"I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me" John 15:5
My spiritual life has been off target in recent weeks with a surge in activity every few days, whereby a toll of Dota, sleeping and just lazing around the apartment has replaced quiet time spent with God. And it's does surprise you when you suddenly feel dry/lost/spent when you do a quick check on yourself.
This particular verse has been real for me for the last few weeks. It all started when I met Pastor Jacs for a drink and she mentioned this as something I could meditate on for the next few weeks, and indeed, everything I've done seems to be pointing towards the direction of holding on to God, letting God take control and letting my burdens, worries and problems to God. And no, they're not about getting rich, hitched or somethings like that just in case you were wondering.
You know, it amazes me how refreshing church can be, despite the physical tiredness of it all. And why couldn't every other day be as refreshing as Sunday, unless there's something about Sunday, or do people really get all cordial and nice in the church sanctuary because it's church? I doubt it. It has to be the fact we're willing to consecrate ourselves for Sunday mornings, sometimes praying/reading the bible for the first time in the week, as compared to normal days where we prefer to sit on the couch and feast on our potato chips.
But from experience, God ultimately doesn't dissapoint, especially if we cast our cares unto Him. And who said being a Christ follower means that your life's all rosy ? I could live my life as I like, playing church on Sundays, perhaps getting drunk, clubbing and watching some porn as entertainment, but would it be all worthwhile? Or I could worry about getting someone. Mom has been dropping large hints about me being single at my prime, but nah, there's more to life than just trying to get hitched.
Though I no longer believe that God automatically answers all your prayers like some Santa Claus, I do,however, believe that God's in control at all times, and there are reasons why somethings happen, even when we mess things up.
I guess at times my fear is about not doing the right thing, but yet, if you don't hold on hard to God, like a branch to the vine, how then could I be used by God? Hmm, will blog more later.
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I've had some comments that I've been blogging too much about 'emo' stuffs, while a few others mentioned my attempts at humor ain't going too well with them. If I do listen to everyone, perhaps I shouldn't blog then, or perhaps I should just blog everything in my private blog instead. Unlike other blogs, the main reason I write, is to reach out to others, and being a Christian doesn't automatically mean your life's all nice. And in some sense, it takes time for hurts to heal, and by being vulnerable, the worst a person could get is to be shot at for posting his/her thoughts.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Friday, July 22, 2005
An understanding of friendships
I guess one thing I've learned is that a friendship is indeed a beautiful thing and not all friendships grow the same way. Many years back, at the National Conference camp in Peacehaven, we were thought that most friendships we've go through at least a stormy weather before we finally pull through. And sadly, not all friendships will survive this period of storm as sometimes people tend to hit out in anger or hide away for the fear of getting hurt. But what indeed is a friendship?
I guess I wouldn't know much myself. Just got back from a jog with Wai Choong and Charis and well, they're people I would label as I'm going through a storm with and would rather stay away from, but coming back, I find that it ain't so. It was indeed a great time sitting on the edge of the library and just chilling. Hmm, guess I've never done that often.
Was taking a shower just now when it hit me that when someone avoids eye contact, it doesn't mean that they're upset/dissapointed or whatever. Being a S/I myself out of the DISC structure, I tend to rather keep away then risk the chance of being told I'm not wanted there.
So, what about it? I do believe that there are a few types of uncomfortableness. The most obvious is when someone hates you for who you are/what you've done. And then, there are those who dislike you, those who aren't too comfortable with you and avoids you and finally, those who aren't too comfortable with you but are willing to give you a chance to get to know them.
Perhaps before this I was really screwed up in a sense I couldn't differentiate between these. Maybe I've been too badly burnt before that I tend to avoid those that are willing to give me a chance because I reckoned that I would be hurt too someday, sometime and isn't it better to keep away even when they ask you to go out with them?
And at times, yea, a heightened sensitivity would do me good, though if the mistake is already done, and you friend hates/dislikes you and you've done your best to say sorry, I guess it's time to move on instead of torturing yourself with the past (after all, what's done is the past, ain't it?)
There will be people who don't like you, people whom you won't be as close as you like to, and some who will reciprocate the friendship. And what I learned is to never expect anything in return, thus, you don't set a level for your friends to perform. Sometimes, they just need to feel more comfortable before they open up.
I made a mistake once in that I kept to myself and my games/manga for more than a year, because I was hurt and didn't want to get hurt anymore. But yet, being a sanguine, it was pretty hard. Try interacting with others while you guys are rushing the enemy base in CS or while you are being owned in DOTA, silly ain't it?
Finally, I would like to thank those that have been by me all these while though I kept pondering about my value, about whether I fitted in and even when I tried a bit too hard. Thanks. Life is all about shared experiences with friends, ain't it?
God Bless
I guess I wouldn't know much myself. Just got back from a jog with Wai Choong and Charis and well, they're people I would label as I'm going through a storm with and would rather stay away from, but coming back, I find that it ain't so. It was indeed a great time sitting on the edge of the library and just chilling. Hmm, guess I've never done that often.
Was taking a shower just now when it hit me that when someone avoids eye contact, it doesn't mean that they're upset/dissapointed or whatever. Being a S/I myself out of the DISC structure, I tend to rather keep away then risk the chance of being told I'm not wanted there.
So, what about it? I do believe that there are a few types of uncomfortableness. The most obvious is when someone hates you for who you are/what you've done. And then, there are those who dislike you, those who aren't too comfortable with you and avoids you and finally, those who aren't too comfortable with you but are willing to give you a chance to get to know them.
Perhaps before this I was really screwed up in a sense I couldn't differentiate between these. Maybe I've been too badly burnt before that I tend to avoid those that are willing to give me a chance because I reckoned that I would be hurt too someday, sometime and isn't it better to keep away even when they ask you to go out with them?
And at times, yea, a heightened sensitivity would do me good, though if the mistake is already done, and you friend hates/dislikes you and you've done your best to say sorry, I guess it's time to move on instead of torturing yourself with the past (after all, what's done is the past, ain't it?)
There will be people who don't like you, people whom you won't be as close as you like to, and some who will reciprocate the friendship. And what I learned is to never expect anything in return, thus, you don't set a level for your friends to perform. Sometimes, they just need to feel more comfortable before they open up.
I made a mistake once in that I kept to myself and my games/manga for more than a year, because I was hurt and didn't want to get hurt anymore. But yet, being a sanguine, it was pretty hard. Try interacting with others while you guys are rushing the enemy base in CS or while you are being owned in DOTA, silly ain't it?
Finally, I would like to thank those that have been by me all these while though I kept pondering about my value, about whether I fitted in and even when I tried a bit too hard. Thanks. Life is all about shared experiences with friends, ain't it?
God Bless
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
5 important lessons
Got this from laineylashes, pretty good read (sorry lainey for the cut and paste!)
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five important lessons..
..to make you think about the way you treat people.
1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. “Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello“. I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2 - Second Important Lesson - Pick up in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a giant console colored TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached..
‘Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband’s bedside just before he passed away… God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.’
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole
3 - Third Important Lesson - Always Remember Those Who Serve
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. “How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked. “Fifty cents,” replied the waitress. The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. “Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. “Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.. You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The Obstacle in Our Path
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts..
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes I’ll do it if it will save her.” As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?“. Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
& most importantly, “work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, & dance like you do when nobody’s watching.”
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five important lessons..
..to make you think about the way you treat people.
1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. “Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello“. I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2 - Second Important Lesson - Pick up in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a giant console colored TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached..
‘Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband’s bedside just before he passed away… God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.’
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole
3 - Third Important Lesson - Always Remember Those Who Serve
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. “How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked. “Fifty cents,” replied the waitress. The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. “Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. “Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.. You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The Obstacle in Our Path
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts..
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes I’ll do it if it will save her.” As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?“. Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
& most importantly, “work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, & dance like you do when nobody’s watching.”
I speak mandarin!
It's never easy to pick up a new language when you're older, especially not when you're in your mid twenties with those white hair waiting to sprout out. I've been attending mandarin classes over the last few weeks, as I'm kinda free actually and I figured that learning a new language wouldn't really hurt, would it? (yea, for all you know, I might just meet a mandarin speaking chick on one of my mission trips to China, heh)
Though, considering it again, mandarin's good when it comes to getting books. Books like Harry Potter go for a fraction of the price in mandarin. Most comics do get translated to mandarin first too (yay to comic books! At least they let us live out the superhero fantasy in us, hee), and yea, mandarin newspapers are always more informative compared to most local english ones (well, the Star's fine, but..)
Homework's tough though, with tough words to remember and all those funny pronounciation styles. Try saying, 'Wei she mo' correctly and you'll figure that the Malaysian way of speaking mandarin is essentially very Kampung like compared to proper mandarin. Though, the sad thing about living in Malaysia is that if you do try speaking proper mandarin, people might think you're a freak, *sigh*
The good thing about getting occupied? I guess I just don't spend so much thinking power thinking about unnescessary stuff like porn, heh (and no, I stay clear from them, though they say a typical male mind would think of sex every 37 seconds or so, hmm..)
Now, how do I find a Taiwanese wife? Blah! (and no again, ain't not desperate, just putting dumb remarks here and there)
Though, considering it again, mandarin's good when it comes to getting books. Books like Harry Potter go for a fraction of the price in mandarin. Most comics do get translated to mandarin first too (yay to comic books! At least they let us live out the superhero fantasy in us, hee), and yea, mandarin newspapers are always more informative compared to most local english ones (well, the Star's fine, but..)
Homework's tough though, with tough words to remember and all those funny pronounciation styles. Try saying, 'Wei she mo' correctly and you'll figure that the Malaysian way of speaking mandarin is essentially very Kampung like compared to proper mandarin. Though, the sad thing about living in Malaysia is that if you do try speaking proper mandarin, people might think you're a freak, *sigh*
The good thing about getting occupied? I guess I just don't spend so much thinking power thinking about unnescessary stuff like porn, heh (and no, I stay clear from them, though they say a typical male mind would think of sex every 37 seconds or so, hmm..)
