Been playing some games recently to fill up my time, other than just sitting there idle and thinking too much about stuff and all. Books are fine, good actually, but too much reading tends to build up boredom too. Same goes to jamming around with the guitar or hanging out in the shopping malls. Guess dat everything should be done in moderation, and I'm dissapointed that I'm not working during this short break.
But games have it's upsides too. During dinner with mom in ss2, I thought what would happen if our lives are like games. Hackable, reloadable and saveable? Perhaps, we can throw in some cheat modes and some trainers. Sometimes, I do wish I could turn back the hands of time, and do things a whole lot differently for that matter. Perhaps it's all about regrets, about seeing life pass me by as I try to seize on to it. I'm living too much in the past, no?
And then, yet again, what if we've everything we want in life, given to us a just a mere thought of it? Like God's a Santa Claus and we've unlimited wishes? Doesn't that just happen in fairy tales? And what if God really gives us our every wish and wants? Would our lives be useful to God? Imagine being born with a silver spoon in your mouth, not having to work or worry, but to play all day. Wouldn't the fun take it's toll and be boring after awhile? I guess I'm just asking too many questions here I can't answer.
I dunno, but one theme God's been telling me now is to trust Him. The devotionals I use, the passage of scripture in Acts that I've been doing continuously for the last few weeks, even the lunch I had with Hock after such a long time of not meeting up. Everything seems to be pointing in that direction. Trust, have faith that God knows best and believe He'll bring it to pass.
And as I write this, I feel vulnerable, lost and with a decision to make. Do I want to trust God, love God and do my best for His kingdom? At times I'm tempted not to go church anymore. Something keeps bugging me that the outside world's much more exciting with friendlier people to boot.
Heck, I can't believe at times I'm more interested to join the local Rotaract with Wei Hoong, an old friend from my secondary school, rather than running CrossRoadz, the youth and young adults I've helped set up. Am I the only one to think that we church people are sometimes too fake? With a mask and a smile on Sundays and after that, we go back to out lives?
I guess I'm longing for a genuine community instead of superficial ones. Those that talk surface level stuffs everytime they meet. But perhaps the community is halfway there, just a bit more to the way God wants it, I dunno. And would Rotaract clubs actually fulfil the need of friends in me? It's so hard when I think of all that.
Trust and faith. I guess we can only learn to grow in times of adversity. God did not leave the people comfortable in their homes in the times of Acts. Adversity drove them to further places, and as it did, it strengthened their faith and also helped push the Gospel to the outer boundaries of Europe. In comparison, many church members in nicely developed countries are Christians by name only. Perhaps the comfort they have made them lose focus on God?
Pray. Been on my knees these days as I don't quite grasp the magnitude or the things I'm going through. At times I feel like acting out in anger or frustration, but I know God has a better plan, a better way for us all.
Guess that's it. A long winded post. Till next time then.
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