic for our CrossRoadz tomorrow. And as I looked at the topics of discussion in the book, the topics inferiority, loneliness and depression caught my interest.
Reading through, I discovered that I'm no chronic depressed person, but a person with inferiority complex. Going through the symptoms and even the reactions and feelings of an inferior person, I matched it quite closely. And no, I wasn't reading on Sigmund Freud or Carl Jung, but a book for counselors and youth workers.
It's so easy to stay depressed while inferiority eats you up from the inside. And it doesn't help when you don't have a good past to look back to. And what more, it breaks when the people around you don't rally to you and tell you that they accept you despite your circumstances or weaknesses. After all, after getting hurt so much, it's easier to build a psychic wall of defence than to plow it through.
But again I'm writing this, times have changed. Annette's words rang through and through again. Words that said, 'Leo, I believe you're amongst a group of people who genuinely care and love you for who you are. After all these years, there is finally a bunch who cares for you. But you gotta learn to make yourself more likeable. Don't be extreme and talk too much at a point,and clamming up at another'
No, my past is dead. After all, God said that we're a new creation. And we need to affirm that with the renewal of our minds. Gone are the times people said, 'you don't belong here..' Those were idiots who didn't know how much damage they done.
Watching the film, 'What's eating Gilbert Grape' last night, I found a guy facing tremendously hard situations. He had a mentally affected brother and many other circumstances that would make us all break sometime or another. And pondering, I find I'm not too bad. Life doesn't give me such a cruel stroke of fate that I had to endure. I just need to know I'm not inferior.
And yea, it's all those inferiority that causes me to try harder with people. After all, I never believed I'm good enough for others. Never good enough with people skills. What a lie. Were the 12 disciples extremely popular people? Was Gideon a person everyone looked up to from the start? What happened to Joseph when he was sold off and then thrown into prison? And did they all go around thinking that they weren't good enough?
God calls, and God equips. I've currently a ministry to run and well, I believe God has given me the gifts and talents nescessary with it. Even when it comes to people. Most of all, I've learnt that when you strive to gain the friendship and approval of someone, it does not work. The intensity might even scare others away. But let God take control. Pray and have faith that God's leading you and me in all matters of our lives
I am good enough!
Amen!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)