Now, how do I find a Taiwanese wife? Blah! (and no again, ain't not desperate, just putting dumb remarks here and there)
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Considering others
Since the previous post, I've been keeping away from blogging and the blogging world. I wondered what would people think about me after knowing I got into a car accident out of rashness/stupidity. And yea, I felt bad about it.
If there was one thing I could learn, it was to be more considerate when doing things. Somehow, my current way of doing unto others as I would like them to do unto me is a little screwed up, as I don't actually mind a lot of stuff. The opposite holds true for others though.
It's hard to point fingers at where I went wrong growing up. Mom and Dad just weren't around till 9-10 pm daily, leaving us with some money to do whatever's needed. So well, if I felt hungry, I went over to the nearby restaurant to grab a meal, and most of the time I was either
a) In school, playing badminton or volleyball
b) In the library, reading novels and all
c) In my friend's house playing some games
And yea, I would only consider if someone told me I was doing wrong.
It was hard too, as my dad developed in us a siege mentality, where it's either us or them. And getting pushed around in school did not help alter much of that perception. I just numbed myself to what others thought and just did what I thought was right. It would really kill you to bother when half the class thinks you're a nerd when they don't even know you, right?
I went through the toughest time of my life back in Melaka, when living with others meant I had to change the way I was in most circumstances, and yea, I guess this is another patch I've to learn from.
It's really not easy when you think you've done your best in terms of devotion time and considering others, just to find out that you still fall short with mistakes. I did really feel like alienating myself from the entire comunity here as perhaps I ain't good enough. But yet, would that be the best solution?
I wonder. Help me here will ya?
If there was one thing I could learn, it was to be more considerate when doing things. Somehow, my current way of doing unto others as I would like them to do unto me is a little screwed up, as I don't actually mind a lot of stuff. The opposite holds true for others though.
It's hard to point fingers at where I went wrong growing up. Mom and Dad just weren't around till 9-10 pm daily, leaving us with some money to do whatever's needed. So well, if I felt hungry, I went over to the nearby restaurant to grab a meal, and most of the time I was either
a) In school, playing badminton or volleyball
b) In the library, reading novels and all
c) In my friend's house playing some games
And yea, I would only consider if someone told me I was doing wrong.
It was hard too, as my dad developed in us a siege mentality, where it's either us or them. And getting pushed around in school did not help alter much of that perception. I just numbed myself to what others thought and just did what I thought was right. It would really kill you to bother when half the class thinks you're a nerd when they don't even know you, right?
I went through the toughest time of my life back in Melaka, when living with others meant I had to change the way I was in most circumstances, and yea, I guess this is another patch I've to learn from.
It's really not easy when you think you've done your best in terms of devotion time and considering others, just to find out that you still fall short with mistakes. I did really feel like alienating myself from the entire comunity here as perhaps I ain't good enough. But yet, would that be the best solution?
I wonder. Help me here will ya?
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Rationalising things
Got into an accident on Monday around the Lim Kok Wing curve. And if there was anything about it, it was all stupidity, with me speeding around 100 km/h on an already rainy day. As the car lost control and spun voraciously, thoughts of the consequences, the dumbness and the impulsiveness would cost me. Even if I had survived, what if any of my passengers died or got into a coma for good? I shudder thinking about it all.
Was at CCF's meeting today when the speaker spoke about REBT, which stood for Rational Emotive Belief Theraphy, as a method of encountering stress. And as I sat and listened, it seemed directed to me, as a direction to head and improve myself on.
As you know, I've always been blogging about my inability to not get through to people, but what if I was unconsciously trying to prove my theory right, where some of those who get close enough to me would get hurt due to my suspicion of their motives? And in a way, Charis has always been trying to help me, but I've always doubted her sincerity as there was a period of time she seemed phobic whenever people made a ruckus about me being interested in her (and I hardly even knew her then! I just thought she was cute *sigh* those idiots)
After the accident, I took a long hard look at my beliefs and found that back then I did doubt the people who were out to help me, people like Wooi Keat, Edmund, Yew Weng, as I misinterpreted their actions as pity. 'Stay clear away from me', was the signal I was prone to send out.
Even harder to take Wooi Keat. Though we had our arguments, I guess she really did try to help me back then, only to find me replaying past events and staying away due to those and some teasing from the guys. And I was making the same mistake with Charis too.
I don't know if recent events would prove to change me for good. At times I'm so screwed up I wonder if God would still use me. But yet, I thank God for the people who had been there for me, even though in my misinterpretation, I tended to push them away or try to interpret their actions as against me. Life isn't about trying to prove the world's out to get you, if you do, you'll only see those actions that would confirm your beliefs.
Till later,
God Bless
p/s: Do you guys get doubts too? I wonder
Was at CCF's meeting today when the speaker spoke about REBT, which stood for Rational Emotive Belief Theraphy, as a method of encountering stress. And as I sat and listened, it seemed directed to me, as a direction to head and improve myself on.
As you know, I've always been blogging about my inability to not get through to people, but what if I was unconsciously trying to prove my theory right, where some of those who get close enough to me would get hurt due to my suspicion of their motives? And in a way, Charis has always been trying to help me, but I've always doubted her sincerity as there was a period of time she seemed phobic whenever people made a ruckus about me being interested in her (and I hardly even knew her then! I just thought she was cute *sigh* those idiots)
After the accident, I took a long hard look at my beliefs and found that back then I did doubt the people who were out to help me, people like Wooi Keat, Edmund, Yew Weng, as I misinterpreted their actions as pity. 'Stay clear away from me', was the signal I was prone to send out.
Even harder to take Wooi Keat. Though we had our arguments, I guess she really did try to help me back then, only to find me replaying past events and staying away due to those and some teasing from the guys. And I was making the same mistake with Charis too.
I don't know if recent events would prove to change me for good. At times I'm so screwed up I wonder if God would still use me. But yet, I thank God for the people who had been there for me, even though in my misinterpretation, I tended to push them away or try to interpret their actions as against me. Life isn't about trying to prove the world's out to get you, if you do, you'll only see those actions that would confirm your beliefs.
Till later,
God Bless
p/s: Do you guys get doubts too? I wonder
Monday, July 04, 2005
Oil depletion
As the prices of oil per barrel hit US$60, panic buttons were hit worldwide, including here in Malaysia where most of us went to jam the petrol station in hopes of avoiding the midnight price hike. Well, the rumors of price hike proved to be wrong, but here's something from Gim Han. Check this out.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Random Thoughts
Taking a cue from Sivin Kit, here I post a series of random thoughts that were written spontaneously on a piece of paper I intend to stick up on my room. Boy, by then they won't be so private anymore (yea, I will get some flak for this)
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-What is the purpose of gaining everything if I lose Christ?
-Friends. God, will You provide?
-Have all my friends graduated? :|
-It always takes 2 parts to clap, even in a friendship
-How do I become a better Youth Leader?
-Respect is earn, never given
-The insecure Youth Leader. Man, that sucks..
-No retreat, no regrets, no compromise (but God, I'm an extrovert. Must be a screwed up extrovert here to be in the state I'm in)
-Is it all about the way we carry ourselves, or does God play an active role in our friendships? yea, but it does suck when you don't understand why you aren't getting through to some people :(
-But then, how come I always seem to do better with non CFers/church people? Just don't geddit
-Will I have a better social life if I quit Christianity all together and join one of those Rotaract/Asiaworks/Toastmasters instead? But then, is life just all about getting some friends to joke around with?
-Would this be a
1) Holiday where I eat, sleep and get fat?
2) Game playing semester filled with DOTA and old DOS games like Day of the Tentacle?
3) Friendship finding semester where I bug my few friends until they get tired of me? (and yea, the gals might think I'm interested since I bug them too, haih, gals ~.~)
4) Trying to be a best Christian I could be semester, where I try to follow God and not do what's natural in the flesh? (like getting bored, depressed, etc etc)
-Following God with all your heart doesn't mean God'll provide you with all the friends you wish. There are always seasons for things, perhaps this is the season I consecrate myself?
-The passion is there, but when I follow my heart instead of the promptings of the Holy Spirit, I tend to derail things.
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-What is the purpose of gaining everything if I lose Christ?
-Friends. God, will You provide?
-Have all my friends graduated? :|
-It always takes 2 parts to clap, even in a friendship
-How do I become a better Youth Leader?
-Respect is earn, never given
-The insecure Youth Leader. Man, that sucks..
-No retreat, no regrets, no compromise (but God, I'm an extrovert. Must be a screwed up extrovert here to be in the state I'm in)
-Is it all about the way we carry ourselves, or does God play an active role in our friendships? yea, but it does suck when you don't understand why you aren't getting through to some people :(
-But then, how come I always seem to do better with non CFers/church people? Just don't geddit
-Will I have a better social life if I quit Christianity all together and join one of those Rotaract/Asiaworks/Toastmasters instead? But then, is life just all about getting some friends to joke around with?
-Would this be a
1) Holiday where I eat, sleep and get fat?
2) Game playing semester filled with DOTA and old DOS games like Day of the Tentacle?
3) Friendship finding semester where I bug my few friends until they get tired of me? (and yea, the gals might think I'm interested since I bug them too, haih, gals ~.~)
4) Trying to be a best Christian I could be semester, where I try to follow God and not do what's natural in the flesh? (like getting bored, depressed, etc etc)
-Following God with all your heart doesn't mean God'll provide you with all the friends you wish. There are always seasons for things, perhaps this is the season I consecrate myself?
-The passion is there, but when I follow my heart instead of the promptings of the Holy Spirit, I tend to derail things.
Friday, June 24, 2005
A decent proposal
I've been down with migraine for 3 days straight, coupled with really bad diarrhea and slight fever. Heh, wonder what's next, hmm, blinking ears?
