A decent proposal

I've been down with migraine for 3 days straight, coupled with really bad diarrhea and slight fever. Heh, wonder what's next, hmm, blinking ears?

Anyways, here's a good read. Will write something as soon as my health permits :)
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A Decent Proposal
How to take the high road in a low-rise, skin-is-in society
by Dannah Gresh

There's a Hooters restaurant in my town, and I struggle each time I drive by it. Although I can hardly see in, that doesn't matter. It's my thoughts of how the waitresses dress that count. It's proof Satan works feverishly not just to tempt a man's eyes but also to infiltrate and control his imagination.

My husband, Bob, wrote those words. While Bob's a godly man in full-time Christian ministry, he, like most men, can be tempted by sexual images. But he's not afraid to talk about it, and that separates him from many.

The truth is, Christian men struggle deeply with visual temptation and mental sexual sin. Ask more than half of the men who attended a recent Promise Keepers conference and admitted to viewing pornography the week preceding the event. Ask the pastors struggling with online porn who regularly call Focus on the Family's pastoral care line.

Recently the men Bob ministers to have admitted there's a new place where temptation's a problem. "I'm struggling with the way women dress in church," they confess. It's the placement of the temptation that makes them feel so vulnerable. What's a guy to do when the same woman in his Sunday school class keeps coming in wearing a mini-skirt and tight shirt? Not much—except maybe sit in the front row.

Fuel on the Fire
I recently got an interesting e-mail from a young single woman who expressed the crisis many of us face:

"I'm 23 and was raised in a Christian home where modesty was taught. It wasn't until my college years that I began to realize how attractive men found my 4'9", 98-lb. body. Suddenly I had their attention. I work with the youth at my church and my pastor's wife has mentioned to me on several occasions that my skirts are too short or my shirts cut too low. But I always retaliate by saying I'm not going to dress like my grandma, and if a guy can't look at me without thinking of sex, that's his problem."

Been there? Thought that? Me too. Many times the ways I've dressed as a single and as a married woman have flown in the face of a man's attempt to live in holiness before God … and, if he's married, in faithfulness to his wife. How that grieves me as I've become more aware of how fragile men are in this area! Social science reveals a man's sexual response is initiated by his autonomic nervous system (ANS), which isn't controlled by the will, but by the environment. If a man sees a woman walk by wearing revealing clothing, his ANS can be activated. The brain then sends chemicals rushing through his body. He may notice the change in his pulse and his body temperature. While many men override these responses in a godly manner, they can't control their initial intoxicating reaction to an immodestly dressed woman. God intends for a man to enjoy this intoxicating power, but through only one woman—his wife.

Heart of Darkness?
First Corinthians 10:32 says, "Do not cause anyone to stumble." What an uncomfortable challenge when it comes to fashion! But the problem with immodesty isn't just about causing our Christian brothers to stumble; it's also about our craving for the emotional rush we receive when we know we're being noticed. As the root of a man's sexual sin often is linked with the visual, so ours is connected to the emotional.
Immodesty isn't just about causing our Christian brothers to stumble; it's about our craving for the emotional rush we receive when we know we're being noticed.

I still struggle with the temptation to accept the world's standards for fashion, but now I carry with me an awareness of the responsibility I have as a woman created to be intoxicating to one man, Bob. I've not only had to rearrange my wardrobe, but also my heart. Change hasn't come easily for me; even years after I'd thrown away a mass of immodest clothes and was asked to write a book on modesty, I resisted. When I got down to the root of the feeling, I was afraid God might ask me to change my unclean heart. And he did.

While I don't conform to legalistic views about fashion, I do conform to the Holy Spirit's conviction. As I've embraced those promptings, I've discovered a few things that have helped me take the high road in this skin-is-in society.

If you're married, discuss your wardrobe with your husband. If not, try your dad or an older brother. Since I travel nationwide to speak with teen girls about sexual purity, I own some travel-friendly, trendy outfits, including a sheer blouse I used to wear over a black tank top. My husband often challenged me about it, but I resisted him, saying it was "a style everyone else was wearing" and "it never looks sexual to me." But a year ago, I removed it from my wardrobe as an act of obedience to God. Recently I received an e-mail in which a woman lovingly confronted me about that specific outfit she'd seen me previously wearing on national television. Ouch!

While I've been able to come to a better understanding of how a man's mind works, I'm still not a man. My husband's better able to explain why a certain outfit may be inappropriate. So every now and then, I ask him how I'm doing. I've been shocked at times when things I deemed appropriate appeared tempting to my husband. I have a single friend who asks her brother for such advice. A godly man in your life can be a good accountability partner.

