Don't get me wrong, I'm not against all those events (heh,was even invited to be on the committee for some of them), but what kind of culture do we feed our youths with? Do we hype them up for the 3 days and 2 nights the conference is held and then leave them on their own? Are we teaching them more about hype and feelings of the moment than providing them a solid foundation for their faith? Are we losing focus?
Phillip Yancey has always forced me to examine my faith. Is my faith my own? If so, then why do I keep giving myself excuses to do the ambigious things that I still do? (hmm, like movies, would you still watch a movie that has nudity although it's a good movie? Or perhaps my temperament too) Reading the book, Soul Survivor, I'm forced to ask myself whether I'm living my faith to the people around me, or am I just another cultural Christian who is comfortable with going to church on Sunday and hanging out with the CF/church bunch, like salt losing it's saltiness.
And reading more, Yancey mentioned about the turbulent times of the 60s as an example, when racism was strife around US. The times when Martin Luther King, though a bible college graduate himself and the son of a pastor, was branded a communist by the Southern Baptist pastors, at his stance of non violent marching against racism. And so much so, they continued marching though beaten and killed, as it was the only way to show the world on how Christianity should be practiced instead of just being spoken. And Martin Luther had to even struggle with forgiving those who hated him, writing a letter that defined his struggles. True, he tried living a life based on the Beatitudes, a series of teachings of Christ that shocked even his own followers back in Jerusalem then.
No, I no longer read books by Tommy Tenney who urge us for more zeal, more faith, or even Benny Hinn, who talks about miracles, visions and prophecies. How much faith can we have, when we live life on zeal alone? And how much can we base our Christian faith on what someone tells us as a prophecy? Would it even be true? I've been burned and let down trying to follow these teachings. How much more zeal do I need to make God happy? And if I fail, is there grace, grace that Tenney didn't talk much about.
No, life is about examination of our faith at certain points of our lives. I like driving around the town, or perhaps just seating at a crowded shopping complex when I have something to think about, some questions on life that I need an answer from God on. And though at times I don't come back with anything, the process of observing people and realising that it's all about showing Christ's love gives me strength to continue calling myself a Christian for another day.
I've grown tired of just going to church, talking some small talk and then resuming back our own lives like we're strangers when we get back. And even more, when the weak, the weird and the quiet gets left out in the church that increasingly looks toward being corporate instead of being what it's originally meant to be, a beacon of hope and love in a community hard up for it. Sivin Kit posted up a link on Christians quitting church for the good of it. The question we have to ask ourselves is, 'Why?' Has the church evolved so much that the needs of the people has been neglected?
On a personal level, I do feel regrets looking back at past photos. There I was, loud, noisy and with a very high level of inferiority complex. Just that I kept hiding my insecurities under the mask of being noisy. And I wonder what would happen if I was different? If I had been the person I am now back then, would I have gotten along more with others? Would life in MMU be so much more colourful? Would I have been more effective giving my hurts to Christ instead of burying myself under a glut of games back then?
Tears fill my eyes as I recount back every single stupidity I've done. But yet, hope fills my heart as I look towards the future. Indeed, changing church and opening up helped me in my pilgrimage as a Christian. No longer do I often glace with self-pity at myself, but I look and see how much can I impact others with Christ, even without mentioning the gospel. After all, bombarding another with claims that they need to be saved, while our lives stinks of pride, judgement and sin, just plain sucks.
I do not know where and how God would lead me from here on. But I do know that it's not just about how much fun and fellowship we can have. After all, we Christians have been branded cliqish and hypocrites by the very people we hope to reach out to. Even my mom complained about her so-called Christian colleagues who went around bad mouthing others. And it's so hard to bring her to church and eventually Christ because of this. (my mom's a buddhist)
Are we going to do anything about it? Are we going to reflect and see how much we've been commisioned to? Are we going to make the faith we call our own as truly our own?
God Bless~
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