Anyways, here's a good read. Will write something as soon as my health permits :)
--------------------------------------------------
A Decent Proposal
How to take the high road in a low-rise, skin-is-in society
by Dannah Gresh
There's a Hooters restaurant in my town, and I struggle each time I drive by it. Although I can hardly see in, that doesn't matter. It's my thoughts of how the waitresses dress that count. It's proof Satan works feverishly not just to tempt a man's eyes but also to infiltrate and control his imagination.
My husband, Bob, wrote those words. While Bob's a godly man in full-time Christian ministry, he, like most men, can be tempted by sexual images. But he's not afraid to talk about it, and that separates him from many.
The truth is, Christian men struggle deeply with visual temptation and mental sexual sin. Ask more than half of the men who attended a recent Promise Keepers conference and admitted to viewing pornography the week preceding the event. Ask the pastors struggling with online porn who regularly call Focus on the Family's pastoral care line.
Recently the men Bob ministers to have admitted there's a new place where temptation's a problem. "I'm struggling with the way women dress in church," they confess. It's the placement of the temptation that makes them feel so vulnerable. What's a guy to do when the same woman in his Sunday school class keeps coming in wearing a mini-skirt and tight shirt? Not much—except maybe sit in the front row.
Fuel on the Fire
I recently got an interesting e-mail from a young single woman who expressed the crisis many of us face:
"I'm 23 and was raised in a Christian home where modesty was taught. It wasn't until my college years that I began to realize how attractive men found my 4'9", 98-lb. body. Suddenly I had their attention. I work with the youth at my church and my pastor's wife has mentioned to me on several occasions that my skirts are too short or my shirts cut too low. But I always retaliate by saying I'm not going to dress like my grandma, and if a guy can't look at me without thinking of sex, that's his problem."
Been there? Thought that? Me too. Many times the ways I've dressed as a single and as a married woman have flown in the face of a man's attempt to live in holiness before God … and, if he's married, in faithfulness to his wife. How that grieves me as I've become more aware of how fragile men are in this area! Social science reveals a man's sexual response is initiated by his autonomic nervous system (ANS), which isn't controlled by the will, but by the environment. If a man sees a woman walk by wearing revealing clothing, his ANS can be activated. The brain then sends chemicals rushing through his body. He may notice the change in his pulse and his body temperature. While many men override these responses in a godly manner, they can't control their initial intoxicating reaction to an immodestly dressed woman. God intends for a man to enjoy this intoxicating power, but through only one woman—his wife.
Heart of Darkness?
First Corinthians 10:32 says, "Do not cause anyone to stumble." What an uncomfortable challenge when it comes to fashion! But the problem with immodesty isn't just about causing our Christian brothers to stumble; it's also about our craving for the emotional rush we receive when we know we're being noticed. As the root of a man's sexual sin often is linked with the visual, so ours is connected to the emotional.
Immodesty isn't just about causing our Christian brothers to stumble; it's about our craving for the emotional rush we receive when we know we're being noticed.
I still struggle with the temptation to accept the world's standards for fashion, but now I carry with me an awareness of the responsibility I have as a woman created to be intoxicating to one man, Bob. I've not only had to rearrange my wardrobe, but also my heart. Change hasn't come easily for me; even years after I'd thrown away a mass of immodest clothes and was asked to write a book on modesty, I resisted. When I got down to the root of the feeling, I was afraid God might ask me to change my unclean heart. And he did.
While I don't conform to legalistic views about fashion, I do conform to the Holy Spirit's conviction. As I've embraced those promptings, I've discovered a few things that have helped me take the high road in this skin-is-in society.
If you're married, discuss your wardrobe with your husband. If not, try your dad or an older brother. Since I travel nationwide to speak with teen girls about sexual purity, I own some travel-friendly, trendy outfits, including a sheer blouse I used to wear over a black tank top. My husband often challenged me about it, but I resisted him, saying it was "a style everyone else was wearing" and "it never looks sexual to me." But a year ago, I removed it from my wardrobe as an act of obedience to God. Recently I received an e-mail in which a woman lovingly confronted me about that specific outfit she'd seen me previously wearing on national television. Ouch!
While I've been able to come to a better understanding of how a man's mind works, I'm still not a man. My husband's better able to explain why a certain outfit may be inappropriate. So every now and then, I ask him how I'm doing. I've been shocked at times when things I deemed appropriate appeared tempting to my husband. I have a single friend who asks her brother for such advice. A godly man in your life can be a good accountability partner.
Invite a friend over to clean out your closet. If you feel even a twinge of conviction as you read this, I'd encourage you to have a "fashion trashin' party." Invite a girlfriend over and trash anything from your closet that's questionable. Your friend's there for the things you're not sure about. Whatever she says is questionable goes.
Reward yourself with a shopping spree. Once you've rid your closet of those questionable items, grab your girlfriend and go shopping to replace what you've discarded. If you're into trendy stuff, this could be tough (I searched for three months last summer for a trendy little sundress and never found one that wasn't way too "little"). But there are tricks that enable me to wear most of the trendy stuff without compromising. If you absolutely fall in love with a shirt that's too low-cut or too sheer, try a simple T-shirt under it. Buy these together with the promise they'll be worn that way. If you're not sure if a skirt is modest, test it out in the dressing room. Sit in front of the mirror on a chair with your legs crossed. Could you sit like that and not turn beet red if that mirror were your dear old grandfather? If you wear low-rider jeans or pants, compensate by buying longer shirts to wear with them. Not sure if a shirt is too tight? Try this: With the shirt on, use your finger to press the fabric against your chest in the area that's between your breasts. Now, quickly release your finger. If the fabric springs back like a rubber band, it's probably too clingy.
Spend time focusing positively on what your body truly is. If you've accepted Jesus Christ's forgiveness and made him your Lord, God dwells within you: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19, 20). Each time you choose which clothes to wear, you're decorating the temple of the living God.
The apostle Peter advises us on how we should adorn the temple: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment … Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:3, 4). Peter's not dissing the fashions of the day, he's calling women to a higher presentation of modesty, that of an inner confidence to say "no" to the culture.
Sisters, let's develop the inner confidence to say "no" to today's inappropriate fashion—and to adorn the temple of God regally both inside and out.
Dannah Gresh, the author of And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity and Secret Keepers: The Delicate Power of Modesty (both Moody Press), lives with her family in Pennsylvania.
Anyways, here's a good read. Will write something as soon as my health permits :)
--------------------------------------------------
A Decent Proposal
How to take the high road in a low-rise, skin-is-in society
by Dannah Gresh
There's a Hooters restaurant in my town, and I struggle each time I drive by it. Although I can hardly see in, that doesn't matter. It's my thoughts of how the waitresses dress that count. It's proof Satan works feverishly not just to tempt a man's eyes but also to infiltrate and control his imagination.
My husband, Bob, wrote those words. While Bob's a godly man in full-time Christian ministry, he, like most men, can be tempted by sexual images. But he's not afraid to talk about it, and that separates him from many.
The truth is, Christian men struggle deeply with visual temptation and mental sexual sin. Ask more than half of the men who attended a recent Promise Keepers conference and admitted to viewing pornography the week preceding the event. Ask the pastors struggling with online porn who regularly call Focus on the Family's pastoral care line.
Recently the men Bob ministers to have admitted there's a new place where temptation's a problem. "I'm struggling with the way women dress in church," they confess. It's the placement of the temptation that makes them feel so vulnerable. What's a guy to do when the same woman in his Sunday school class keeps coming in wearing a mini-skirt and tight shirt? Not much—except maybe sit in the front row.
Fuel on the Fire
I recently got an interesting e-mail from a young single woman who expressed the crisis many of us face:
"I'm 23 and was raised in a Christian home where modesty was taught. It wasn't until my college years that I began to realize how attractive men found my 4'9", 98-lb. body. Suddenly I had their attention. I work with the youth at my church and my pastor's wife has mentioned to me on several occasions that my skirts are too short or my shirts cut too low. But I always retaliate by saying I'm not going to dress like my grandma, and if a guy can't look at me without thinking of sex, that's his problem."
Been there? Thought that? Me too. Many times the ways I've dressed as a single and as a married woman have flown in the face of a man's attempt to live in holiness before God … and, if he's married, in faithfulness to his wife. How that grieves me as I've become more aware of how fragile men are in this area! Social science reveals a man's sexual response is initiated by his autonomic nervous system (ANS), which isn't controlled by the will, but by the environment. If a man sees a woman walk by wearing revealing clothing, his ANS can be activated. The brain then sends chemicals rushing through his body. He may notice the change in his pulse and his body temperature. While many men override these responses in a godly manner, they can't control their initial intoxicating reaction to an immodestly dressed woman. God intends for a man to enjoy this intoxicating power, but through only one woman—his wife.
Heart of Darkness?
First Corinthians 10:32 says, "Do not cause anyone to stumble." What an uncomfortable challenge when it comes to fashion! But the problem with immodesty isn't just about causing our Christian brothers to stumble; it's also about our craving for the emotional rush we receive when we know we're being noticed. As the root of a man's sexual sin often is linked with the visual, so ours is connected to the emotional.
Immodesty isn't just about causing our Christian brothers to stumble; it's about our craving for the emotional rush we receive when we know we're being noticed.
I still struggle with the temptation to accept the world's standards for fashion, but now I carry with me an awareness of the responsibility I have as a woman created to be intoxicating to one man, Bob. I've not only had to rearrange my wardrobe, but also my heart. Change hasn't come easily for me; even years after I'd thrown away a mass of immodest clothes and was asked to write a book on modesty, I resisted. When I got down to the root of the feeling, I was afraid God might ask me to change my unclean heart. And he did.
While I don't conform to legalistic views about fashion, I do conform to the Holy Spirit's conviction. As I've embraced those promptings, I've discovered a few things that have helped me take the high road in this skin-is-in society.