Invite a friend over to clean out your closet. If you feel even a twinge of conviction as you read this, I'd encourage you to have a "fashion trashin' party." Invite a girlfriend over and trash anything from your closet that's questionable. Your friend's there for the things you're not sure about. Whatever she says is questionable goes.

Reward yourself with a shopping spree. Once you've rid your closet of those questionable items, grab your girlfriend and go shopping to replace what you've discarded. If you're into trendy stuff, this could be tough (I searched for three months last summer for a trendy little sundress and never found one that wasn't way too "little"). But there are tricks that enable me to wear most of the trendy stuff without compromising. If you absolutely fall in love with a shirt that's too low-cut or too sheer, try a simple T-shirt under it. Buy these together with the promise they'll be worn that way. If you're not sure if a skirt is modest, test it out in the dressing room. Sit in front of the mirror on a chair with your legs crossed. Could you sit like that and not turn beet red if that mirror were your dear old grandfather? If you wear low-rider jeans or pants, compensate by buying longer shirts to wear with them. Not sure if a shirt is too tight? Try this: With the shirt on, use your finger to press the fabric against your chest in the area that's between your breasts. Now, quickly release your finger. If the fabric springs back like a rubber band, it's probably too clingy.

Spend time focusing positively on what your body truly is. If you've accepted Jesus Christ's forgiveness and made him your Lord, God dwells within you: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19, 20). Each time you choose which clothes to wear, you're decorating the temple of the living God.

The apostle Peter advises us on how we should adorn the temple: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment … Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:3, 4). Peter's not dissing the fashions of the day, he's calling women to a higher presentation of modesty, that of an inner confidence to say "no" to the culture.

Sisters, let's develop the inner confidence to say "no" to today's inappropriate fashion—and to adorn the temple of God regally both inside and out.

Dannah Gresh, the author of And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity and Secret Keepers: The Delicate Power of Modesty (both Moody Press), lives with her family in Pennsylvania.

Personality Test

Following the footsteps of Sarah the Tigress, I took a swipe at BBC's personality test to see how accurate it could be. Results? Not too bad, though it predicts I'll never be a successful businessman, heh, gotta give up those dreams already and perhaps save for a retirement plan rearing cows and sheeps in Taiping or something.

Summary of Innovators

* Energetic and creative taking inspiration from everyone they meet
* Enjoy flexible work environments with few rules and many opportunities for fun
* Think of themselves as imaginative, sociable and sympathetic
* May not think logically about their ideas

More about Innovators

Innovators are fun-loving, creative, sensitive people who enjoy developing their ideas by discussing them with others. This group supports the people around them and expects the same in return. Others are drawn to Innovators because of their love of life, caring nature and openness.

Innovators are most likely to say they do their best work when they start at the last minute, according to a UK survey.

Innovators are good at spotting opportunities and recognizing potential in people. Innovators put all their energy into new projects and their enthusiasm motivates others to support their plans.

In situations where they can’t use their talents or are unappreciated, Innovators may become rebellious and unfocused. Under extreme stress, Innovators may become preoccupied with meaningless details.

Innovators may over-extend themselves or put a night out with friends ahead of more pressing commitments.

Innovator Careers

Innovators are drawn to careers that require teaching or counselling, where they can work with and help encourage the development of others.

Letting go

Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, "I repent,' you shall forgive him." Luke 17:3-5

I reached a breakthrough today. If you read this boring piece of blog, you'll know that in between those lame attempts of humor, I tend to write pathetically about my past as a therapeutic attempt of getting over it. But there were issues unresolved, some friendships that were broken and never healed, and I couldn't bring myself to forgive myself nor let the past go.

The bible says forgive, but somehow there must be some idiot who pays the price for those hard times. And at my darkest moments, I would wonder if that idiot me or was it the person who said/did those things? It wasn't like I was entirely on the right though. Also, I kept wondering on those mosquito filled nights on how could things been better, feeling that somehow people still hold me back to something I said/did in the past and would still hold grudges even now. How wrong could I be..

Managed to catch up with Wooi Keat somehow in our first decent conversation in 2-3 years (and no, I didn't argue with her the last time round, just that we stayed clear each other's path), which led me to Mel's blog. And looking through the photo-filled blog of old friends and acquaintances, other than those nosebleed causing girls, I began to see that, hey, they've moved on but yet, I didn't.

