It's almost 3:18 am.
Just taking a breather after clearing up the house (disposing of dog poo, feeding the fish, before it dies of hunger, watering the plants after 2 days of neglect, etc), when I realised, hey, life has passed me by, so fast, these few months. (Hmm, dunno if I've blogged on this, but..)
Looking at the stack of old comics and computer game manuals made me reminisce about days of yore, times where hot-bloodedness ruled my thoughts back then. Sadly.
Standing here at crossroads now, with decisions to make. Dad wants me active in MCA, and I was thinking, is it a God given opportunity? I mean, we often talk about revival, about reaching out, but at times, due to legislations in place, our hands are tied and bound. Would it be wise to venture into politics as a changing factor? Though, the more you know about politics, the more you see the dark side of it, like perhaps Frodo with the ring in Lord of the Rings. Would I be drawn to a life in the dark shadows of power, deceit and friends ready to turn against you? I wonder..
But yet, there must be someone to champion the Christian cause, and perhaps its an opportunity for me to do so, to be a lighthouse in the darkness, salt in a tasteless world.
Furthermore, I might take a long layoff FGC for now. I know there are calls for me to go back, but yet, I just don't feel like I want to, not yet, not just now perhaps. But yet, it pains me so to take this sabbatical/leave, and yea, I might be running away, but.. not now, not just yet. I need time off, time to do the things I want to do, to perhaps satisfy my want to just sit at the back of a mega church, not involved in ministry altogether for now.
I'm jobless too now. Took the opportunity to leave the job on Friday, earlier then the prescribed date of 1st of March. And yeah, I just turned down a job with a Singaporean company doing Accounting Software. It wasn't the pay, as the pay was good, but yet, it wasn't what I was looking for.
Perhaps I offended many when I wrote about working for others as being not the best solutions, and yea, I'm sorry for that statement. I do believe that you could do a good job working for others, but yet, it's not for me, as I wouldn't like reporting to others all the time, and would prefer a freedom in doing things.
A few new business plans came to mind, and yeah, I might start sooner or later.
And yeah, one last thing. Just cleared off a number of movies, and no, they aren't porn. But yet, I find myself affected by the number of nude scenes/sex scenes in upcoming movies nowadays. It used to be so much easier 10 years back, as those movies had farnee titles like 'sexy' or 'hot mama' or something like that. Nowadays, nudity seems to occur in every other movie, other than those animated.
And yea, I just felt the need to live a life to God's standards, not standards everyone prescribe to. It's not a try to be the 'oh-so-holy' type, but it's a want to honour God, to live right, blameless and in His statutes. Don't get me wrong, I do fall, but yet, I want, I desire to be as Holy as I could. The urge to run with the horses, above mediocrity spurs me on, but yet, sin pulls me back. And the worse thing is, sin has become so normalised that we rationalise it's alright, it's okay to do so. We don't want to look as wannabes, holy-moly types out to impress. But are we really out to impress, or are we out to be after God's heart?
The strange thing is that sex, money and power has always brought more than a Christian away from God's path, even in the olden days of yore, where during the world war 2, they had poster gals, in the 19th century, they had women posing nude for artistic purposes. And now, well, it's in the movies. And it's true, guys are visual. Sigh, sadly, I'm a typical guy, so..it's a sacrifice I've gotta make. Perhaps more movies in the cinema?
Till then, feedback would be good.
Gong Hei Fatt Choy and have a safe journey whereever you're going!
p/s: Sigh* Just packed off a muscle-fitness magazine. I must not compromise on this.