If you're married, discuss your wardrobe with your husband. If not, try your dad or an older brother. Since I travel nationwide to speak with teen girls about sexual purity, I own some travel-friendly, trendy outfits, including a sheer blouse I used to wear over a black tank top. My husband often challenged me about it, but I resisted him, saying it was "a style everyone else was wearing" and "it never looks sexual to me." But a year ago, I removed it from my wardrobe as an act of obedience to God. Recently I received an e-mail in which a woman lovingly confronted me about that specific outfit she'd seen me previously wearing on national television. Ouch!
While I've been able to come to a better understanding of how a man's mind works, I'm still not a man. My husband's better able to explain why a certain outfit may be inappropriate. So every now and then, I ask him how I'm doing. I've been shocked at times when things I deemed appropriate appeared tempting to my husband. I have a single friend who asks her brother for such advice. A godly man in your life can be a good accountability partner.
Invite a friend over to clean out your closet. If you feel even a twinge of conviction as you read this, I'd encourage you to have a "fashion trashin' party." Invite a girlfriend over and trash anything from your closet that's questionable. Your friend's there for the things you're not sure about. Whatever she says is questionable goes.
Reward yourself with a shopping spree. Once you've rid your closet of those questionable items, grab your girlfriend and go shopping to replace what you've discarded. If you're into trendy stuff, this could be tough (I searched for three months last summer for a trendy little sundress and never found one that wasn't way too "little"). But there are tricks that enable me to wear most of the trendy stuff without compromising. If you absolutely fall in love with a shirt that's too low-cut or too sheer, try a simple T-shirt under it. Buy these together with the promise they'll be worn that way. If you're not sure if a skirt is modest, test it out in the dressing room. Sit in front of the mirror on a chair with your legs crossed. Could you sit like that and not turn beet red if that mirror were your dear old grandfather? If you wear low-rider jeans or pants, compensate by buying longer shirts to wear with them. Not sure if a shirt is too tight? Try this: With the shirt on, use your finger to press the fabric against your chest in the area that's between your breasts. Now, quickly release your finger. If the fabric springs back like a rubber band, it's probably too clingy.
Spend time focusing positively on what your body truly is. If you've accepted Jesus Christ's forgiveness and made him your Lord, God dwells within you: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19, 20). Each time you choose which clothes to wear, you're decorating the temple of the living God.
The apostle Peter advises us on how we should adorn the temple: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment … Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:3, 4). Peter's not dissing the fashions of the day, he's calling women to a higher presentation of modesty, that of an inner confidence to say "no" to the culture.
Sisters, let's develop the inner confidence to say "no" to today's inappropriate fashion—and to adorn the temple of God regally both inside and out.
Dannah Gresh, the author of And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity and Secret Keepers: The Delicate Power of Modesty (both Moody Press), lives with her family in Pennsylvania.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Personality Test
Following the footsteps of Sarah the Tigress, I took a swipe at BBC's personality test to see how accurate it could be. Results? Not too bad, though it predicts I'll never be a successful businessman, heh, gotta give up those dreams already and perhaps save for a retirement plan rearing cows and sheeps in Taiping or something.
Summary of Innovators
* Energetic and creative taking inspiration from everyone they meet
* Enjoy flexible work environments with few rules and many opportunities for fun
* Think of themselves as imaginative, sociable and sympathetic
* May not think logically about their ideas
More about Innovators
Innovators are fun-loving, creative, sensitive people who enjoy developing their ideas by discussing them with others. This group supports the people around them and expects the same in return. Others are drawn to Innovators because of their love of life, caring nature and openness.
Innovators are most likely to say they do their best work when they start at the last minute, according to a UK survey.
Innovators are good at spotting opportunities and recognizing potential in people. Innovators put all their energy into new projects and their enthusiasm motivates others to support their plans.
In situations where they can’t use their talents or are unappreciated, Innovators may become rebellious and unfocused. Under extreme stress, Innovators may become preoccupied with meaningless details.
Innovators may over-extend themselves or put a night out with friends ahead of more pressing commitments.
Innovator Careers
Innovators are drawn to careers that require teaching or counselling, where they can work with and help encourage the development of others.
Summary of Innovators
* Energetic and creative taking inspiration from everyone they meet
* Enjoy flexible work environments with few rules and many opportunities for fun
* Think of themselves as imaginative, sociable and sympathetic
* May not think logically about their ideas
More about Innovators
Innovators are fun-loving, creative, sensitive people who enjoy developing their ideas by discussing them with others. This group supports the people around them and expects the same in return. Others are drawn to Innovators because of their love of life, caring nature and openness.
Innovators are most likely to say they do their best work when they start at the last minute, according to a UK survey.
Innovators are good at spotting opportunities and recognizing potential in people. Innovators put all their energy into new projects and their enthusiasm motivates others to support their plans.
In situations where they can’t use their talents or are unappreciated, Innovators may become rebellious and unfocused. Under extreme stress, Innovators may become preoccupied with meaningless details.
Innovators may over-extend themselves or put a night out with friends ahead of more pressing commitments.
Innovator Careers
Innovators are drawn to careers that require teaching or counselling, where they can work with and help encourage the development of others.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Letting go
Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, "I repent,' you shall forgive him." Luke 17:3-5
I reached a breakthrough today. If you read this boring piece of blog, you'll know that in between those lame attempts of humor, I tend to write pathetically about my past as a therapeutic attempt of getting over it. But there were issues unresolved, some friendships that were broken and never healed, and I couldn't bring myself to forgive myself nor let the past go.
The bible says forgive, but somehow there must be some idiot who pays the price for those hard times. And at my darkest moments, I would wonder if that idiot me or was it the person who said/did those things? It wasn't like I was entirely on the right though. Also, I kept wondering on those mosquito filled nights on how could things been better, feeling that somehow people still hold me back to something I said/did in the past and would still hold grudges even now. How wrong could I be..
Managed to catch up with Wooi Keat somehow in our first decent conversation in 2-3 years (and no, I didn't argue with her the last time round, just that we stayed clear each other's path), which led me to Mel's blog. And looking through the photo-filled blog of old friends and acquaintances, other than those nosebleed causing girls, I began to see that, hey, they've moved on but yet, I didn't.
Forgiveness, it's not just about forgiving others, but forgiving yourself as well. There are things that can never be changed anymore and somehow, this and other events made me believe that when forgiving, it doesn't matter who was right or wrong, nor what had happened, but it's all about being able to move on in life to a greener pasture. Could you forgive?
God Bless!
I reached a breakthrough today. If you read this boring piece of blog, you'll know that in between those lame attempts of humor, I tend to write pathetically about my past as a therapeutic attempt of getting over it. But there were issues unresolved, some friendships that were broken and never healed, and I couldn't bring myself to forgive myself nor let the past go.
The bible says forgive, but somehow there must be some idiot who pays the price for those hard times. And at my darkest moments, I would wonder if that idiot me or was it the person who said/did those things? It wasn't like I was entirely on the right though. Also, I kept wondering on those mosquito filled nights on how could things been better, feeling that somehow people still hold me back to something I said/did in the past and would still hold grudges even now. How wrong could I be..
Managed to catch up with Wooi Keat somehow in our first decent conversation in 2-3 years (and no, I didn't argue with her the last time round, just that we stayed clear each other's path), which led me to Mel's blog. And looking through the photo-filled blog of old friends and acquaintances, other than those nosebleed causing girls, I began to see that, hey, they've moved on but yet, I didn't.
Forgiveness, it's not just about forgiving others, but forgiving yourself as well. There are things that can never be changed anymore and somehow, this and other events made me believe that when forgiving, it doesn't matter who was right or wrong, nor what had happened, but it's all about being able to move on in life to a greener pasture. Could you forgive?
God Bless!
Monday, June 13, 2005
The next 2 years
For those of you who might misunderstand due to the previous post, I'll like to clarify that, no, I'm not out on the hunt for someone. Recent events made me dedicate my next 2 years to God on wherever He leads (which frankly, I'm not too sure just yet, God never gives you long term plans that span 5 years or so, but you'll know it when you get there) Perhaps I'll be investing my time in areas of interest like helping out an orphanage/troubled kids shelter, learning languages, seeing Crossroadz fulfill it's potential and also yea, getting to know more people instead of just subscribing to the few I know. It does make you more rounded as a person, don't you think? (and not rounder as in fatter, blah)
Won't be writing much this week, so do check back on either Saturday or Sunday for more-lah. Thanks and God Bless!
Won't be writing much this week, so do check back on either Saturday or Sunday for more-lah. Thanks and God Bless!
Saturday, June 11, 2005
And so, they dig our ladies
We have it tough on us as single Christian guys. Especially if we're planning to end our days of late night mamaks, burping and belching around in our home without much ado and just generally bumming around to a more subtle life of fatherhood. Just for your take, Christian girls are probably hotter than those Sara Lee cheesecakes in the singlehood market, and well, those are really hot stuff, heh.
Out of curiousity, I did a survey and found most Christian girls had at least a couple of interested guys, majority being non Christians. Heh, guess a rose does attract bees of all shapes and sizes eh? Though, there were guys telling those gals that they're attracted to their innocence and goodness. Makes me wonder why the emphasis on innocence though, hmm. One of them wrote an interesting account about it here too.
What do we do about it? It's a well known fact that the Christian dating circle has been permeated by Joshua Harris' ideas on kissing dating goodbye. What? No more dating? Yea, courtship seems to be the buzz word these days. You still date? Man, you're outdated...
But the process of courtship is often misunderstood and often leaves the Christian single, well, single. Imagine how funny it is to go around with the idea of, 'I can't date them, I need to court' and so while we're busy asking God on how to court them Christian girls, most other guys have already moved in. And then we commit a faux pas by suddenly announcing to them,
'I feel God's telling me to marry you, can I court you?'