Forgiveness, it's not just about forgiving others, but forgiving yourself as well. There are things that can never be changed anymore and somehow, this and other events made me believe that when forgiving, it doesn't matter who was right or wrong, nor what had happened, but it's all about being able to move on in life to a greener pasture. Could you forgive?

God Bless!

The next 2 years

For those of you who might misunderstand due to the previous post, I'll like to clarify that, no, I'm not out on the hunt for someone. Recent events made me dedicate my next 2 years to God on wherever He leads (which frankly, I'm not too sure just yet, God never gives you long term plans that span 5 years or so, but you'll know it when you get there) Perhaps I'll be investing my time in areas of interest like helping out an orphanage/troubled kids shelter, learning languages, seeing Crossroadz fulfill it's potential and also yea, getting to know more people instead of just subscribing to the few I know. It does make you more rounded as a person, don't you think? (and not rounder as in fatter, blah)

Won't be writing much this week, so do check back on either Saturday or Sunday for more-lah. Thanks and God Bless!

And so, they dig our ladies

We have it tough on us as single Christian guys. Especially if we're planning to end our days of late night mamaks, burping and belching around in our home without much ado and just generally bumming around to a more subtle life of fatherhood. Just for your take, Christian girls are probably hotter than those Sara Lee cheesecakes in the singlehood market, and well, those are really hot stuff, heh.

Out of curiousity, I did a survey and found most Christian girls had at least a couple of interested guys, majority being non Christians. Heh, guess a rose does attract bees of all shapes and sizes eh? Though, there were guys telling those gals that they're attracted to their innocence and goodness. Makes me wonder why the emphasis on innocence though, hmm. One of them wrote an interesting account about it here too.

What do we do about it? It's a well known fact that the Christian dating circle has been permeated by Joshua Harris' ideas on kissing dating goodbye. What? No more dating? Yea, courtship seems to be the buzz word these days. You still date? Man, you're outdated...

But the process of courtship is often misunderstood and often leaves the Christian single, well, single. Imagine how funny it is to go around with the idea of, 'I can't date them, I need to court' and so while we're busy asking God on how to court them Christian girls, most other guys have already moved in. And then we commit a faux pas by suddenly announcing to them,
'I feel God's telling me to marry you, can I court you?'
And a shock reply from the lady would be, 'What? I hardly know you'
'Yea..but it's God's will you know, the big man up there, the DUDE' and we proceed to make some boom box noises while trying to look cool with some head movements, just like those hip hoppers.
'Erm, yea, but I still hardly know you'
'Ah, it'll work out fine when we get married, honey', and we try to reassure her with our best million dollar smile, while making sure the slice of seaweed we ate earlier doesn't stick on the gaps of our teeth. Pathetic no?

Heh, now imagine one of them girls doing it to us. *Gasp* I might get a heart attack.

And for those of us who've subscribe to the courting theory, we'll most probably go, 'Is she the one?' on every girl that we end up being able to chat to for 5 minutes and beyond, scaring most of them away with our concealed show of desperation. Then of course, most of us can't hold a girl's attention for that long, due to the fact we hardly have any exposure to girls and we fidget around while with those beautiful species of another kind.

All these while the typical non Christian guy charms the girls off their feet with their suaveness and experience with girls, as compared to our stuttering, 'Erm, what's your favorite quiet time passage?' or 'What's your take on Escathology?' when confronted with the fact that we're alone in a cafe with some gorgeous Christian girl. Hmm, no wonder we lose out to them.

Ah, this brings us to a conclusion of this lovely discourse. What do we do about ourselves? Heh, perhaps this article would be of some good to those of us who tried applying Joshua's theory for awhile.

And what about those non Christian guys? I dunno about you, but I might scare them off by telling them that they need to get circumcised into Christianity, heheheh! Though, it's probably not too bad. Perhaps we can do the same with non Christian girls too? (the dating part, not the circumcision. Blahhh :p)

God Bless!

p/s: I did have my reservations on non Christian guys dating Christian girls due to the fact that many started leaving church as their boyfriends weren't too happy with their involvement with God. Though, it could work the other way around too... Best is to not play with fire though :)

And they say I'm a funny guy

Was plugging away on an online personality test when my fears were confirmed. It's true! I am ...a funny guy! *gasp* Heheh, you can take it here. Apparently the test is a famous one *scratches stubble on chin*

I always believed I needed a change in environment to be the person I was meant to be. It was hard back in secondary school, where once you've a reputation, it sticks. If you're a jock, you're forever the jock with a steady supply of girls. But if you're down the food chain, you're forever down the food chain, being only worthy of planktons and ameobas.

