I guess one thing I've learned is that a friendship is indeed a beautiful thing and not all friendships grow the same way. Many years back, at the National Conference camp in Peacehaven, we were thought that most friendships we've go through at least a stormy weather before we finally pull through. And sadly, not all friendships will survive this period of storm as sometimes people tend to hit out in anger or hide away for the fear of getting hurt. But what indeed is a friendship?
I guess I wouldn't know much myself. Just got back from a jog with Wai Choong and Charis and well, they're people I would label as I'm going through a storm with and would rather stay away from, but coming back, I find that it ain't so. It was indeed a great time sitting on the edge of the library and just chilling. Hmm, guess I've never done that often.
Was taking a shower just now when it hit me that when someone avoids eye contact, it doesn't mean that they're upset/dissapointed or whatever. Being a S/I myself out of the DISC structure, I tend to rather keep away then risk the chance of being told I'm not wanted there.
So, what about it? I do believe that there are a few types of uncomfortableness. The most obvious is when someone hates you for who you are/what you've done. And then, there are those who dislike you, those who aren't too comfortable with you and avoids you and finally, those who aren't too comfortable with you but are willing to give you a chance to get to know them.
Perhaps before this I was really screwed up in a sense I couldn't differentiate between these. Maybe I've been too badly burnt before that I tend to avoid those that are willing to give me a chance because I reckoned that I would be hurt too someday, sometime and isn't it better to keep away even when they ask you to go out with them?
And at times, yea, a heightened sensitivity would do me good, though if the mistake is already done, and you friend hates/dislikes you and you've done your best to say sorry, I guess it's time to move on instead of torturing yourself with the past (after all, what's done is the past, ain't it?)
There will be people who don't like you, people whom you won't be as close as you like to, and some who will reciprocate the friendship. And what I learned is to never expect anything in return, thus, you don't set a level for your friends to perform. Sometimes, they just need to feel more comfortable before they open up.
I made a mistake once in that I kept to myself and my games/manga for more than a year, because I was hurt and didn't want to get hurt anymore. But yet, being a sanguine, it was pretty hard. Try interacting with others while you guys are rushing the enemy base in CS or while you are being owned in DOTA, silly ain't it?
Finally, I would like to thank those that have been by me all these while though I kept pondering about my value, about whether I fitted in and even when I tried a bit too hard. Thanks. Life is all about shared experiences with friends, ain't it?
God Bless
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