And a shock reply from the lady would be, 'What? I hardly know you'
'Yea..but it's God's will you know, the big man up there, the DUDE' and we proceed to make some boom box noises while trying to look cool with some head movements, just like those hip hoppers.
'Erm, yea, but I still hardly know you'
'Ah, it'll work out fine when we get married, honey', and we try to reassure her with our best million dollar smile, while making sure the slice of seaweed we ate earlier doesn't stick on the gaps of our teeth. Pathetic no?
Heh, now imagine one of them girls doing it to us. *Gasp* I might get a heart attack.
And for those of us who've subscribe to the courting theory, we'll most probably go, 'Is she the one?' on every girl that we end up being able to chat to for 5 minutes and beyond, scaring most of them away with our concealed show of desperation. Then of course, most of us can't hold a girl's attention for that long, due to the fact we hardly have any exposure to girls and we fidget around while with those beautiful species of another kind.
All these while the typical non Christian guy charms the girls off their feet with their suaveness and experience with girls, as compared to our stuttering, 'Erm, what's your favorite quiet time passage?' or 'What's your take on Escathology?' when confronted with the fact that we're alone in a cafe with some gorgeous Christian girl. Hmm, no wonder we lose out to them.
Ah, this brings us to a conclusion of this lovely discourse. What do we do about ourselves? Heh, perhaps this article would be of some good to those of us who tried applying Joshua's theory for awhile.
And what about those non Christian guys? I dunno about you, but I might scare them off by telling them that they need to get circumcised into Christianity, heheheh! Though, it's probably not too bad. Perhaps we can do the same with non Christian girls too? (the dating part, not the circumcision. Blahhh :p)
God Bless!
p/s: I did have my reservations on non Christian guys dating Christian girls due to the fact that many started leaving church as their boyfriends weren't too happy with their involvement with God. Though, it could work the other way around too... Best is to not play with fire though :)
Out of curiousity, I did a survey and found most Christian girls had at least a couple of interested guys, majority being non Christians. Heh, guess a rose does attract bees of all shapes and sizes eh? Though, there were guys telling those gals that they're attracted to their innocence and goodness. Makes me wonder why the emphasis on innocence though, hmm. One of them wrote an interesting account about it here too.
What do we do about it? It's a well known fact that the Christian dating circle has been permeated by Joshua Harris' ideas on kissing dating goodbye. What? No more dating? Yea, courtship seems to be the buzz word these days. You still date? Man, you're outdated...
But the process of courtship is often misunderstood and often leaves the Christian single, well, single. Imagine how funny it is to go around with the idea of, 'I can't date them, I need to court' and so while we're busy asking God on how to court them Christian girls, most other guys have already moved in. And then we commit a faux pas by suddenly announcing to them,
'I feel God's telling me to marry you, can I court you?'
And a shock reply from the lady would be, 'What? I hardly know you'
'Yea..but it's God's will you know, the big man up there, the DUDE' and we proceed to make some boom box noises while trying to look cool with some head movements, just like those hip hoppers.
'Erm, yea, but I still hardly know you'
'Ah, it'll work out fine when we get married, honey', and we try to reassure her with our best million dollar smile, while making sure the slice of seaweed we ate earlier doesn't stick on the gaps of our teeth. Pathetic no?
Heh, now imagine one of them girls doing it to us. *Gasp* I might get a heart attack.
And for those of us who've subscribe to the courting theory, we'll most probably go, 'Is she the one?' on every girl that we end up being able to chat to for 5 minutes and beyond, scaring most of them away with our concealed show of desperation. Then of course, most of us can't hold a girl's attention for that long, due to the fact we hardly have any exposure to girls and we fidget around while with those beautiful species of another kind.
All these while the typical non Christian guy charms the girls off their feet with their suaveness and experience with girls, as compared to our stuttering, 'Erm, what's your favorite quiet time passage?' or 'What's your take on Escathology?' when confronted with the fact that we're alone in a cafe with some gorgeous Christian girl. Hmm, no wonder we lose out to them.
Ah, this brings us to a conclusion of this lovely discourse. What do we do about ourselves? Heh, perhaps this article would be of some good to those of us who tried applying Joshua's theory for awhile.
And what about those non Christian guys? I dunno about you, but I might scare them off by telling them that they need to get circumcised into Christianity, heheheh! Though, it's probably not too bad. Perhaps we can do the same with non Christian girls too? (the dating part, not the circumcision. Blahhh :p)
God Bless!
p/s: I did have my reservations on non Christian guys dating Christian girls due to the fact that many started leaving church as their boyfriends weren't too happy with their involvement with God. Though, it could work the other way around too... Best is to not play with fire though :)
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
And they say I'm a funny guy
Was plugging away on an online personality test when my fears were confirmed. It's true! I am ...a funny guy! *gasp* Heheh, you can take it here. Apparently the test is a famous one *scratches stubble on chin*
I always believed I needed a change in environment to be the person I was meant to be. It was hard back in secondary school, where once you've a reputation, it sticks. If you're a jock, you're forever the jock with a steady supply of girls. But if you're down the food chain, you're forever down the food chain, being only worthy of planktons and ameobas.
I grew a lot after school, where college gave me a new lease of life. With my brand new jeans and white tees I could have easily been mistaken as James Dean in my quest to change my image. I had no reputation, making it easy to make friends, hang out and even have my own group of buddies. Heck, most of my hangout buddies were gals, making me feel like the most priviledged guy on earth. Melaka, where I shifted to later, wasn't a gal haven though, but yet by doing the same James Dean swagger, I had no trouble whatsoever with friends. Until I shifted back here..
Its hard having group of friends who calls you out and laughs with you on your lamest attempts on jokes and then losing it. Its even harder when you've left them behind and attempts of making new friends weren't going your way. And its really sad to eat alone in the hostel blocks where people might point out, 'Look at that lonely guy.' I should've told them that I was waiting for my girlfriend, heh. The one that broke me? Going through the disapointment of aghastness shown in my previous church when I proudly proclaimed I was shifting back. Took me longer than the growing of a durian tree to comprehend that.
I guess I broke down and withdrew from the real world, where mine consisted mainly of anime, manga and being the owning Counter Strike overlord between classes and on those lonely nights where you looked upon the stars and wish you could turn back the hands of time. Heck, I even began believing that gals are as cute, innocent and gullible as those you see on anime. How far was I from the truth...
There were a few kind souls in the Christian Fellowship. How could I ever forget Nick's sacrifice so that I could have a good night sleep in Kevin Koay's house instead of him? There was Boon Han with his enthusiastic 'Yo Leo, let's go!' and not to forget John, Jason and Edmund, my regular makan kakis. If you wanna find someone to eat with, they'll just be a BUZZ away. There were others too, but I won't bore you with such facts.
I would have gone insane if it wasn't for them, especially as some misinformed people kept drumming in the fact that I wasn't good enough and had to be extra loud/noisy/religious in church to gain their friendships. Thinking back, I wondered why I bought into their lame reasons, must have really wanted to make it work eh. Perhaps it was my obvious moles that turned them off in the 1st place? Hmm.
It was tough leaving church, but it would have been even harder to be an ageing dinosaur that's rejected. I guess I've changed for the better, though nightmares about the past still do haunt me. Gotta keep improving and making full use of every opportunity given, life's too short to waste. At least nowadays I do have a bunch of friends who laugh with me on my lamest attempts on jokes, heheh, that's what life's all about, ain't it?
And they say I'm a funny guy, heh, amazing!
I always believed I needed a change in environment to be the person I was meant to be. It was hard back in secondary school, where once you've a reputation, it sticks. If you're a jock, you're forever the jock with a steady supply of girls. But if you're down the food chain, you're forever down the food chain, being only worthy of planktons and ameobas.
I grew a lot after school, where college gave me a new lease of life. With my brand new jeans and white tees I could have easily been mistaken as James Dean in my quest to change my image. I had no reputation, making it easy to make friends, hang out and even have my own group of buddies. Heck, most of my hangout buddies were gals, making me feel like the most priviledged guy on earth. Melaka, where I shifted to later, wasn't a gal haven though, but yet by doing the same James Dean swagger, I had no trouble whatsoever with friends. Until I shifted back here..
Its hard having group of friends who calls you out and laughs with you on your lamest attempts on jokes and then losing it. Its even harder when you've left them behind and attempts of making new friends weren't going your way. And its really sad to eat alone in the hostel blocks where people might point out, 'Look at that lonely guy.' I should've told them that I was waiting for my girlfriend, heh. The one that broke me? Going through the disapointment of aghastness shown in my previous church when I proudly proclaimed I was shifting back. Took me longer than the growing of a durian tree to comprehend that.
I guess I broke down and withdrew from the real world, where mine consisted mainly of anime, manga and being the owning Counter Strike overlord between classes and on those lonely nights where you looked upon the stars and wish you could turn back the hands of time. Heck, I even began believing that gals are as cute, innocent and gullible as those you see on anime. How far was I from the truth...
There were a few kind souls in the Christian Fellowship. How could I ever forget Nick's sacrifice so that I could have a good night sleep in Kevin Koay's house instead of him? There was Boon Han with his enthusiastic 'Yo Leo, let's go!' and not to forget John, Jason and Edmund, my regular makan kakis. If you wanna find someone to eat with, they'll just be a BUZZ away. There were others too, but I won't bore you with such facts.
I would have gone insane if it wasn't for them, especially as some misinformed people kept drumming in the fact that I wasn't good enough and had to be extra loud/noisy/religious in church to gain their friendships. Thinking back, I wondered why I bought into their lame reasons, must have really wanted to make it work eh. Perhaps it was my obvious moles that turned them off in the 1st place? Hmm.