I grew a lot after school, where college gave me a new lease of life. With my brand new jeans and white tees I could have easily been mistaken as James Dean in my quest to change my image. I had no reputation, making it easy to make friends, hang out and even have my own group of buddies. Heck, most of my hangout buddies were gals, making me feel like the most priviledged guy on earth. Melaka, where I shifted to later, wasn't a gal haven though, but yet by doing the same James Dean swagger, I had no trouble whatsoever with friends. Until I shifted back here..

Its hard having group of friends who calls you out and laughs with you on your lamest attempts on jokes and then losing it. Its even harder when you've left them behind and attempts of making new friends weren't going your way. And its really sad to eat alone in the hostel blocks where people might point out, 'Look at that lonely guy.' I should've told them that I was waiting for my girlfriend, heh. The one that broke me? Going through the disapointment of aghastness shown in my previous church when I proudly proclaimed I was shifting back. Took me longer than the growing of a durian tree to comprehend that.

I guess I broke down and withdrew from the real world, where mine consisted mainly of anime, manga and being the owning Counter Strike overlord between classes and on those lonely nights where you looked upon the stars and wish you could turn back the hands of time. Heck, I even began believing that gals are as cute, innocent and gullible as those you see on anime. How far was I from the truth...

There were a few kind souls in the Christian Fellowship. How could I ever forget Nick's sacrifice so that I could have a good night sleep in Kevin Koay's house instead of him? There was Boon Han with his enthusiastic 'Yo Leo, let's go!' and not to forget John, Jason and Edmund, my regular makan kakis. If you wanna find someone to eat with, they'll just be a BUZZ away. There were others too, but I won't bore you with such facts.

I would have gone insane if it wasn't for them, especially as some misinformed people kept drumming in the fact that I wasn't good enough and had to be extra loud/noisy/religious in church to gain their friendships. Thinking back, I wondered why I bought into their lame reasons, must have really wanted to make it work eh. Perhaps it was my obvious moles that turned them off in the 1st place? Hmm.

It was tough leaving church, but it would have been even harder to be an ageing dinosaur that's rejected. I guess I've changed for the better, though nightmares about the past still do haunt me. Gotta keep improving and making full use of every opportunity given, life's too short to waste. At least nowadays I do have a bunch of friends who laugh with me on my lamest attempts on jokes, heheh, that's what life's all about, ain't it?

And they say I'm a funny guy, heh, amazing!

Help! I feel like taking my own life..

Suicide.

Nice word isn't it? Suicide holds a certain mystique for us as most of us are uncertain of where we go after we die. And after all, suicide is always the easy way out. Pull that trigger, jump off that ledge or pop those pills and we're on a homerun. More likely on a sad journey home to God.

But why suicide? Psychological research has shown that most people who take their lives have actually an equally high desire to live life out, just that they can't see beyond the horizon. Heh, talk about short sightedness.

Suicidal thoughts. I've been there. Heh, actually they were thoughts of jumping off the ledge my apartment's balcony to glide gloriously in the air for those few seconds before erm, hitting the black gravelly road, all due to some dumb issues. The thing was, erm, I don't wanna be pulp =p (perhaps starring in Pulp Fiction or something similar, but definitely not pulp!) And though those suicidal thoughts only reigned for a short period in my life, but it was still it was..sad hor?

It's always depression, our past or loneliness that leads to suicide. But yet, would pondering and regretting ever change history? And even worse, what a bad way of dying, suicide I mean. Heh, I would rather leave with a bang than having such a pathetic attempt at glory as the last memory of what people would have on me.

I did struggled shortly with my past this morning. It's one of those rare things nowadays, being not as bad as they use to be. Though, the struggles do leave me misty eyed and with a wet pillow. Looking at the bright side, they say ladies find men who cry, erm, sexy? Heheh!

Count your blessings, that was what I felt God telling me. How much joy we can derive comes from our ability to look at things as half full instead of half empty. And no, I didn't mean getting a glass half full with vodka and downing it all in one shot.

Our God is a God of second chances. And not only second chances, but also the 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on. Sometimes we go through some hard patches in life, and we can either see it as God tearing down and building up, or we can get upset and blame God for our oh not-so-fairytale life. But if life was a fairytale, then what's living about? I would rather live a life where I've cried and laughed so hard that they remain poignant memories to cherish.

