Bitterness

Hebrews 12:15 'See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many'

Was doing some blog surfing today when I came upon some blogs that spoke with so much hurt, anger, frustrations and bitterness. Bitterness, something I'm so familiar with.

What's with bitterness anyway? Bitterness is unforgiveness that has festered itself and in itself is a sin. But sometimes, life is so much easier to be in the state of bitterness and frustrations. After all, it's familiar ground to settle in and after awhile, you sort of prefer to stay bitter than to get out and get a life.

Need an example of a bitter person? I was once bitter. And in a way, bitterness overtook every single part of me, every single thought was consumed by rage and bitterness. I virtually lost myself there. Friends became a place to complain instead of having fun. Haiihh, if only I knew better then.

Somehow, one day in the EARC 2002 camp in PD, God sorta short-circuited me and woke me up. And somehow, God got this into the thick stubborn cranium skull of mine during a moment in camp when I was feeling down and bitter about everything. And I suddenly came to realization that God was trying to tell me,'Look, there are people that are nice to you, you're not a reject or a loser. Even the nice pretty girls are talking to you!' Guess that the last part of the message had the effect God wanted huh? Heh.

Anyhows, it's been quite a trip so far. One year and 2 months since the day I decided it's enough, it's time to grow up and let the past go.

True, at times I still have to fight the pasts, the hurts and the pain. At other times, I had to acknowledge the fact I've got all my life screwed up and it wasn't easy to learn talking, relating and joking with others again.

It was and still is hard. There were a lot of times of hurts and tears when I just don't comprehend what's happening around me or when I mis-read some people's reaction. And staying bitter seemed the easy way.

But looking back, I thank God for what I've been through. Life is so much more fun now, so much more colorful, so much more joy. And I begin to find myself enjoying it everyday, instead of being frightened again by the chance of getting hurt.

It's tough brother, but you can do it too.

God Bless~