It was tough leaving church, but it would have been even harder to be an ageing dinosaur that's rejected. I guess I've changed for the better, though nightmares about the past still do haunt me. Gotta keep improving and making full use of every opportunity given, life's too short to waste. At least nowadays I do have a bunch of friends who laugh with me on my lamest attempts on jokes, heheh, that's what life's all about, ain't it?
And they say I'm a funny guy, heh, amazing!
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Help! I feel like taking my own life..
Suicide.
Nice word isn't it? Suicide holds a certain mystique for us as most of us are uncertain of where we go after we die. And after all, suicide is always the easy way out. Pull that trigger, jump off that ledge or pop those pills and we're on a homerun. More likely on a sad journey home to God.
But why suicide? Psychological research has shown that most people who take their lives have actually an equally high desire to live life out, just that they can't see beyond the horizon. Heh, talk about short sightedness.
Suicidal thoughts. I've been there. Heh, actually they were thoughts of jumping off the ledge my apartment's balcony to glide gloriously in the air for those few seconds before erm, hitting the black gravelly road, all due to some dumb issues. The thing was, erm, I don't wanna be pulp =p (perhaps starring in Pulp Fiction or something similar, but definitely not pulp!) And though those suicidal thoughts only reigned for a short period in my life, but it was still it was..sad hor?
It's always depression, our past or loneliness that leads to suicide. But yet, would pondering and regretting ever change history? And even worse, what a bad way of dying, suicide I mean. Heh, I would rather leave with a bang than having such a pathetic attempt at glory as the last memory of what people would have on me.
I did struggled shortly with my past this morning. It's one of those rare things nowadays, being not as bad as they use to be. Though, the struggles do leave me misty eyed and with a wet pillow. Looking at the bright side, they say ladies find men who cry, erm, sexy? Heheh!
Count your blessings, that was what I felt God telling me. How much joy we can derive comes from our ability to look at things as half full instead of half empty. And no, I didn't mean getting a glass half full with vodka and downing it all in one shot.
Our God is a God of second chances. And not only second chances, but also the 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on. Sometimes we go through some hard patches in life, and we can either see it as God tearing down and building up, or we can get upset and blame God for our oh not-so-fairytale life. But if life was a fairytale, then what's living about? I would rather live a life where I've cried and laughed so hard that they remain poignant memories to cherish.
Life is never about the past, but the present. Go on, smell the flowers, enjoy the slow rain, make friends, and if you find love, fight for it (though don't make a nuisance out of yourself la. Haih, we guys gotta learn that..) And after all these, learn to love, the biblical kind of love I mean, for where there's love, the dark side never wins.
God Bless~!
p/s: Can I win any prize for this article? Heh!
Nice word isn't it? Suicide holds a certain mystique for us as most of us are uncertain of where we go after we die. And after all, suicide is always the easy way out. Pull that trigger, jump off that ledge or pop those pills and we're on a homerun. More likely on a sad journey home to God.
But why suicide? Psychological research has shown that most people who take their lives have actually an equally high desire to live life out, just that they can't see beyond the horizon. Heh, talk about short sightedness.
Suicidal thoughts. I've been there. Heh, actually they were thoughts of jumping off the ledge my apartment's balcony to glide gloriously in the air for those few seconds before erm, hitting the black gravelly road, all due to some dumb issues. The thing was, erm, I don't wanna be pulp =p (perhaps starring in Pulp Fiction or something similar, but definitely not pulp!) And though those suicidal thoughts only reigned for a short period in my life, but it was still it was..sad hor?
It's always depression, our past or loneliness that leads to suicide. But yet, would pondering and regretting ever change history? And even worse, what a bad way of dying, suicide I mean. Heh, I would rather leave with a bang than having such a pathetic attempt at glory as the last memory of what people would have on me.
I did struggled shortly with my past this morning. It's one of those rare things nowadays, being not as bad as they use to be. Though, the struggles do leave me misty eyed and with a wet pillow. Looking at the bright side, they say ladies find men who cry, erm, sexy? Heheh!
Count your blessings, that was what I felt God telling me. How much joy we can derive comes from our ability to look at things as half full instead of half empty. And no, I didn't mean getting a glass half full with vodka and downing it all in one shot.
Our God is a God of second chances. And not only second chances, but also the 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on. Sometimes we go through some hard patches in life, and we can either see it as God tearing down and building up, or we can get upset and blame God for our oh not-so-fairytale life. But if life was a fairytale, then what's living about? I would rather live a life where I've cried and laughed so hard that they remain poignant memories to cherish.
Life is never about the past, but the present. Go on, smell the flowers, enjoy the slow rain, make friends, and if you find love, fight for it (though don't make a nuisance out of yourself la. Haih, we guys gotta learn that..) And after all these, learn to love, the biblical kind of love I mean, for where there's love, the dark side never wins.
God Bless~!
p/s: Can I win any prize for this article? Heh!
Friday, June 03, 2005
Hail the Chef!
Ah! I've finally found it! (or sorta stumbled upon it, heheh) And nope, in case you were hoping for me to say, 'the golden monkey with two tails and thick bushy eyebrows', I guess I'll have to dissapoint you there for awhile. But it's no less of a treasure indeed, the secret cookbooks that makes or breaks a chef (and even more so, the stomachs of those unpaid food tasters that willingly come on the premise of good food. If the cooking screws up, they'll have to go back hungry, or even worse, diarrheoa! Heheheheh!)are always a thing to be coveted for. And heh, I stumbled upon it!
And no, there wasn't any thunder and lightning, lest one strikes me and leave me looking like some Einstein wannabe, but at least finding this site will help me save money on getting on of those expensive Malaysian cookbooks from MPH, or even worse, one of those Chinese cookbooks that teaches how to cook Shanghainese! *Gasp* I seriously doubt that we Malaysian Chinese dig Shanghainese stuff though, considering we prefer eating all those 'lar-char' food compared to Shanghainese food which is refined. Hmm..
Now, how do I get about doing a Braised Pork Rib Moo Shei style without burning the kitchen down? Hmm, any willing teachers? Bribes do include praising you on this blog and perhaps erm, dinner somewhere? Unless of course you don't mind catching Madagascar with the bunch of us this weekend or so..=p
p/s: Oh yea! If you happen to know any good recipe sites, please do add them in the comments! :) Thanks!
And no, there wasn't any thunder and lightning, lest one strikes me and leave me looking like some Einstein wannabe, but at least finding this site will help me save money on getting on of those expensive Malaysian cookbooks from MPH, or even worse, one of those Chinese cookbooks that teaches how to cook Shanghainese! *Gasp* I seriously doubt that we Malaysian Chinese dig Shanghainese stuff though, considering we prefer eating all those 'lar-char' food compared to Shanghainese food which is refined. Hmm..
Now, how do I get about doing a Braised Pork Rib Moo Shei style without burning the kitchen down? Hmm, any willing teachers? Bribes do include praising you on this blog and perhaps erm, dinner somewhere? Unless of course you don't mind catching Madagascar with the bunch of us this weekend or so..=p
p/s: Oh yea! If you happen to know any good recipe sites, please do add them in the comments! :) Thanks!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Of being a 'real' Liverpool fan
I've done it.
In a bid to officialize my status as a budding Liverpool fan, I went and got myself some serious Liverpool merchandise. Heheh, so..what is it? It's an official Liverpool top, not a jersey though (though jerseys were selling cheaper at Midvalley) as there were only L, XL and XXL size jerseys left. Must have been the victory at the Champions League Finals. Those people that jumped wagon to the winning teams, blah~
On the other hand, have you Rooibos-ed? Heheh, it's not a name for some new kinda pill, but it's a lemon-honey drink, average if you ask me. But then, it's at least much more drinkable than coke that makes you stare in horror when you look at your reflection in the mirror the next day. (ooh, checked rooibos online, it's apparently some health drink. Hmm..)
Imagine walking to the mirror the next morn you wake up after binging yourself with Coke.
'Gasp! I've got a beer belly! Aiks! It's a Coke belly!'
And if you're married, I guess your missus won't be too proud of you. Perhaps she'll tell you, 'Hold it buster, no kisses, hugs or anything else til you've worked off that belly of yours!'
Heh, that would be really cruel. I might cry to gain her sympathy though, always worked with gals, hehehe..(though some women would prefer rounded guys..hmm, ladies?)
------------------------------------------
In the other hand, been going through some quarter life issues (or midlife crisis as Pei Tze puts it. Not THAT old yet you know). And no, those issues aren't bad enough to make me wanna pluck my eyebrows or shave my legs as some kind of sick punishment (erm, don't do those things on normal occasions either), but at times, it does make me ponder.
Found SixthSeal by blog hopping. Mind boggling really, what this guy does. Is it a good thing? Nah. I would burn your hair till you get bald if you even think of trying a puff or a jab for the sake of it. Read his post on how hard it is to get off a meth addiction.
Been thinking about the factor of how our Christian lives are lived according to how much we've examined our faith. As asians, there are always traditional values and Christian theology to consider. What is Christian then? Though we know that porn is sin, how about smoking, drinking or getting high on drugs? Heck, there are people trying to justify masturbation as a wholly harmless recreational thing, even among the Christian circle! *gasp!* I shudder thinking about how the world might be in 20 years time.
On a lighter side, I was at a shopping complex when a mom pointed out to her son a g-string in the lingerie section,proclaimed, 'Look at this son, evil!' and promptly walked off with the boy, while the boy was still in a daze of seeing such an 'underwear' for the 1st time. Made me wonder why women still wear them when one proclaimed to her son it's evil. Hmm..it's not a sin, right? Hahaha.. (man, I'm so suakoo ler, haha. I guess I need some education myself too, blah~!)
Ok then, till next time, comments appreciated! :)
God Bless~!
