Changed

I've changed, really. Just the other day, Pastor Joanne mentioned about us trying out the DISC test as a CF, and there I was mentioning to Charis that I've done it before. And when I mentioned that I was a D=I, she was like, 'Wooah, really?' (haha, D = domineering people. Kinda scary prospect though)

Anyhow, when the graph was plotted out, I found I am actually an I/S/D. Wow! That was a far cry from having an extreme graph previously. Perhaps God's ever changing, moulding and making us more and more into the image He wants us to be.

I distinctly remember a period of time where I was loud for the sake of being loud. It was a hard period of time, where I felt I didn't fit in the CF, church and even in classes. And after CF, I would usually hide myself in a corner of the FOE building not knowing what I was feeling. But I could remember a distinct thought going through my head at that time. The thought that says, 'Leo, you don't have to be loud or noisy to be loved' It was a struggle.

I guess that was made worse with my lack sense of self esteem then and also the past that kept hounding me. Things weren't made easier when a supposedly good friend in church told me, 'Leo, you need to chase after God more, then you'll have more friends' It was an equation that did not make much sense. If I wasn't a Christian, does that mean that the Christians in church would reject me?

And it was something that hindered me from forming better relationships with others. When something does not work out well (or as well as I thought) I would read my bible even more, or perhaps absorb more Christian books (like Phillip Yancey, Lee Strobel, Tommy Tenney). But there was the aspect of people skills, of fun & spontaneity that I was not told about.

Anyhow, as I began to settle in Foursquare, Pastor Jacs kept mentioning to me,'We love you, don't ever forget that'. And at times, I squirmed uncomfortably. It was a far cry from being told in my previous church,'We just can't love you'

As time passed though, I found myself coming out of my shell, of what I tried to potray so hard but failed (used to go around with the thought that I'm Leo the macho. I won't cry in front of others) I found myself just being me, instead of trying to impress others & gain their friendships.

I dunno if there's anyone of you out there feeling the same way. That at times, people don't accept you. That you have to put on a mask, just to be accepted. Remember that Christ has died on the cross to set you free from your past, your hurts, your failures.

Just surrender it all to Christ & you'll see the difference He'll make

God Bless~

p/s: I/S guys are supposedly nice people. Anyone wanna date me? Nahhhh~! Heheheh