The Paradox

I failed.

I failed God. 'Failed?', you might ask. Yes, I failed God just a moment ago, when my flesh got the better of me, when lust won over holiness, when sin crept in over purity. And it is a moment of frustration for me as I try as hard as I could to stay away from all these things.

Some of you might be surprised. "What, Leo?! You failed?!", you might ask. Yes, I failed, and it's been a long struggle to keep pure, in this world that everything goes. It's hard, when the internet is at your fingertips, and there's nobody to stop you from going whereever you want to, whenever you feel like going to it. No police, no mom, no dad to stop you, just you and God. No one else could possibly know, could they?

For the past few weeks, I've kept myself holy, pure and righteous before God. But today, it feels like I've to start all over again from square 1. "God, I failed, yet again." I've lost count of the amount of times I told God that I've failed Him once more, of the amount of times I took God's grace and mercy for granted. And of how many times, God forgave and gave me comfort and peace that only Christ could provide.

Some of you might think I'm some kind of holiness freak. Yes, I am. And I'm not trying to be extra holy to impress anyone, but just trying to live out a Christian live worthy of Christ. I have to admit, I'm not sinless, but I'm just another one of you out there, trying to run the race, trying to pursue God. A flawed God Chaser.

Temptation always feels nice and good, but once you're done with it, you feel empty, far away from God. Satan goes around telling you that you're not good enough. How much more for me? Someone who has preached and seen people saved. At this crucial moment, having God matters even more than before. Who else could fill in the void in my soul? Not friends, not a girlfriend, but Christ and Christ alone.

Did you notice? When we begin to take our lives into our hands and try to seek fulfillment and pleasure, it does not work? That we'll be more empty than we began with? Didn't Christ say, "Whoever who seeks his life, shall lose it. Whoever who loses his life for me, shall have it." That's the paradox of Christian living. The more we try to fulfill our desires, our wants and our flesh, the more empty we get. But living the life that Christ has commanded, even to the point of death, brings much more fulfillment.

The British missionary, who inspired thousands of others to go and witness for Christ after his death, died even before reaching his destination, China. When they found him, they found he held his notebook tightly in his hands as he died. Written in it were the words,"No retreat, No compromise, No regrets"

It'll take much discipline and courage to face another temptation, another mauling from Satan. But the Bible says, 'Stand firm, and your adversary shall flee'. I shall run the race again, picking myself up from where I've fallen. As Paul, I won't sit around and look at my sin and tell myself it's ok to continue sinning. But no, I shall run the race like a marathon runner, striving ahead for the prize, Christ.

Let's run the race together as imperfect people!

God Bless~