In a bid to officialize my status as a budding Liverpool fan, I went and got myself some serious Liverpool merchandise. Heheh, so..what is it? It's an official Liverpool top, not a jersey though (though jerseys were selling cheaper at Midvalley) as there were only L, XL and XXL size jerseys left. Must have been the victory at the Champions League Finals. Those people that jumped wagon to the winning teams, blah~
On the other hand, have you Rooibos-ed? Heheh, it's not a name for some new kinda pill, but it's a lemon-honey drink, average if you ask me. But then, it's at least much more drinkable than coke that makes you stare in horror when you look at your reflection in the mirror the next day. (ooh, checked rooibos online, it's apparently some health drink. Hmm..)
Imagine walking to the mirror the next morn you wake up after binging yourself with Coke.
'Gasp! I've got a beer belly! Aiks! It's a Coke belly!'
And if you're married, I guess your missus won't be too proud of you. Perhaps she'll tell you, 'Hold it buster, no kisses, hugs or anything else til you've worked off that belly of yours!'
Heh, that would be really cruel. I might cry to gain her sympathy though, always worked with gals, hehehe..(though some women would prefer rounded guys..hmm, ladies?)
------------------------------------------
In the other hand, been going through some quarter life issues (or midlife crisis as Pei Tze puts it. Not THAT old yet you know). And no, those issues aren't bad enough to make me wanna pluck my eyebrows or shave my legs as some kind of sick punishment (erm, don't do those things on normal occasions either), but at times, it does make me ponder.
Found SixthSeal by blog hopping. Mind boggling really, what this guy does. Is it a good thing? Nah. I would burn your hair till you get bald if you even think of trying a puff or a jab for the sake of it. Read his post on how hard it is to get off a meth addiction.
Been thinking about the factor of how our Christian lives are lived according to how much we've examined our faith. As asians, there are always traditional values and Christian theology to consider. What is Christian then? Though we know that porn is sin, how about smoking, drinking or getting high on drugs? Heck, there are people trying to justify masturbation as a wholly harmless recreational thing, even among the Christian circle! *gasp!* I shudder thinking about how the world might be in 20 years time.
On a lighter side, I was at a shopping complex when a mom pointed out to her son a g-string in the lingerie section,proclaimed, 'Look at this son, evil!' and promptly walked off with the boy, while the boy was still in a daze of seeing such an 'underwear' for the 1st time. Made me wonder why women still wear them when one proclaimed to her son it's evil. Hmm..it's not a sin, right? Hahaha.. (man, I'm so suakoo ler, haha. I guess I need some education myself too, blah~!)
Ok then, till next time, comments appreciated! :)
God Bless~!
Monday, May 30, 2005
Long term goals
Recent events has got me planning for the long term future. Bumping into a childhood friend, who was holding her 11 month old baby, made me realise, 'Hey, I'm not that young anymore, can't waste too much time on unnescessary things' And it's true, while games and the telly might bring about some satisfaction, too much isn't productive and after all, what do we achieve from finishing a game or reaching the season's finale? And well, while I wouldn't completely switch off the TV, it has become more of a stress buster.
Among the things I was considering was whether to work on contract basis as a technician/tech support/sales support for these 4-5 months to gain working experience (have a few job offers here and therela) But reevaluating, I don't need the cash, and will it really help in the long term future? I've got some plans I want to put in place and it might actually serve me better by preparing these few months and looking at things at all possible angles.
God tells us that without a vision, we perish, and I believe it's applicable to our everyday life as well. Our vision/goal doesn't nescessary have to hinge on whether God tells us then only we do. In that sense I mean, perhaps God gave us some plans in 10-20 years time, but what do we do in the mean time? Do we sit and let life pass us by? Or do we try to be at our productive best?
And no, I'm not advocating just doing anything that suits our whims and fancy, but sometimes we're taught to have this 'Christian' mentality that God'll take care of everything, so we don't have to plan for much. But this sometimes causes us to be irresponsible to our lives. 'God'll provide' is what they say, but when you don't bother about how you run your life, how will God provide? Will food, water and money just drop from the sky? (heh, some ppl think God'll provide someone if they just sit around at home everyday, hmm, wishful thinking. At least they need to quit laming and run their lives, right? blah~) Most likely not, unless God assures you so (like you're running an orphanage or doing ministry and really lacking in funds)
In all our plannings, we need to bring it to the Lord and pray for wisdom. If God tells you it's wrong, then by all means, stop. It's always good to plan, but God might have some other plan for us. Trust in the Lord and not lean on our own understanding, is what the bible says, and perhaps in this context it's right (hmm, do correct me if I'm wrong)
What scares me is standing at the throne of grace and having God asking me about my talents, whether have I used my time, talents and gifts wisely and efficiently, or have I just wasted them all away on unnescessary things? Though I'm not obsessed with money, it's never wrong to work hard and being successful as long as you're willing to let it all go when then time comes. Isn't it a much better solution than just living a life of mediocrity?
Well, guess that's my thoughts for this week. How can we make our lives more effective, as Christians in the world? Feedback's much appreciated :)
God Bless~!
Among the things I was considering was whether to work on contract basis as a technician/tech support/sales support for these 4-5 months to gain working experience (have a few job offers here and therela) But reevaluating, I don't need the cash, and will it really help in the long term future? I've got some plans I want to put in place and it might actually serve me better by preparing these few months and looking at things at all possible angles.
God tells us that without a vision, we perish, and I believe it's applicable to our everyday life as well. Our vision/goal doesn't nescessary have to hinge on whether God tells us then only we do. In that sense I mean, perhaps God gave us some plans in 10-20 years time, but what do we do in the mean time? Do we sit and let life pass us by? Or do we try to be at our productive best?
And no, I'm not advocating just doing anything that suits our whims and fancy, but sometimes we're taught to have this 'Christian' mentality that God'll take care of everything, so we don't have to plan for much. But this sometimes causes us to be irresponsible to our lives. 'God'll provide' is what they say, but when you don't bother about how you run your life, how will God provide? Will food, water and money just drop from the sky? (heh, some ppl think God'll provide someone if they just sit around at home everyday, hmm, wishful thinking. At least they need to quit laming and run their lives, right? blah~) Most likely not, unless God assures you so (like you're running an orphanage or doing ministry and really lacking in funds)
In all our plannings, we need to bring it to the Lord and pray for wisdom. If God tells you it's wrong, then by all means, stop. It's always good to plan, but God might have some other plan for us. Trust in the Lord and not lean on our own understanding, is what the bible says, and perhaps in this context it's right (hmm, do correct me if I'm wrong)
What scares me is standing at the throne of grace and having God asking me about my talents, whether have I used my time, talents and gifts wisely and efficiently, or have I just wasted them all away on unnescessary things? Though I'm not obsessed with money, it's never wrong to work hard and being successful as long as you're willing to let it all go when then time comes. Isn't it a much better solution than just living a life of mediocrity?
Well, guess that's my thoughts for this week. How can we make our lives more effective, as Christians in the world? Feedback's much appreciated :)
God Bless~!
Friday, May 27, 2005
The Liverpool Champion's League Final Drama
Amazing.
It was a night (or a morn if you considered 2:30am as morning) I cannot forget. Altogether it was a tale of expectation, but yet having our hearts ripped out by the brilliant display of Milan as opposed to our own ineptness. But yet, sometimes funny things do happen, and on Wednesday night, it truly did.
The night started young, as Jeff and the rest got there early. I arrived around 11 pm, early if you considered the game would not start til 2:45am at least. There weren't too many people just yet too, but as you know, Malaysians usually turn out last minute (and irritatingly so, hmmph!)
The Liverpool FC fan club stood just a few tables away. It was the 1st time I've seen them, those official Liverpool supporters, as opposed to me who supports both Liverpool and Tottenham (and am not official either). Wonder what they'll call me, a Tottenpool supporter? Or even worse, a Liverham!? *gasp!* Hahaha..
The night started off nicely for us though, as Jeff and I went up for the live commentating competition. Ha! I suffered a stage fright and mumbled stuffs like,'Erm, what's happening?' and 'Errr...(pretty long pause) Errr...' Basically, I had words in my head, but my mouth just didn't feel like cooperating then, hehe. Guess it's also kinda hard to go next after Jeff (who won the grand prize of a Nokia 7270), and well, my bladder was kinda full and itching to go. Any exertions of 'GOAALLLLL!!' would not only have brought cheers from the crowd, but perhaps some additional liquid from my crotch area too. Wonder what reaction the crowd would give then, hmm.
Anyways, enough of keeping you away from the game.
As the game started, we had a beautiful symphony of horns screaming and blaring in the background. Mine unfortunately, sounded more like a duck's quack than those well worn war horns, sending Jo and Mich into their rapturous giggles. Heh, at least it was free.
The 1st goal came as a bolt out of the blue. We sat stunned into silence as Maldini put Milan ahead at only 58 seconds on the clock. And there, we had those pesky Milan supporters, who came to spoil our party, taunting us. And yes, the horns were dead.
We looked for hope as the match wore on. Initially, Liverpool gave a fightback (as they usually do) with 2 quick attempts on goal, but the more we pushed, the more vulnerable we looked behind. Traore was being turned again and again by Shevchenko, exploited his lack of vision, bringing angry 4 letter curses from the crowd. And as the game wore on, we could see dat Liverpool was threading a dangerous line.
And on the 39th minute came the 2nd goal. We had been threading too thin for too long and were being punished. Two nil to other teams might be a challenge, but being two goals down to Milan was like climbing Everest, just add molten lava coming down too. As I took a walk to the loo for a change in sight, we suddenly conceeded the 3rd! My goodness! Somehow, in the back recesses of my mind, I wondered if me leaving the table then might have influenced the outcome then. Call it karma (though we Christians don't exactly believe in dat, rite? heheh)
We sat sullenly at the table during the half time break with those Milan fans in a particularly good mood at our 'bashing'. Was there hope? Thinking back, I wondered if some of those Milan supporters were actually Arsenal, Man U or Chelski fans in disguise. You'll never know what jealousy can make a football fan do.
