Got into an accident on Monday around the Lim Kok Wing curve. And if there was anything about it, it was all stupidity, with me speeding around 100 km/h on an already rainy day. As the car lost control and spun voraciously, thoughts of the consequences, the dumbness and the impulsiveness would cost me. Even if I had survived, what if any of my passengers died or got into a coma for good? I shudder thinking about it all.
Was at CCF's meeting today when the speaker spoke about REBT, which stood for Rational Emotive Belief Theraphy, as a method of encountering stress. And as I sat and listened, it seemed directed to me, as a direction to head and improve myself on.
As you know, I've always been blogging about my inability to not get through to people, but what if I was unconsciously trying to prove my theory right, where some of those who get close enough to me would get hurt due to my suspicion of their motives? And in a way, Charis has always been trying to help me, but I've always doubted her sincerity as there was a period of time she seemed phobic whenever people made a ruckus about me being interested in her (and I hardly even knew her then! I just thought she was cute *sigh* those idiots)
After the accident, I took a long hard look at my beliefs and found that back then I did doubt the people who were out to help me, people like Wooi Keat, Edmund, Yew Weng, as I misinterpreted their actions as pity. 'Stay clear away from me', was the signal I was prone to send out.
Even harder to take Wooi Keat. Though we had our arguments, I guess she really did try to help me back then, only to find me replaying past events and staying away due to those and some teasing from the guys. And I was making the same mistake with Charis too.
I don't know if recent events would prove to change me for good. At times I'm so screwed up I wonder if God would still use me. But yet, I thank God for the people who had been there for me, even though in my misinterpretation, I tended to push them away or try to interpret their actions as against me. Life isn't about trying to prove the world's out to get you, if you do, you'll only see those actions that would confirm your beliefs.
Till later,
God Bless
p/s: Do you guys get doubts too? I wonder
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