It's hard when someone stops talking to you or starts disliking you. It's even harder when you've to be in vicinity of the person for days end. And the hardest is when it's a mission trip and you can't get no further away.
The most recent mission trip was really hard for me as there was someone who didn't want to talk to me for 6 months. Darn, 6 months is almost 2/3rds of the EPL season too. And the thing is, it all started from a minor misunderstanding and after that she just stayed away with me wondering what's wrong. For 6 months I stayed away, but yet, she didn't seem to change. Added to that, it's already tough having people who don't quite like you coz they think you're an idiot (and who are they to judge actually, sigh*)
At times I stayed away from the group as it was hard for me to see I was put in cold storage. It was hard and well, I broke down a couple of times, away from the group as I struggled with taking a bus back from Temerloh or continuing with the mission trip. How hard could it be from then on?
It did send shockwaves when I learnt the person thought I was being uncoorperative when I stayed away from the group as they did their walking around Mentakab while we waited for Brother Charles, our contact person. How much more coorperative could I get considering all I felt like doing was either to go back, to cut my heart out so that I couldn't feel anything, or even perhaps hitting myself with a hammer till I become numb.
Usually on normal circumstances I wouldn't be bothered much as I've done my part in trying to resolve this issue, but yet, being in a mission trip and with the person as a Christian, you do want to resolve this issue, don't you?
Last night, someone told me what she thought of me during the mission trip. It's so hard as she saw everything through the lenses of a judgementalist, even though things were not the way she interpreted it. When I heard that, I really felt like the 3rd floor ain't high enough for me to jump off from. After all, haven't I tried my best?
Sigh, I don't know anymore. Perhaps I should just stay away from her and society for good...
Good nights
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