Amazingly, there were people placing bets dat Liverpool would win then. Those lucky buggers. Each bet gave you an odds of a hundred times over! But perhaps, at halftime there was nothing else to lose except pride, and those buggers were proud of Liverpool, even when we were 3 nil down.
The second half started strongly enough. Hamann came on for Finnan, and voila, we had our confidence back on, and it reflected on the pitch. The erratic Liverpool dat punted ineffective long balls into the opposition half (mostly Traore's fault) was replaced by one that played with confidence and controlled possesion. Suddenly, it was Milan dat was chasing the game and the ball.
Our goal came soon enough. Expected or unexpected, it didn't matter. It was a fightback and we screamed our lungs out in ecstacy. 'Come on, two more!' were the cries of the crowd as the horns started blaring again.
And then came the 2nd! We stood on our feet as we sang 'You'll never walk alone' after all the hugs and screams. Liverpool had given us hope, but would Liverpool deliver? Many of us waited with held breaths.
The equalizer finally came in the 61st minute. Even before the penalty was taken, we were high fiving each other. The crowd roared ecstatically, not knowing dat the ball had to still go in before we were considered having equalised. I closed my eyes and ears, worried to be dissapointed. Surely it had to go in, and surely it....it did! I casted a glance at those Milan fans who could only give me a sheepish look. 3 goals down at halftime and Liverpool had made an amazing fightback! Can our wait be over?
I would not go into detail about minute by minute after that, if you're interested, go check out the official Liverpool site or Soccernet.com.
We plodded, fought and hoped. Some prayed to their Gods as the match wore on. Liverpool looked tired from their exertions. Could we fall to some cruel fate after fighting back from 3 nil down? I found dat thought hard to swallow, but it might just had happen if otherwise.
The end of normal time was signalled. We've survived, but how much more? I refused to hope for hoping would mean dissapointment if we blew it. But as usual, Jeff was in his optimistic mood. 'We'll win it!' he said. One of the guys at the table had bet to strip down to his underwear if we won it at normal time. Boy, he must have been a really relieved person though, heheh.
Back at half time, I would have given anything (well, erm, not actually, haha) to see Liverpool at least lose respectably instead of a 5 nil hammering, and now..we were on the verge of greatness, of a tale we can tell our grandchildren as scouses. I hoped beyond hope.
The extra time was a bit or a nerve wrecker as Serginho kept surging down Milan's left wing. Anytime his crosses make it through Gerrard and we're goners. Carragher and a few others had cramps too. Can we make it to the penalties? You'll never walk alone was heard in the background as the latecomers (and hence, standing fans) locked arms and sang (well, hehe, perhaps not everyone though)
And then came the penalties, or better known as the lottery tickets. I kept a cup nearby just in case anyone needed it, due to accidentally pissing out of the match tension. Dudek went on to make a clown out of himself, but in the process, unnerved those Milan players and became a Liverpool legend. 1 nil Liverpool, 2 nil Liverpool! All due to Dudek's brilliance. We were on the edge of our seats now. Some were already celebrating, dancing around with their shirts off as some sort of helicopter propeller, showing their huge swarths of armpit hair, not knowing that we still could lose. But yet, thinking back, wouldn't it look even funnier if all they had were bald armpits like what you can see in the olympics, no?
It became 2-1 and stayed 2-1. Riise's shot was saved. Could it be the beautiful journey's over? Kaka took the next and blasted it in, 2-2! Smicer followed suit, 3-2! And then came Shevchenko. The blond was the European player of the year (and what you know, they call the ladies, dumb blondes. Wonder if it applies to the guys as well, heh) and he was next. Miss and we would win. Could we?
I did not see the save the 1st time around as I had my head buried in my hands. But when screams of ecstacy was heard (and more so since Mich had an absolute blaster of a voice), I knew we've won it! The Holy Grail of club football. Nevermind Arsenal or Chelski for all their dominance, they've not won it yet. And Man U? Heh, dat was ages ago. We're the champions now and rightfully so. Hopefully we don't have any of those Arsenal, Man U or Chelski fans converting soon, heheh..
And as the giant screen showed the Liverpool players running out of the pits to hug our heroes, some of us just stood there in silence, stunned and still disbelieving what we've seen. Others took of their shirts off and danced around, fatty tissue not an issue here. Everyone was exhilirated, no point being shy here. Oh ya, as for us, we went around hugging each other with bear hugs dat could crush pesky kittens and high fives with the intensity of those when you want to crush birthday cakes on birthday boys. And soon we all began singing the Liverpool anthem 'You'll never walk alone', over and over again.
Thinking back, unlike half time where I fought so hard to keep my tears in, this time I tried to cry, but it just did not come out. Perhaps I was too happy to cry. When will we win it again? I dunno, but for now, we are the champions and we shall celebrate! Heck, even my non Liverpool friends were so amazed by the match. Amazing. Do I have to explain why again? :p
p/s: photos to be up tomorrow! Check back then!
update (29/5/05) : Check out this Liverpool fan's prank! Hehe, good one dat
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
The Controversial post
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2
I've been downloading movies through bittorrent in the last few months. Not just movies, but other stuff like music, books and even language books. Of all these, it bothers my conscience when the first few of my movies had elements of sex and nudity in it.'It's nothing', I tell myself. After all, I wasn't some sex obssessed maniac who scoured the internet in the wee hours of the morning looking for some *ehem* porn (ha! surprised?) Heck, I don't even own a single portion of porn myself.
But you see, I've burned most of those movies on cd-rs, without even checking for their contents. And that makes it harder to throw them away. After all, why waste a perfectly good movie? And, trying to justify myself, I reasoned that most good movies have these elements in play nowadays, compared to movies of yesteryear. Heck, I didn't know that Dark City, Love Actually or Highlander 3 had all these. They're not movies with smut written all over the cover, not at the first glance anyway. And thus, what's wrong?
What's wrong? At times, I do feel I'm losing God, straying away and turning from salt into something obscure, not worth even for seasoning after watching these movies. After all, Hollywood has never been kind to the Christian cause. Have I lost my holiness in place of some good movies? And didn't God create sex to be something intimate between a husband and wife?
The worst thing is, I find myself changed after watching these movies. Women become objects instead of friends to play and joke around with. And I find, instead of being the crazy original me, I put on a mask.
It's amazing to find out the meaning of sin. Sin in it's original form means missing the mark, like an archer aiming for bullseye and missing it. And at times I wonder, am I the only person who feels this way about movies nowadays? Or do the majority out there actually says, 'It's okay, it's alright' Hmm, I wonder..
And yea, this brings me to the highly forbidden 'm' word. Ha! Pardon the pun, but it's an issue most Christian churches don't address, leaving their members to find out on their own, or worse, make wrong assumptions and all.
So, what about *ehem* masturbation? Is it right or wrong? Is it just a guy thing?
Well, for starters, there are 2 schools of thought going around the Christian circle for this. One says, it's alright to do it as long as you don't think and the other, well, takes it as a sin. For me, I believe it's wrong as it downgrades sex from marriage and makes orgasm just another thing, instead of something special in marriage (ha, I'm using a lot of uncomfortable words here) What's your take on this?
And no, it's a human thing, just that perhaps women don't struggle with it as much as men. I do believe most Christian women control their thought lives better than us men lah.
Hmm, that's it for now. Now, which movies should I start using as boomerangs or cup holders?
God bless!
p/s: I'm not sinless, never professed to be. Just some guy on his journey to find out more about being a better Christian
I've been downloading movies through bittorrent in the last few months. Not just movies, but other stuff like music, books and even language books. Of all these, it bothers my conscience when the first few of my movies had elements of sex and nudity in it.'It's nothing', I tell myself. After all, I wasn't some sex obssessed maniac who scoured the internet in the wee hours of the morning looking for some *ehem* porn (ha! surprised?) Heck, I don't even own a single portion of porn myself.
But you see, I've burned most of those movies on cd-rs, without even checking for their contents. And that makes it harder to throw them away. After all, why waste a perfectly good movie? And, trying to justify myself, I reasoned that most good movies have these elements in play nowadays, compared to movies of yesteryear. Heck, I didn't know that Dark City, Love Actually or Highlander 3 had all these. They're not movies with smut written all over the cover, not at the first glance anyway. And thus, what's wrong?
What's wrong? At times, I do feel I'm losing God, straying away and turning from salt into something obscure, not worth even for seasoning after watching these movies. After all, Hollywood has never been kind to the Christian cause. Have I lost my holiness in place of some good movies? And didn't God create sex to be something intimate between a husband and wife?
The worst thing is, I find myself changed after watching these movies. Women become objects instead of friends to play and joke around with. And I find, instead of being the crazy original me, I put on a mask.
It's amazing to find out the meaning of sin. Sin in it's original form means missing the mark, like an archer aiming for bullseye and missing it. And at times I wonder, am I the only person who feels this way about movies nowadays? Or do the majority out there actually says, 'It's okay, it's alright' Hmm, I wonder..
And yea, this brings me to the highly forbidden 'm' word. Ha! Pardon the pun, but it's an issue most Christian churches don't address, leaving their members to find out on their own, or worse, make wrong assumptions and all.
So, what about *ehem* masturbation? Is it right or wrong? Is it just a guy thing?
Well, for starters, there are 2 schools of thought going around the Christian circle for this. One says, it's alright to do it as long as you don't think and the other, well, takes it as a sin. For me, I believe it's wrong as it downgrades sex from marriage and makes orgasm just another thing, instead of something special in marriage (ha, I'm using a lot of uncomfortable words here) What's your take on this?
And no, it's a human thing, just that perhaps women don't struggle with it as much as men. I do believe most Christian women control their thought lives better than us men lah.
Hmm, that's it for now. Now, which movies should I start using as boomerangs or cup holders?
God bless!
p/s: I'm not sinless, never professed to be. Just some guy on his journey to find out more about being a better Christian
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