Life is never about the past, but the present. Go on, smell the flowers, enjoy the slow rain, make friends, and if you find love, fight for it (though don't make a nuisance out of yourself la. Haih, we guys gotta learn that..) And after all these, learn to love, the biblical kind of love I mean, for where there's love, the dark side never wins.

God Bless~!

p/s: Can I win any prize for this article? Heh!

Hail the Chef!

Ah! I've finally found it! (or sorta stumbled upon it, heheh) And nope, in case you were hoping for me to say, 'the golden monkey with two tails and thick bushy eyebrows', I guess I'll have to dissapoint you there for awhile. But it's no less of a treasure indeed, the secret cookbooks that makes or breaks a chef (and even more so, the stomachs of those unpaid food tasters that willingly come on the premise of good food. If the cooking screws up, they'll have to go back hungry, or even worse, diarrheoa! Heheheheh!)are always a thing to be coveted for. And heh, I stumbled upon it!

And no, there wasn't any thunder and lightning, lest one strikes me and leave me looking like some Einstein wannabe, but at least finding this site will help me save money on getting on of those expensive Malaysian cookbooks from MPH, or even worse, one of those Chinese cookbooks that teaches how to cook Shanghainese! *Gasp* I seriously doubt that we Malaysian Chinese dig Shanghainese stuff though, considering we prefer eating all those 'lar-char' food compared to Shanghainese food which is refined. Hmm..

Now, how do I get about doing a Braised Pork Rib Moo Shei style without burning the kitchen down? Hmm, any willing teachers? Bribes do include praising you on this blog and perhaps erm, dinner somewhere? Unless of course you don't mind catching Madagascar with the bunch of us this weekend or so..=p

p/s: Oh yea! If you happen to know any good recipe sites, please do add them in the comments! :) Thanks!

Of being a 'real' Liverpool fan

I've done it.

In a bid to officialize my status as a budding Liverpool fan, I went and got myself some serious Liverpool merchandise. Heheh, so..what is it? It's an official Liverpool top, not a jersey though (though jerseys were selling cheaper at Midvalley) as there were only L, XL and XXL size jerseys left. Must have been the victory at the Champions League Finals. Those people that jumped wagon to the winning teams, blah~

On the other hand, have you Rooibos-ed? Heheh, it's not a name for some new kinda pill, but it's a lemon-honey drink, average if you ask me. But then, it's at least much more drinkable than coke that makes you stare in horror when you look at your reflection in the mirror the next day. (ooh, checked rooibos online, it's apparently some health drink. Hmm..)

Imagine walking to the mirror the next morn you wake up after binging yourself with Coke.
'Gasp! I've got a beer belly! Aiks! It's a Coke belly!'
And if you're married, I guess your missus won't be too proud of you. Perhaps she'll tell you, 'Hold it buster, no kisses, hugs or anything else til you've worked off that belly of yours!'

Heh, that would be really cruel. I might cry to gain her sympathy though, always worked with gals, hehehe..(though some women would prefer rounded guys..hmm, ladies?)
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In the other hand, been going through some quarter life issues (or midlife crisis as Pei Tze puts it. Not THAT old yet you know). And no, those issues aren't bad enough to make me wanna pluck my eyebrows or shave my legs as some kind of sick punishment (erm, don't do those things on normal occasions either), but at times, it does make me ponder.

Found SixthSeal by blog hopping. Mind boggling really, what this guy does. Is it a good thing? Nah. I would burn your hair till you get bald if you even think of trying a puff or a jab for the sake of it. Read his post on how hard it is to get off a meth addiction.

Been thinking about the factor of how our Christian lives are lived according to how much we've examined our faith. As asians, there are always traditional values and Christian theology to consider. What is Christian then? Though we know that porn is sin, how about smoking, drinking or getting high on drugs? Heck, there are people trying to justify masturbation as a wholly harmless recreational thing, even among the Christian circle! *gasp!* I shudder thinking about how the world might be in 20 years time.

On a lighter side, I was at a shopping complex when a mom pointed out to her son a g-string in the lingerie section,proclaimed, 'Look at this son, evil!' and promptly walked off with the boy, while the boy was still in a daze of seeing such an 'underwear' for the 1st time. Made me wonder why women still wear them when one proclaimed to her son it's evil. Hmm..it's not a sin, right? Hahaha.. (man, I'm so suakoo ler, haha. I guess I need some education myself too, blah~!)

Ok then, till next time, comments appreciated! :)

God Bless~!