Serve me

The past week had been a hectic week. Assignments, lab and lab reports, Christian activities with the CF and church and also the feeling of running away. 'Why running away?', you might ask. It's because at times I don't feel I have the adequate skills in handling people.

I'm the kind of person who likes to be around others, but sometimes I could only get to a certain level before being lost and not knowing what to say. (and if I try to say something, it ends up lame *sigh*) And it's hard, because I sometimes tend to say the wrong thing at the wrong time (heh, though it's getting better all the time). Add some complex relationships to the equation and I'll get a headache from trying to figure them out. (nope, panadol doesn't work here)

Knowing that God has placed a call on my life, I sometimes wonder how God's going to use me. Christian Ministry is mostly about people and people skills. If I was to pastor a church now, heh, I doubt it will stay as alive and as big as it is right now. Isn't it so much easier to hide behind the computer monitor playing games and waste my life away like I always did when I was still a teenager, facing rejection in school. You know, the funny thing is that the more you learn about handling people, the more you find you're lacking in it (hmm, or is it just me?)

Anyway, we did a character study of Joseph a few days ago, but it only began to sink in yesterday. Joseph, after knowing that God called him had to endure prison, beatings by his brothers and also seduction from his master's wife. It was only after so many years, that God used Joseph. By that time Joseph was no longer the brash and boastful young man he was, but someone matured in the Lord. Similarly, Moses, after 40 years in the wilderness did God use him. 40 long years. 40 years of uncertainty, of not knowing what to do, of regrets. 40 years of being broken and moulded again. Didn't you notice, Moses was tending the sheep when God appeared to him to tend to HIS sheep, the Israelites? God is in control, even if we don't seem to feel it.

I do not know what the future holds, of how God would use me. While worshipping God yesterday in Sunday service, we sang the song 'Send me, I will go' which brought back the commitment I gave to God as a teary eyed teenager in Port Dickson. Looking at myself in the mirror, I do not know how God's going to use me to bring revival to Malaysia and to move Nations. But I guess, neither did Joseph when God gave him the dream.

All that I know is that God's telling me 'Serve me and my church'. Just like Moses, when God spoke to him in that burning bush. Just like Gideon, when the angel of God appeared to him. As a pastor once put it, 'It's not about looking at the future and wondering how to get there, let God handle that. But look at today and see how you can impact YOUR world with Christ'

God Bless~